This hand I did not ask for
Came out of the shadows
Grabbing my hand abruptly one morning
Pulling me out of the comfort of my bed
And into the depths of the ocean
I panicked and chocked
I could not breathe
It was so dark and cold

But then a ray of light creeped in
Flushing me with warmth
I saw your face
Your eyes told me and I believed
I am a beautiful mermaid
swimming in a sea of love
Free from fear and pain

Our fingers intertwined
The deeper we go the lighter I feel
The brighter it all becomes
This is my home
Yet I never noticed
How beautiful it all is

I open my eyes
The room is dark
My body feels so heavy
But my soul is in another dimension
Holding your hand
Swimming home

If you could do anything what would you do
I just want to be somebody
But you already are somebody
Yeah but I want to be somebody else

Life is about having fun
Life is about loving yourself
Life is about being loved
Life is about unfolding the devine purpose of the universe
Life is about doing as much as you can in the short time that you have
What is the point
Life is about finding the point
The point is the search for the point
Life is about this moment
And this one
And this
So why is this moment never good enough

I wish I knew what I wanted
Maybe then I could go out and get it
But there's never anything to get
There's always something to lose
Even if you feel like you got nothing left to lose
You want to go out and get that life you keep thinking you deserve
But nobody deserves anything at all
Deserve is just a word

The only people that get what they want
Are people that don't want anything
How can you even want something other than wanting something
How can you be foolish enough to think there's something to be gotten

You think you are better than everyone
But at the same time you believe you are the worst
You are the worst that you can be
You are the best that you can never be
You only want things that you can't have
The things that you have mean nothing to you
There must be people out there who would love to have what you have
But everyone just want to have what they don't
The best thing that you can have is a way to express yourself
There is nothing to be gained but the thrill of trying to gain
Go out and get it or stay forever in front of the screen and stare at people act like they have it all figured out
You can't even act

You hate everyone because you can't be like them
But even they are not like that

I want to meet someone real
The fake is the current real
Fake is just a word
Those are all just words that people made up
You are the one that gives them meaning
But meaning is also only a word
I was never good with words
Maybe that's why I'm not good at life

The human suffering is my life's project
How could I ever turn my back on it

All the images of loss I had painted
On my own cold concrete Berlin wall
Paintbrush dipped into a catalog color
"Dark ocean of despair"
Smearing it cautiously on the rough surface
Protecting the still innocent from the ricochets

Oh the number of books that I had written
About another restless soul stuck in limbo
Circling the globe on a boat called "Oblivion"
I shoot them into my not so public library in the sky
Riding on the back of a spark flying from my sympathetic heart
Only to allow their sad glow to forever illuminate the top of my head

An archive of movies stored in a chamber of my heart
Categorized into natural human disasters
All written and directed by me
Starring every soul that ever exposed itself to mine
On a hot sticky night with a glass of wine
In a dusty desert wearing dark green uniform
On the grassy banks of a beautiful European canal
Their silent cries for help are the soundtrack of my life
The shot of an unfallen tear I could never cut out

The pain of a life lived internally,
A bag of beautiful intentions bursting at the seams
Are the substance of the blanket I cover myself with
When I try to fall asleep
Who would I be without it?

Every evening
When the sun starts kissing the ocean
Yellow and orange frisking upon the water
My chest sinks in submission
Anticipating the emerging
Of the twilight Kraken


A good friend of old
You clasp your far reaching limbs
Around my heart
Injecting your black ink
deep into my soul

Every arm has a story to tell
A memory of failure and pain
A dying fantasy of happiness
An image of loneliness
A desperate cry for meaning

I can still see the shape of the sun
A slowly flattening ball in the background
The dimming light a perfect scenery
For a vicious attack

Trapped inside a big dark knot
Defiance is futile
Childhood memories of hopelessness
And joy
The only way of breaking free is letting go
Sinking into the deep