at times, i wish i hadn't learned to love so much.

there is always a lingering weight in my chest;
my heart, already fragile enough,
fights to carry it through every waking moment.

hellos are my favorite things, but they're merely precursors
to the poison of goodbyes, to the sickness of loneliness
and the yearning to be elsewhere
in other places, with certain people.  

tears fall as quickly as grins go from ear to ear,
roaring laughter easily fades into deafening silence,
and this wishy-washy soul is one i could never get a hold of.

but what would i be without love,
without the burden of feeling?
what would i be without the days spent day dreaming,
the moments i run out of breath
from gushing about people and moments,
the nights spent crying all alone,
and being vulnerable to the world,
but feeling the best of it anyway?

i love, but i hurt.
i hurt, but i love.
and that is all that matters.

its alright if I am secondary to whoever comes before me.
its alright if you don't love me anymore.
Because I must, I must have a sine that sais 'use me'
And it must be my fault that you left.

Im sorry that I had a few morals, and I didn't want to have ***
Im sorry that I wanted to Waite till I was in my wedding bed.
And im sorry I made you do it, because my **** was my fault.
At least that's what you said.

Its not even a ****, I didn't **** you.
You never said no, you never told me to stop did you?
No I suppose your rite, I didn't tell you to stop.
You couldn't hear me after you covered my mouth.
And you couldn't see my face while tears rolled down.
And you didn't realize that the sounds coming from beneath your hands were my cry's for help.

I guess your rite, it wasn't a ****, because you wont admit it Im the one to blame?
No Not this time this wasn't my fault.
My parents still love me, what will yours think when they see you locked up behind bars like a vault.
because again I suppose my **** was my fault.

I am nothing but another face
You claim to love me?
Yet stare with nothing but disgrace
Love? Is nothing unique.

You slaughter me with words
**** me with jealousy
What am I doing so wrong?
Without committing a felony..

You live for my despair
Yet cry to others about the fights
What the **** am I doing here?
Just to cuddle at night?