No matter how hard I try, your negativity always comes back to me somehow.
It's so overwhelming, damning.
I just wish you would ******* move on already.
Let me go. Set me free.
Not just for me, but for you--for her.
make choices and back them up--make your words mean something.
I told the love of my life
That I was pregnant with his child
But lost it
And he said 'oh really?'
And just continued on
His world, un-shattered
I lost the love of my life
I thought that he loved me back
But he didn't
And honestly I couldn't be happier
This time, I've continued on
My world, un-shattered
I don't know that words can describe the pain that shattered my soul with he didn't even bat an eye at my miscarriage. However, I know that I don't ever want to understand how his ******* twisted mind works anyway. Anyone that can look his 'all of it' in the eye and say 'you never even had a miscarriage' deserves a life full of the pain that phrase and loss will cause me for the rest of my life.
but in the end
i will never be
as alone as
i was with you.
What do you do
When all of it
Suddenly means nothing
but you have to
Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
The black void all encompassing
My words drifting up in ribbons,
I waited for something, anything to happen
I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle
I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
Blowing open and closed
The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
Constricting my air flow
I felt myself shatter
An implosion of feeble glass
Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin
I was nothing.
I didn't exist.
I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls
No ceiling or floor
Just illumination in every direction
I opened my eyes
And was blinded by an incredible radiance
I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
I shot up and stared downward
Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
*Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in
like swallowing a bullet,
the anger builds in my head and face
forcing itself up and out
out away distant
i need it gone, I need it g o n e
the disrespect - the amount of blatant disregard
suddenly, my head is spinning
and I’m right back in that moment.
that moment when you threw the table.
that moment when you told me
you didn’t want me any more, like I’m trash.
that you ****** her, so suddenly after leaving
But, “it was never your* intention to hurt me”
You told her you love her and
Never meant it more in your life.
I’m relapse to welcoming death,
and let the anger control me again.
in that moment,
all i want, all i need
something quick and permanent
like swallowing a bullet.