The Vault

The Vault Apr 2017

Am I not good enough
That you won't say I look good
You say there is never a right moment
But there always has been
I love you
But never saying anything to me
Makes me feel useless and not good enough
Like saying it would be a lie
And a single compliment just is too hard
I try and compliment you
But now that I know I won't get it back
Then why should I
You don't even try
So why should I
I guess I am not good enough
Like everyone already says

Just yelling for help

The Vault Apr 2017

~Depressed~

I am upset
Always depressed
Never liking myself in a dress
Obsessed with death
unless my flesh has been dressed red

Almost rhymed.

#death #depressed #sadness #cutting #suicide

Apr 2017

Ryan Hoysan

I'm not perfect

You're perfect,
        She said.

And I felt myself crumble
        Because I knew I was not so

You are perfect,
        She repeated.

Perfect for me,
        You are everything I could ever want.

And I felt myself
        Become whole again.

This was written at 1 am, while I was missing your 2 o'clock snores and your 3 am sleepy smile floating across your face.

#love #not #relationship #i #perfect #she #perfection

The Vault Apr 2017

~I Hate Myself ~

I hate myself
I hate how I don't talk
I hate my fake smiles and laughs
I hate the mask of makeup I put on my face
Just to feel a little prettier
I hate how I look
Never skinner enough
No matter what I do
I hate myself
I hate how I have no friends
And how I will stay at home
Cutting my arm into a millions pieces
Just to feel something
I hate how everyone thinks that I am always like that
I hate no one will notice when I cry
I hate myself
I hate my body
I am trapped in and I can't escape
I hate how you don't notice how unhappy I am
And how I want to die
More than anything
But you have never seen me happy.
Not always depressed
With how I think people will think about me.
I hate myself
But I am trying to feel better
But I keep pushing myself down
I hate myself
I hate myself
I hate how you love me
I hate how you love my curves
And love how I snort when I truly laugh
I hate myself
But I will love myself if you will stay.
I hate how much you love me.
I hate myself

Yeah...

#suicide #lonely #self-hate

The Vault Mar 2017

~ Heart Broken ~

You ripped my heart out of my chest.
And I have no clue
How to put it back in.

#broken #heart-break

The Vault Mar 2017

~ Color and Paint ~

My mind is a mix of color and paint
Confusing me from reality and fake
Coloring me what I shouldn't be
Drawing all the colors of a world
That is not reality
And I can't stop
I don't have a choice now
This is my life
I could of escaped
If I thought of something
Other then color and paint

#paint #pain #depressed #color #obsessed

The Vault Mar 2017

~ Breath ~

Just breath in and out
But how do I do that?
Every breath seems to take more air out
Until I am suffocating on nothing at all
Breath
Take it one step at a time
But how do I do that?
Every step I take turns into a tumble
And now I am falling to my ultimate doom.
Breath
Everything will work out in the end
Or it won't
Maybe I was meant to fall and crash and burn
The minute I was born
Breath
Don't worry
But it is only going down hill
A never ending tumble
Until I crash and burn
And breath in the smoke
Until I suffocate
On nothing at all

#depression #doom #self-hate #suffication