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 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
Danna
I miss the sound of his laugh
And being the reason for his smile

Not him

I miss his 3am texts
And midnight eyes

Not him

I miss how his kiss tasted like an explosion
And how his arms felt like home

Not him

I miss the sound of my name coming from his lips
And how he said I love you

But I don't miss loving him
it's just when you miss all the things they did and how you felt when you were with them, not the person
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
Caitie
what have you done to me.
i let you undress me with your eyes,
slowly and reassuringly.
and then aggressively with your hands,
undoing the buttons on my shirt
and unzipping my jeans
nearly ripping the fabric right from under me.

pulling me across the bed
breathing heavily into my ear,
i'm remembering why
i ever called you mine in the first place.
we decorated these walls with our fingerprints
and they remain as memories of every time we've touched.

now why you?
is it your scent, is it your skin?
the way the marks you leave on my stomach
feel like you every time i touch them?
its you that i want, its you that keeps me here
when i should be with whom i claim to love.

when you were mine,
it was a perfect dream,
we ran through the war with not a scratch
not a dent in our skin.
we got out of the mess,
accompanying each other through the storm.

I should have let you sit in the driveway,
I should have never let you walk through the front door.
Why couldn't you have left me alone in this room
without your taunting glares
begging for the affection i crave so much.

I swore i wouldn't do this.
I swore i wouldn't kiss your neck again,
i swore i wouldn't make you want me.

but I gave in.
so here you are
once again.
you're lying on my bed,
and i'm on top of you.
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
Max Evans
this is a shout out to the kids who haven’t cracked a smile since last summer.
To the kids who’s wrists turned to cutting boards
and stomachs intentionally went empty.

This is the anthem for saturday nights spent on the couch just asking yourself “why”
For hours spent thinking that it’s your fault your parents split and theres nothing you can do.

For the kids who drag a blade across their wrist and carve grand canyons into their wrists although its still not the same.

A song for the kids who crack their knuckles as a distraction from the glares they get from across the classroom in fifth period science.

A harmony to the kids who are trying so hard to fit in but cant seem to get the hold of the right words to stick on their tongue so instead the wrong words slip out of their mouthes and roll into a ball of embarrassment.

A five star dinner served to his four friends which left him three years later and two years later he was just one kid by himself fending off the monsters we call classmates all alone.

Another sleeping pill for the boy who prays with his eyes shut but cant sleep because his eyes have already been closed for hours.

A brace for the broken and the weak as the week drags on to the point where every word that ends in the letter y makes you want to pull your hair out.

A poem dedicated to the kids who cant fend for themselves in the jungle.
Its a hard existence.
But we can make it through.
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
AJ
Son
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
AJ
Son
Sometimes I see a little boy,
In a blue and yellow striped shirt,
In the corner of my eye.
He told me he is a lost spirit,
And that I was to adopt him.
The boy did not remember his name,
He only knew that he was four.
So I tried to call him timothy.
He gave me a headache,
He does not like the name Timothy,
He prefers Collin.
Sometimes he is in my dreams,
And he asks me to sing to him.
He cries when I sing church songs.
And he cries when I smoke or light a candle.
I think he died in a church.
I think he died in a fire.
Poor Collin.
Sometimes he just watches me.
And he sings a little song.
"The wind moves the tree.
And I move too.
But what moves me?
That is up to you."
Poor Collin.
Other stories about Collin can be found in the collection "Son", which you can find if you look in the notes down below.
Is there such
a thing as a soul mate?

I don't know

I'm just learning
about me
How can I expect
someone else
to know me?

Granted
It would be
Lovely to
really be understood
or
would it?

I must travel
my own path
lonely though it may be
at times

And as for being
understood
I suspect it is highly
overrated...
Or
is it?
11/2/2014
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
Gwendolyn
No more scars.
No more pills.
No more cigarettes.
No more drugs.
No more alcohol.
Get perfect.
Be perfect.
Stay perfect.
Don't make waves.

P is for pretty
E is for entertain
R is for respectful
F is for faithful
E is for enthusiastic
C is for careful
T is for tame

2500 monsters.
1500 monsters.
1000 monsters.
500 monsters.
250 calories.

More scars.
More pills.
More cigarettes.
More drugs.
More alcohol.
Get perfect.
Be perfect.
Stay perfect.
So many waves.

P is for petty
E is for exciting
R is for right
F is for *******
E is for eccentric
C is for callous
T is for terrible

Funny how things change
 May 2016 Aarushi Vijay
Wordfreak
I feel the words I write mean less and less each day.
They blend together and confuse the reader,
Muddle the flow,
As each thought forms a current and pushes in its own direction.
And at this point...
I'm being torn apart.
Light.
The unexplained light.
light that swirls and dances
light that won’t stay in your hands
light that is fleeting
light that sets beneath cold horizons
and suddenly you cant breath
Suddenly you can think
You’re trapped in a world where you’re all alone
Where you reach your hand for help
And everyone just keeps walking
Where you can scream
but not make a sound
Where tears must stay in your eyes
And words stick in your throat
The same light that once danced for you
Once made you happy
Now mocks you as you drown
In inescapable darkness
I want out
Dear god, please,
Just let me think,
Let me breathe
Let me feel,
because I’ve gone numb
Because I’m scared
Because I feel so impossibly alone
I want to get out
But I can’t
I am trapped,
I am
Caged.

— The End —