Your fingers

are inside

         my

                 wet

                          warm

throat

pulling out

                        sighs

of desperation

and cries

that thunder down like rain

Lick my lips
Cradle my face
Gaze into my eyes
And tell me I'm safe

Redundant sexless girl
Unable to fulfill your biological purpose
The species will not continue
- Not from your *****.
Your womb is dried up
The monthly cleanse broken
Interrupted
Your ovaries cry out-
The rain does not come
The rain does not come
The rain does not come
To wash away the old
Prepare for the
Coiling, growing, emerging
The innocence to be birthed
And spoiled by this world's evil.
Redundant sexless girl
Drained of life-giving blood
Drained of nurturing power
Drained of womanhood
Redundant sexless girl
Barren girl
What use have you?
What purpose?
What right have you to still walk this most fertile Earth?

613 200 Hours
25 550 Days
13 Cars
11 Jobs
9 Dogs
6 Surgeries
5 Children
4 Grandchildren
3 Marriages
2 Siblings
1 Weary soul.
No regrets.

For the past week, everyday was an achievement day
But today I fell back in the pattern
Today was a day as before
It felt like an old book from the store

I knew I was doing great
I didn't think about you as much
But today I tripped again
It was not a question of why, but when

I knew I was making progress
But again I was back here
In this place where I don't want to be
This place without any symphony

I turn on the music
Yet there is nothing to see
I stand up to dance around
Yet there is nothing to say

I am back in that place again
That place called memory
It is nice there
But it is not reality

I need to get out of there
So I had to use an old patern
I needed to come back to reality
Just a jump start, was all I needed

So I am back here again
In this world full of pain
With a red river streaming down my arm
Like a rainy day pouring out red wine

It makes me come back to live
Just so I realise what I have
And every time again
I find my self sitting there with a broken thing

Covered in red
Squishy like jelly
Warm like glue wine
Broken like glass

That thing is my reality
It is my life
It is my heart
It is my love

I remember being a little girl
Spending late nights on the couch with my mom
Dozing off to Dancing With the Stars

I remember being a little girl
Playing dress up with my brother and sister
Without a care in the world

I remember being a little girl
Thinking I could be whoever I wanted
Knowing I could have whatever I dreamed

I remember growing up
Realizing the world isn't all sugar and spice
Certainly not everything nice

I remember growing up
Age 12 is the first time someone called me a woman
From their car racing past me

I remember growing up
And now instead of being a little girl
I just feel like one