Looking back,
I think our main issue stemmed
from the fact
that we completely skipped being friends,
and instead jumped headlong into,
what was supposed to be,
a lifetime commitment.
We never learned each other
as friends,
as separate people that,
sometimes,
require space to be themselves
by themselves.
As people that catch up when,
and only when,
the rest of life will allow.
We are both too independent
to be dependent
or contingent on
anyone
or anyone's schedule.
For a long while
I thought (consciously) I was not guilty,
but I know that I,
too,
tend to lose myself into relationships.
I think we did it backwards —
from relationship to friendship —
but at least
we are
friends.

“How are you feeling these days?” they asked. “Your heart is broken, isn’t it?”

Drowning. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m trying to catch a breath. I’m trying to live. But no matter how much I want to stay afloat, my body just keeps on sinking. No matter how much I want to live, my body just can’t seem to cooperate. I’m just waiting to be saved. Waiting for someone to rescue me from these waters. Waiting for something to hold on to.

A broken body abused over the years,
It is not just the physical pain that I fear.

It is the relentless agony in my head,
wanting only to hide in  bed.

Looking for a way to releive the pain
body and mind torchered the same.

It hurts so much, all the time,
Does no use to sit and whine.

I have been patient and I have given many things a try,
results to 12 to 18 needles a week that make me cry.

It will get better just hang in,
I'm like a fish with a broken fin.

Can't swim, sinking to the depths of the sea,
No one can help it is only up to me

left alone to suffer, too proud to shout out
the pain rips through me ripping me apart.

The day has ended and I once again wonder,
Should I keep trying, striking like thunder?

Or do I say enough is enough, I have sufford far too long,
I am tired and exhausted, and it is hard to carry on.

This is not personal,I love you so dear,
please understand when the time is near.