something between
you and i
does not divide
but won't combine

you are a secret
between my soul
and the mask i wear
is taking it's toll

this thing between
you and i
kept a secret
will never die

In all your chaos
I realized serenity
The ultimate humility
Loving something so much
and knowing it will never be

your killing me serial
a foreign material
found in my substance
all over i find
still can't identify
loss of motor skills
all day long those
dark brown eyes
piercing and purring
purring and pulling
my strings

lived in the shadows
far too long
hiding from the truth
hating and believing
i was something i'm not
afraid of being discovered
a fraud
now the smoke has cleared
the flames now breath
licking and stinging
ashes now the mess i made
fearless and
ablaze

you saved me
i saved you
similar species
matching tattoos

met in sante fe
a fading memory
or maybe a dream
those days are so fuzzy

you stared me down
i stood my ground
i asked you to be gentle please
you said i got this no worries

i gave myself a mohawk
you said i was a fool
you had missing teeth
made it look cool

you showed me the ropes
not live stay alive
fed me with a slow steady trickle
all you need to survive

you said before me
you had not known equal
if you see these words please reach out
i'm down for a sequel

there's something holy about this:
I just can't put my finger on it:
I'm begging for forgiveness:
for sins I've yet to commit:

i roll my shags
fat and tight
took a lot of practice
to get them just right

i'd like an hour of your time
please forgive my persistence
as i listen to your stories
and absorb your existence

come sit with me on my back porch
i promise to be silent
tell me when they sent you to that special school
to find out why you were so violent

or when you got busted
for selling e
over 50 tabs
was that your first felony?

the one you won't tell
it's that scar on your calf
stitches for sure maybe a bite
let's save that for another night

let me roll you a ****
fat and tight
i want to get lost watching your lips move
now gimme a light

you gotta get out soon
i have a real bad feeling
gonna swallow you whole
nothing left but
skin and bones

your acting a little erratic
face twitching moods swinging
gonna swallow you whole
regurgitate your
skin and bones

your young enough to turn it around
out of the groove jump the track
but if you're swallowed whole
there's no coming back

so many words
never enough action
almost closed the deal
then lost all traction

never saw the bottom
before it dropped out
navigation failed
north became south

so i dug in deep
the ultimate reward
felt the tips of your wings
and watched you soar

she asked
if this is what it feels like
to be free
i said no way baby
it gets better and better
everyday all the time
at least for me
go ahead and accuse
say i'm enabling
my commitment is real
love unwavering
so i'm feeding your monster
to transform you tangible
you love me
i know you said it
but i need something more real
than republic credits

so happy
you needed your space
the further I get
from you
the more I feel
part of the human race
Again
Once more with
The general population
Breathing untainted air
Free from your
consummation
once again life is pure
Without your
participation

steel toes
padded knees
you always knew
how to exist with me

made assumptions
for which i paid dearly
beyond material value
your gifts to me
focus
love unconditionally
looking beyond the mirror
of my flawed exterior
into the soul within
we scrub a dub'd in the shower
listening to sugar kane
cuz i asked what stinks
answered it was you
since you've been with me

steel toes
padded knees
you always knew
how to handle me
your greatest gift
unintentionally

punch my gut
stole my mind
skinned alive
tanned your hide*

i'm more careful bout what
i pray for these days
cuz i prayed for an angel
and boy did i pay

electronic sequential
fuel injection
produce an alibi
you'll need protection

1200 cc evolution
belt driven
break my soul
you'll be forgiven

charge me a premium
for companionship only
reach into my pocket
feel the benjamins flowing

my 16 forty eight
it's still straight stock
now move on down the road
i need new exhaust

I just assumed you were like all the rest
run your course move on hope for the best
You were so good at selling your goods
and all the signals were misunderstood
What I thought was real
it was part of the deal

All the dreams that kept me alive
took on a life of their own
and I was forced to decide
between you or her
So now I call your bluff-
you were great at most everything
just not poker.

