she used to call herself, Laurein
but i love it most calling her, mine
i know it's a bit cheesy,
but she's the love i couldn't define

i tried math
to find the value of her love
but i found indefinite

i tried science
to search and study
how great she is
yet even Einstein complained;
she's more than we could understand

i tried asking GOD...
and was told,
to just hold your hand, tight
with eyes gleaming with contentment and surprise
"love her for the rest of your life,
for the love she have,
is an equation made only for you"

you spoiled every cells in me
overjoyed, you bath me with love
and in kisses,
and hugs, you took me so high
i fear the drop
could break me into pieces
but you hold me so tight
like a harness, on my climb,
you're safe- you assured that i am
you guided the steps i take
and in every wound i get
you were there to kiss the pain away
so every day,
i take you not as a passing thought
but the usual hero
in my lifetime event

Stormchaser, so they call me
but little do they know
I’m the freaking storm, itself
I breathe hurricanes
I spit tidal waves
my voice roars like a thunder
and the lightnings
are my excess prowess

I am a storm
but little do they know
what I’m capable of

we've exchanged I love you's
how many was it?
i couldn't count
and didn't kept records
of how and when were those words
slip our tongues

we've exchanged emotions
i cry and you laugh at me
like it's a silly joke
yet you gave warmth right away
kissed my soul, deeply
it felt like  i floated in the milky way
lots of stars glimmers
at the sight of your smiles

we've exchanged love
but i think, you love me greatly
for you didn't just chose me
you love me, long before you met me

remind yourself
that you owe you
an apology
for not loving
your worth

I hope you see
how I still write for you
those lines,
built with too much
unwanted emotions
sleepless thoughts
and longing goodbyes-

I hope you could
read them
the way you wondered
how the stars
glows at night
how the moon is still loved
despite of the surrounding darkness
and its changing shapes

I hope, that with all these lines
I have written filled with all those
none-rhythmic feelings
you'll see that you appeared to be
the galaxy for me


Triggered Letters

If only the stars
are enough proof
to tell you
how I wonder
and wander
about your beauty
maybe you'll understand
how it feels
to admire your soul
but they aren't enough
because it takes
a thousand galaxies
to define such beauty

maybe the time was right
maybe the place was good
maybe everything were ready
but we aren't
that's why we messed
everything up
and had our hearts
and soul
and mind
suffer the maybe's
we thought won't suffice
our needs

Triggered Letters

i wanted the sea
she wanted the skies

we just smile
for each other
with teary eyes

right now, he said
i'll be with you
wherever you may go

then he kissed her
while tears fell from her eyes
staring at his wake
inside a caged-bed

what excites you?
she asked, curiously
climbing mountains,
i responded quickly
troubled, she looked down
then i smiled and spoke
"to find the words
along the trail-
she stared, seemingly;
for more than what i have
couldn't explain
the feeling
of having you near me"

a thousand miles away
I dreamed you're just beside me
holding hands, we both pray
that forever, this way we should stay
everyday and the night after,
you're still holding me;
but suddenly, I stared blankly
at my hands empty
of the figures I saw with eyes
closed when I'm asleep
or opened, day-dreaming
of the wishes so steep
I could fall and break into pieces
but I pray you'll pick me,
even I'm already in ashes

so in a thousand miles
I dream of your smiles
and warmth flood through me
truly, I could say
I will love you endlessly
no matter how far we are away

and to the dreams and wishes
I sing your name,
where my soul blushes
in recognition of the feelings- no one to blame
I love thee
I love thee
my heart's hymn
I love to listen
I love thee
I love thee

They say,
every person
is a different world
but why is it
you're like
the sun

Your warmth
is what
I needed.

