Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For loving you
More than I loved myself?
For placing your heart
On a higher shelf?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For exposing myself to fire
Of hurts and pains?
For returning to you
Again and again?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For giving you
Just one more chance?
For getting myself ripped apart
In your aggressive lash dance?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For taking your bullets
And suppressing my screams?
For putting your problems
Before my dreams?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For reacting to your bullies,
Sarcasms and manipulations?
For being a listener of your buried pains
Of your past frustrations?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
For being vulnerable
For opening myself to you?
For accepting
The monster in you?

Why should I beg forgiveness from you?
When you are the one
Who should be begging forgiveness from me.

How alone is a coin
Thrown in a vast ocean?

In a tailspin of currents and waves
The coin has been haplessly led
Trembling and spinning restlessly
The coin sinks down to the ocean bed

Paddling its boundaries
The coin screams and yells.
But no one arrives,
No effort seems to help

Sinking deep into the dark, the coin smashes its head
On the rocky ocean bed
The coin wonders, will I rust forever or will I rise
Will I live again or will I lay here forever like dead?

How alone is a coin
Thrown in a vast ocean?

I am that coin.
Alone.

Life is made of mud
Silence is the pottery
Everyone is crying a little inside
Freedom is in chains, no one’s free.

I know you were not bad
It was because the things you faced
That made you a devil
That got you tightly encased
In thick walls of cement
Suppressing your heart
So much that even my death couldn’t save you
I was so close but you were so apart.

Years have passed, I still wonder
What would have happened to you
That made you a devil
From being the glow of my heart
You turned into a monster evil.

Dear God,
I don't want a zillion cars
I don't even want cafés and bars
All I want is a cosy tight hug from you
All I want from you is
Just turn me into one of these zillion bright stars...

Fogs and floods
Aren’t just disasters
These are sometimes the
States of my mind.

Mostly,
When I fall in love
With him.

But mostly
I end up falling in love
With me too.
Just like Sun after the fogs
And shine after the floods.

Cravings of addictive trance
And pellets of diamonds
Don’t fill me
As much as a nap
between the naked petrichor soil and dancing moon do.

He was cruel like an animal
He dragged me endlessly
Into a jungle full of thorns and wild animals
The jungle is now painted in my blood red.
Find me, and fill me with blood again.

I gave him my hand
When he was in a well deep and dark
He held my hand
And pushed me far in a well deeper and darker.
Find me, and show me the light again.

With lashes of trickeries, he ripped off my skin
My pain was his food
I will never be a doormat again
Even if he shows his good
Find me, and show me how to love myself.

Rainy weather
Clouds and grey sky
Green bushels of trees
Dancing merrily
Shaking and swinging
Their earrings, the glinting gems
The droplets of water
My heart is shaking
In the same way

No one is bad
It’s their wounds
That makes them so.
No one is bad
No one is.

Like romance of fire
They keep on burning
All those who love them
Taking pleasure in their wounds

Every likes to receive love
It’s their fear of vulnerability
That stops them from receiving so
Every likes to receive love
But not everyone is open to.

Like batteries of phone
We ought to recharge
The universe isn’t a tiny mould
It’s infinitely large

Like bulbs of light
We ought to shine bright
Dimmers are everywhere
They’ll always try to dim your light.

Like a music speaker
We ought to spread our bittersweet tunes
In the midst of races and chaos
We ought to taste the cool breezy afternoons

I have a lot to say
To you

A bedlam of words unspoken
And the ocean of my anguish and plight
Mattresses of panics and fears
That don’t let me sleep at night

Ghosts of bloodthirsty demons
That make me shiver with terrors and fright
A garden of anxieties and clouds of fog
That blinds me, to sunshine going out of my sight

The grip of your poisonous words
Is still choking my throat
I am burning from head to toe
My silence is coughing with the poison’s bloat

Like a frozen winter evening
I feel like a leaf coated in frost
My screams and echoes go unheard
The love I gave to you, now seems lost.

But don’t you worry
Don’t you ever think
That I will attack you the way you attacked me
The way you made me doubt my own eye’s blinks

Even though I have a lot to say
To you
I won’t say it to you

It was not my fault
That I loved you so deep
It was not my fault
That I touched your heart
Maybe you were so frightened to let me in
That you pushed me apart.

Even though I have a lot to say
To you
I won’t say it to you

‘Cause some words are better left unspoken
When all you receive is scars and pain
What’s the use of sharing your tears with someone
Who is terribly afraid to dance with you in the rain

I die each day
I give up daily
I wake up each day
And I fight daily

With suffocations rumbling inside
And infections of demons dark
Each day I wrestle to hold on to life
Holding onto just one little spark.

Floating helplessly in an unknown dizziness
I hold on tight just not to cross the line
‘It’s okay’, I tell my heart ‘cause it is fighting
The battles that are not even mine.

Just one more day,
It’s not over yet
It is all hiding within me
I guarantee. I bet.

I give up daily
I die each day
But I believe, I have faith
That at the end of tunnel, there is a ray.

Music like bubbles
Bubbles inside my veins
My forehead is covered in
Scars, stitches and stains
Cells tremble and shake
In the vicinities of pain
So much is happening but why people are busy
Calculating profits and measuring gains.

When the world feels like a flat glass
Slip into your feet and like a kitchen stove
Ignite your own flame
And fill in our own treasure trove.

Sometimes, I find
This world to be a hopeless place
Nothing is in control.

Every time I see
People are walking in the streets
Wearing thick cement walls.

Some are broken
Walking with cracks
Erupting with volcanoes of lava hot.

They are the ones
Who burn themselves to light up the homes
Of those who are broken not.

The paradox of this world is this,
People who are broken
Get broken even more.

To build up the ones
Who are breaking the ones broke
To build up cement walls even more.

Sometimes I find,
This world to be a hopeless place
Nothing is in control.

The gloomy gloomy days

Become bloomy bloomy days

When I adjust my eye shades.

Just this morning
I woke up before the sleepy sun
The broom of chill wintery breeze
Washing away dry leaves in dozens

Just this morning
I dipped my feet in water warm
The brushstrokes of tap water
Massaging my toenail and the veins on my feet

Just this morning
I remembered someone who left me long ago
His memories vibrating inside me
At times, rolling down from my cheeks

In moments when I am dead
When I can’t feel
Floating like a piece of paper
Into walkways and gardens

I get irritated
By people touching me
Talking to me and
Paying attention to me

How do I tell them
That I love them dearly
But I don’t have a drop of love
Left to share with them

For all those who I loved
Left me dry and cold

In these moments
I just want to dip and sleep
In the ocean of solace
And never return from there

Like beak of a woodpecker
His memories keep on tapping me
Nibbling me from inside
And chipping away my bones
Into powder slowly and slowly.

I thought
There was someone
Who will be there for me

Only when I
Destroyed myself loving him
That I came to know
That no one was really
There for me
Even before him

He was an illusion
That came in my life
To let me see

That,

I am
All alone
In this world