please block my number
when i call to ask for help
you've always been there to save me
and because i'm so lazy
i never learned to help myself

fell down a rabbit hole for a need to explore
thought i hit bottom but found a trap door

so don't respond when i text wassup

this time you can't save me
with your emasculating and
unwavering enabling

so cut me from your cordelette length

for now i must find
my own strength

met a sweet country girl
took her home started foolin' around
forgot we had a pizza in the oven
almost burned the house down

came to in smoke and flame
wake up man i don't know your name
it can't end this way with someone i don't know
follow me just stop drop and roll

out on the street she kissed me like the french
chill out girl we just met
*and that tongue ain't exactly velvet

i love my vicees
they are addicted to me
Amsterdam shags
black coffee

i should try to resist you
not sure if i'm capable
to control an appetite so
insatiable

i abandon the thought
before it crosses my mind
i'm aware of my limitations
a realist you'll find

so i send another text
believing you'll reply
rehearsing my lines
knowing i can't  
say goodbye

yes i love my vicees
they are good to me
helping my mind
stay steady
i'll put you down
when i'm good and ready

They say to live is to love but
what they don't say is:
to love something
you can never have
with all existence
is gut ripping
Matchstick head pounding
Face burning
flesh Searing
Existence
We should all be so privileged
To experience.

When she comes over for dinner
I grill some t bones medium rare
she inhales the flesh
licks the fork
and then comes up for air

She looks at me and smiles
she knows what lies beneath
before next course here please take this toothpick
there's something caught between your teeth

penne pasta with my home made sauce
salad with olives and feta cheese
chocolate chip ice cream for those who lick their plates clean
she's always one of these

waiting for your signal
pop a flare
tell me when your ready*
i'm already there

bags packed
nest egg stashed
escape route planned out
oh yeah we're headed south

when we were kids
just last year
we dreamed of a life together
far from here

we stayed up all night
with sativa and cazadores
promised to tell me when you're ready

since that moment
i've been anxiously awaiting orders

the demons don't come around much these days

ever since i figured out a way

to take back control

and keep them at bay

i was the perfect puppet
for many years
i made them so powerful
with entitlement and fears

we used to get messy
for huge chunks of time
now they think i'm lame
past my prime

the days are long now
filled with excruciating pain
but this is much better
than hooks in my brain

i do miss them so
oh yes how i mourn
their comforting lies
savory sweet to adorn

the demons don't come around these days

ever since the universe told me it was ok

to be at peace

with the mundane

i hope the sun shines on your face
wherever you may be
me and maggie are waiting for the day
you take advantage of our open door policy

say hi to your mom in montana
she'll be happy to see her little runner
the apple never falls far from the tree
i'm sure she's a stunner

tomorrow we kick off the next project
so at least i'll have work to keep me occupied
perfect timely distraction
to not deal with what's inside

the king bed i bought for us it's
too big to be alone
i can't let it get too cold

there's a few sweet angels
hovering about
they are fine for a quick fix
but your the habit
i can't live without