I crave intimacy
Not the type that subconsciously comes to mind -
The connection
Between one soul,
To another  
Bleeding pure, genuine
Devotion.
I crave fidelity
An enduring exchange
I don't want to be physically touched;
I want to feel my internal organs
Spark.
I want to embrace it  
Savoring every moment

Quiet down my dear heart
And let your silence call him into your chambers

Instant-
Live- five minutes later,
from the gitgo

we got this gizmo
makes us, make shifts up, allowing
-split axle- right, that's what did it,
signal
all the wheels in wheels in wheels
from where the tire touches dirt,
to where the driver feels the pull,
to spin with gravity boost,
allowing if to call, if
we made the turn,
due to the berm, beyond the line,
the traintracks lean in and let go
oh.

Not many ever tried.

sometimes on rainy days we stayed in
chugged cheap red wine out of a bag
that stained our teeth
& i made you listen to
old jazz saxophone records or
you forced me to dance with you
to really awful dubstep tracks
you used to like to poke my skinny ribs
laugh & say i danced like an alien as you
pulled me with your small hands
to read my palm by the window where
the sky water trickled down the glass
spilling over from the gutter
& when it comes to your natural perfume
that damp fragrance of sagebrush cloaked in dew
i'm still a recovering addict
& sometimes i relapse
baby i'm asking to relapse

i haven't seen you since the garden on my 21st
with the thick sound of crickets squealing in the trees
& big dogs barking way off in
someone's backyard across the river
that starry september night you read my cards sitting
on the dusty trunk of my car while your best friend
rolled slick blunts in the backseat but i was drunk
& ***** we got distracted i bent you over
weaponizing the leverage of my body to
put your face near the pretty sunflower bed
with a tall can of bud still in your hand
& the muscles of your thighs glowing by moonlight
outside that almost abandoned house we found
with my birthday party blooming by a bonfire not far away

now i'm wondering
since i've got another birthday coming up
& a little more meat on my bones
if you'd be willing to try it again
because i'm working hard to change my future
by itching at the old scars left on my shoulders
until they open & bleed again
only i won't drink so much this time around
& you can try to not smoke ****
i'll let you steal & wreck my car again &
i'll stop chewing my fingernails or
you can still practice your happy ending massage
techniques on me when i'm stretched out & tired
i'll re-twist your sloppy dreads
with careful fingers
like tiny insects crawling over your scalp
because i never wanted to touch them before
& you can maybe try to not
flip-flop **** my best friend
as much or at all

instrumental
dreamer

time free
to sight see

wide
down
corybantic
oval
perimeter
shedding
tiers

in a garden
of angels
sprinkled
with pine cones
at the border of
void and Vaud

cantons
of meltwater cirque
les petites Fauconnières
the inner basin
of my outer reaches

I am
your
visitor
I am
your
audience

let's
stop
for snow
and polar cap
songs
where things
are still run by the natural elements
instrumental dreamer
not by algorithms
not by advancement

This is a story
All about
How important it is
To let feelings out

It’s dangerous to hold them in
But where to start?
Where to begin?

There once was a girl
Who loved to write
All of the day
And all of the night

She’d pen observations
Her feelings and fears
Poetry, stories
Paper up to her ears

These thoughts weren’t for others
Just for herself
Her private emotions
For her own bookshelf

One day an invader
Snuck in to read
Her private thoughts
What a ***** deed?!

When the girl discovered
Her privacy breached
She vowed never again
To put herself on a sheet

She’d hold things inside
Keep them in her own brain
Where no one could read them
See her joy or her pain

She promised herself
She’d take time to reflect
Not writing stuff down
Wouldn’t have an effect...

But slowly she found
She had less and less time
To acknowledge her thoughts
To stop, think and refine

Her ideas became jumbled
Squished inside of her head
With no way to release them
She was confused instead

Life became busy
And years passed real quick
Sadness overcame her
And she became sick

Then a teacher encouraged
Her to write feelings down
Remembering she once did
Brought on a frown

But she built up the courage
And decided to try
Her teacher promised
No one would pry

Slowly she began
To write things again
And feeling flowed
From the end of her pen

Her mood was lifted
A sentence at a time
It felt tremendous
Wonderful, sublime!

She promised herself
Right there and then
Never would she stop
Using paper and pen

To let out her feelings
It was her release
The way to maintain
Her inner peace

So, the moral is
For your own health
Whatever YOUR outlet
Express yourself!

By Amber Heaney 2021 ©

Yeah,
         I was in that moment,
When the small space around me

Nurtured the esteem in me,

       Breeding under the shade,

Waiting to knock down

The gates of my insecurities,

Feeding on hope ,it grew

an astonishing being it became,

the eyes that made her notice me

The fragrance that lead her

Into my hands.