Xanax in my drawer.
Correctly prescribed, yet unwanted.
Waits for me in a childproof container.

The moon, through my window panes, illuminates my room.
Aside from the most geometric corners of blackness.
My anxiety pains through my dreams.
Prompting me to stay awake.

The moonlight bounces off my nightstand drawer's brass handle.
Where the Xanax rests.
Where I could rest.

No pleasure in falling asleep.
When the only way possible is to stumble into it.
High and depraved.

One pill doesn't work, only two.
And I'm off to the moon.
Finally asleep, but not in control.
There's a reason we haven't gone back.

February
  Cold short four weeks
      Slow part of the year
Yet, rent is faster.
Electric meter outside hums louder
It's wheels gaining momentum
And the dial a blur.
And they chose this month to honor your love.
    Valentine's  should be in June.
When the grass is long
Maintenance  needs done
And a old man can make a buck.
Trim a hedge.  Pick up broken bricks
At the newlyweds house being erected.
I'm in love.
The best love I have ever known.
The love I propose is endless.
I want to buy her things and be her gentleman that sends bouquets and boxes of chocolates and rings with sparkling diamonds necklaces and fine linens and silk sheets.
I find myself drunk and forlorn and hopeless.
Until,
In my mind I see her face.
And I melt and feel warm
I say her name,  over and over.
DiAnne, you are my everything.
I love you like no one before.
And I profess
My love forever.
Will you be my Valentine?

In my head between the mountains
And the plains, those flowers
Of autumn how they hang on
Loosely like a tired mind
Grip onto the gravity of dieing
Yellow, purple and orange
Fall off the stem like a dream
Full of nervous repetition
Sun and moon and stars
Off onto the horizin slowly
To the east or west I don't know
Marching onward with heads hung low, so low the clouds become mist
Among the rivers of dawn
What have we forgotten to remember
Is love's ultimate struggle death. The sweet smell of frost the cold wind
Of change blowing against the mind
Like the shore at high tide. We have time we have no time. The low clouds
Are clear winter is upon us
Grinning quietly, anxiously.

Scrub the wood
Hard from the floor
As if it was water

Turn the key
Locking my teeth shut
The only way to keep secrets
Is to **** them

The night is still;
Quiet.
Chirps;
Punctuating the silence.

In the dark,
I see your silhouette.

A beauty,
A Goddess;
Heaven Sent.