THIS WISH of mine I prayed to reach your sleeping heart, in fantasies I dreamt them be like.
In Disney's like Aurora and Snow White that you seek also princes of heart and the like. Though I might not appear as how I should in fantasies I spoke, my heart is a full golden moon rose if only you look- deeper through my eyes, my soul, Aye! My soul is a spoonful of stars. But you should know as well, that I could only shine because of your soaring soul and mysterious heart. That even in the moonless night, I can see your beautiful smiles like a pair of wings, bearing a faithful star to guide my path ahead- to dreaming of a collage of your eyes, an endless universe I have always loved.

THIS WISH could only be a daydream, of a poet who only sings love between lines- but I still and will always daydream as you carry me to the edge of the moon, hung amongst the stars.

i **** at everything i tried working out
every effort seems worthless
every sleepless nights
           turned to memories in a dream
           turned to shadows, untamed
           turned to ashes, unseen

then there came the you
           who called perfect my every flaw
           who fearlessly catch insults they throw;
           on me who's defenses are low
           for i never tried to let them grow
           strong and sharpen the claw
           for i only kept them below
           the surface of who i am they know.

there came the you
          who brought sunlight
          i have believed untrue
          who melted the sadness
          i have held and can't undo

there came the you
          who love me so true
          i couldn't wish for anything
          but to be only with you

There's no greater glee
than having you with me
You listened well to my pleas
Even in my cries, you bend your knees
to lift me, to wipe the tears on my cheeks

There's no greater feeling,
I tell thee
For my love,
You brought sunlight
to every dark corner my heart has
and warmth spread-
melting every cold feeling I had,
for years and years of heartbreaks
for years and years of sadness
for years and years of loneliness

There's no greater feeling
than being loved so faithfully
by someone you love, truly...

There's no greater feeling

She is chaos
she is order,
both high and low
a tattoo under
everyone's skin.

She is death
and life
at the same time

She is everything empty
but you won't see her
like a void-

pitch black,
was her soul painted
yet, she is light incarnate
completely complicated

She is fear
and love
and hate;
bittersweet,
black coffee
with too much sugar in it

yes, she is made of storms
a maiden of chaos
she calls herself
for no man
could ever chain her
to one place

she is adventure
the most exciting one
her smiles, affectionate
and never wears off

she is fire and ice
the very existence
of metaphor and simile
and all that is opposing
yet moving at the same direction
similar yet unique
wild and beautiful
minute and vast

truly,
she is phenomenal

i write
to the only reason
and fear-
that i might
drown my heart
and soul
with the words
that floods
my head

I write out of my heart's content. The beats it makes and the music it creates are words my head couldn't take. So, instead of drowning myself in depression- I write, and write, and write, and write; from dusk 'til dawn, between songs of love and loneliness, over the art of life and death, and everything that don't make sense but matters. I write- for if I don't, my heart and mind will burst into colours with your name on it; you'll appreciate its beauty and radiance, yet I'll be losing the life my family and friends' valued for years. So, I chose to write, every time my thoughts catches a glimpse of you- our memories, made together with love so genuine and with promises so broken. And when the time comes you'll end up running, ringing over the door bell of my heart's door, begging- for chances you've disregarded and actions you've regretted and love you've missed for you've chosen yourself over me; I will choose writing over you. For it has not left me through depression and anxiety; since and then.

all the lights have faded
I still waited,
for you to come;
to a home you call me
to a place, you said
where'd you wanna be
now it's daylight-
I've waited all night
and all was left
are the memories
of the words you left;
"Darling, I'll be back tonight"

Why do they not respect you
maybe you don't deserve it
maybe they don't know how
maybe you showed them differently
maybe they plainly don't know;
for they didn't grow up with it-
what respect is
how's it done
when should it be done
why would they do it
and who deserves it

Why?
Why's everyone not aware
of what respect is
and its impact
maybe they do know
maybe they do understands
but they just won't
just because
maybe they don't even respect their-selves

you somehow
kissed my soul;
troubled and broken
beneath a storm-
saved and nurtured
by saying,
I love you

they never liked your face
the way how your body's made
your hair aren't what they expected
so they chose to have you rejected

they never appreciated your strength
for they envied you- since and still
their insecurities have no length
they have this negative will

yet your beauty attest
what you are outside
you may appear a monster
but you are an angel inside

you hold this treasure within
a beautiful soul! a beautiful soul!
that's what I see, that I'm sure

now I could say
you are a truly a treasure,
not a hearsay
a true gift of nature!

