It has been a while since I've written poetry here
and thats because I loved a boy
Who didn't love me

He was selfish
but I was selfless in loving him
and he took advantage of that
even if he wasn't really trying to

He made me a playlist of songs
romantic connotations and all
to speak his mind from what he's scared to say
But he didn't actually say the words
so I couldn't claim he had

Sometimes I wonder if it was all in my mind
or in my heart
was it even real for him at all?
I told him I didn't want to be a second choice
He said I wasn't
But then why are you still wanting the other girl that dumped you 6 months ago when you've been seeing me for 5?

Even now I am still writing poetry about him
and I don't know if he even thinks about me now
It has been 12 weeks since we've talked
But I've seen him in my dreams
I wish they were real
and my heartbreak was not

you said I'm gonna *******
I heard I love you
you said you're hot
I understand you're beautiful
you slapped my ***
I felt a caress
you said it’s over
I opened my eyes
you said get away from me
I felt cold

He used me
Making me think he loved me
Make me think that I loved him.
He railed me in with his words,
Building my trust.
I shouldn’t have done it,
I shouldn’t have said yes.
I should have known to him in just an object to look at,
Bringing my self confidence more down then it already is.
He used me for “makeup material”.
He just looks at me like my body is just something you buy.
But when he told me I was “beautiful”,
I knew it was fake.
I could see the white lies he was telling me.
Saying “oh but I really do love you”
That wasn’t like him.
I should’ve known that he was telling my white lies,
Telling me stuff I want to hear
Telling me pretty little lies.
Like a thieving serpent.
Comes quietly and bites giving you venom.
The venom of fake love.
When he texted me telling me what happened,
I cut all my hopes and dreams away.
He told me “Don’t cut of me im not worth it”
But to me he was my everything.
I helped him off the ground when his spine was acting up.
I held him when he was scared.
I set him on the couch making sure he was okay.
But in the end he was just using me.

I couldn't even look you in the eyes
you left without a goodbye
you were gone without warning
I woke up to an empty house that morning
And I am still in mourning
I miss your snoring
you left so many loose ends
with no way to make amends
the worst part of it all
is that you treated me like a doll
and when you didn't want to play with me anymore
you put me back on the shelf and ignored me like a piece of decor
I was the best piece of decor you even had
So I have stopped being sad
And started being grateful
because next time they won't leave without a goodbye

A girl went to a party dressed as a fairy.
At sixteen what was she thinking?
Her wings made from nylon stockings
With cut off bottoms and sequin pins
Sewn on in a succession of rings.

All glittery bold in green tights
And hair curled with peroxide highlights,
She really must have looked a treat;
As the powder pink began to sink
And black mascara dribbled ink.

The fairy dissolved in tears and ice,
Ran screaming from the party house
Down the street in a tatty torn gown,
Until she was found and brought around.
This fairy needed to learn to fly.

Love Mary x