My sweet angel has abnormal
curvature of
the spine
She says it's from carrying too many burdens
over time
She tries to stand straight
but can't align
She's tried all sorts of cures
but just makes it worse
When she tries to conceal
it's just further revealed
So she's simply resigned
to work within the constraints of
her earthly design

elegant reciprocity
so contradictory
the more i ***** **** up
the more i'm presented with opportunity

i can't back down when it's placed in front of me
i have no voracious ego to feed
alpha male i will never be

the more i fail and subsequently succeed
the more at peace i am with me

and to fear i will never succumb
*when failure is a perfectly acceptable outcome

Thank You for showing your needle tracks
Most prefer blinders
They don't want to see their flaws
They don't need reminders

And Thank You for your perspective on riding the edge-
slow steady and cautious is not typical
I should have suspected
The answer in reciprocal

when the blades in my gut start to spin
and i lose my focus
and no matter what i do to get you out of my head
doesn't work
that's when i'm missing you

and when the long gray winter of seattle
becomes my best friend
the endless mud and rain
praying for it to never end
that's when i'm missing you

now i will be lonely
no one will ever love me like you did
no one will ever trust me with their most intimate secrets again
and i have no one to tell mine to

i don't want to move on
because i need some time
to mourn the loss
of something i held so tight
for so long

God i miss you

I have a little space my own
it's 10X10X6
i can only visit there a few hours a day
cause it's a really tight fit

how i arrived i couldn't say
the convenience of it was strange
on those cold rainy nights
she was a short walk away

she would meet me outside
where we blow a few bowls
then go upstairs
where i would give her my gold

Those moments so intense
Could they have been real?
Are we supposed to have this?
Are we allowed to feel?

I asked her this question directly
At least a hundred times
Sometimes she says of course it was baby
other times no you must have been high

She said she came from Phoenix
her full back story she ain't tellin'
but she can't get a passport or firearm
so I'm guessing she's a convicted felon

she asked me if i had a room to spare
and offered to pay a small rent
that was six months ago
I haven't see a cent

I asked her to do some dishes
vacuum mow the lawn or any small chore
she said she's writing a song in her head
and can't handle much more

so now i have a live in maid
who doesn't clean or cook a meal
but i know one day she'll sing her song
and her wings will be revealed

all i needed
was to look at that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
adrenaline
morphine

last night i rode my bike
in the rain 5 miles to see her
we met in the usual spot
i waited until the perfect moment
asked her permission
to love her once again
it was granted

she will never love me back
but i don't care
because when i dream
it is of her and i together forever

that little shot
is enough to keep that dream alive
through the toughest times

to see that face
and hear those words
yes you can love me
is all i need
adrenaline
dopamine

beautiful broken
perfect scarred
they are all out there
don't look too hard

they spread their wings
to welcome you in
don't try to resist
you won't win

they are powerful allies
loyal without fail
they will defend ferociously
with tooth and nail

when you find one
pretty quickly you will know
you can't hold on too tight
eventually you must let go

i woke up one day
and she was gone
i guess the burden was too much
she couldn't keep dragging me along

she made me unstoppable
pushing through boundaries
but her ultimate gift was fully realized
when i learned the strength
came from within me

firestorms raged
and spewed wretched fumes
of burning stucco
as their homes were consumed
Some stood strong
armed with a garden hose
to defend their legacy
The motels were overwhelmed with
displaced refugees
I wore a bandanna
on my face like a mask
rode my bike close to the fires
until I could smell the stench
of my bicycle tires
And drank Newcastles
until the smoke cleared

failed to yield
had to make a move
we collided in the middle*
you had something to prove

they couldn't separate us
even with hydraulics
fatally conjoined
locked at the lips

we were scared to be alone
so we endured great pain
never truly happy
suffering in vain

we both took a toll
decades in motion
i saw it in your eyes
you blocked all emotion

i don't have those skills
i must feel to live
you do what you need to
*i still have something to give

when did you get so picky?
I grilled you a ribeye rare
olive oil baked brussel sprouts
but you chewed them up
and spit them out
you need your greens
Greek salad with olives
and feta cheese
stop tripping Nicky
your jeans are too tight
but they come off easy
your requests are so confusing
buy me a ring
but it won't mean a thing
I can't get into specifics
but i'm questioning
what i've become
and you are a major part
of the problem

your flag is unfurled
new order in the world
free from constraint
an uneasy sense
of permanence
bliss for the mind
glory
triumph
and now it is time
assume ownership
of your birth rite
what belongs to you
what is rightfully
yours