there's nothing wrong
with falling in love,
deeply-

unless you'd
deprived yourself
for the other

i have gone away
to a place, where love stays;
i was nourished
i was cared
i was thought for
with words promises made

i've set my feet
atop, to those lines
i believed true

i've set everything up
thinking it was the best
idea, i could ever have

but they've placed
the setup
before i was able
to make mine.

you promised me art
beyond love
and you said,
it was ***

indulged, i mind it
as my Freaking bUsiness;
a Contract, i thought
with our hearts
and you said,
it's fun

with a cracK
i lay naked
seeing the truth
you hid, behind your lips
i'm just for fun
for you to ****

i was just
a silhouette
in our scenic
love story-
where you made
me believed
i was your sun

Just like smokes
from a cigarette
our love felt so good
I could tell
I'm in heaven;
but yeah,
just like smokes
it stayed out quickly
I can't get
a hold of it-

Triggered Letters

he rested his head
underwater,
to drown the thoughts
he couldn't bear

then he ceased
along with adversity
of having too much
he couldn't grasp his sanity

they said;
she wasn't real
she was just an idea
stuck on my head
forged with words
i've always written

i bet they're wrong
a ghost could've touched me
an imaginary figure
could've played
my head
but can never reach my soul
yet she did-
effortlessly

hover over love
not under
neither between
take risk
suffer
feel broken
and fall
in love again

all these things
we try
to cry
and feel caught
within a sweet prison

WHY?

it's amazing how one
can see through souls

and for me,
it's the most beautiful talent
one could ever wish

your teardrops
create ripples
to my heart
and the waves
drowned my soul

then they begin
to take
everything from her
and all
that is left
are traces
of her
dried tears

I stroke with
both legs, pumping-
with excitements
of the thrill
ahead of me.

Mr. Sun is still
dozing off
taking its time
to rest
before burning
this already burnt skin
that covers my soul-

then I look back
hoping to see
figures running
with me,
but all I see
are silhouettes
of the tress
and grasses
and stones
cheering my spirit;
keeping the flame burning
whilst eyes busy
looking for signs
that'll take me
to the finish line.

hours passed by,
and I am bathed
with sweat
and tiredness.

breathing heavily,
I battled against
my footing
and my head-
urging to give up the race
but I keep running
until warm words
starts to blanket
my doubtful thoughts
and smiled;
I can do this

I can still remember
how much of a heart
we were-- when we first met
on that banquet
a night filled with glances
from strangers,
dancing--
then you caught me staring
our bodies fighting
what our eyes have seen
and with just a smile away
my cheeks felt warm
against your rash breathing
I'm holding you in my arms

the night went away
and we're still dancing
under the blankets
that covers our skin

how deep can you go?
she asked, I didn't speak
but kissed her slowly;
******* her-

and the night went right
to where she thought
I couldn't reach

in sadness
i was aloft
for the death
of my countrymen
are bulk

the mountains moved
and melted
like river flowing
so smooth, it took lives
cunningly

they heard them screaming
yet they listen not

the pleas of their voices
were echoing
along the seashores
even the skies, cries
of these loses

in sadness
still am aloft
for the death of my countrymen
i'm in no help- not at all

she's too hot
for a cup of tea,
too cold
for bottles of beers,
too ****
for a glass of wine-

i'm out here
staring,
to this masterpiece
i, myself
couldn't define

I heard her
screaming out
for love,
she thinks
she deserves--

only,
she was
speaking
to the wind

they've mistreated
my beliefs
stomped on my respect
treated me like a trash

then they've wondered
how i forget
they exist