Is everything lost in the deep?
Why have my feelings gone back to sleep?
How long must I wonder and not know?
When will I learn and grow?
Why am I here, empty-handed...
Still sitting there where I landed...
The shock was too sore...
I can't anymore...
I'm, again, drifting alone...
Lost and cold to the bone...
Either they don't know or don't care...
I don't really have a good reason to share...
If I want to tell them, what do I say?
What can they do to my situation anyway?
No hold in sight...
Nothing feels right...
This time, sadness isn't very strong...
But powerlessness is singing his song...
Though, grief isn't absent...
Anger is silent...
Whatever I do...
I'm always thinking of you...

I sadly can't keep these items anymore...
Here is the key to your heart's door...
And your token of love that you have to hold tight...
Just remember that I'm thinking of you every night...
And I still miss you too...
If you want a rhyme you can always ask me to make one for you...
If you need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here...
Never be scared and never fear...
I'm praying for you, Gabriel...
And I believe everything will go well...

Hi, dear Gabriel...
There is so much to say and tell...
But, still, I've nothing coming out of my mouth...
I wonder if this is part of my growth?
Without you, I'm incredibly lonely and lack colors...
Even though I'm surrounded by others...
People are everywhere around...
But you don't hear me making any sound...
Maybe I join a conversation here and there...
But do you notice at whom I stare?
Do you see who's eyes I avoid and search at the same time?
Do you realize how high, for you, I'll climb?
I might, smile, grin, laugh...
My skin might look very tough...
If you know what to say...
I'll quickly run away...
Don't you know how I feel?
Do you believe that what I once said is real?
Is it I you were meant to find?
Can you read my mind?
Don't you know that I don't compare your strength to that of other guys?
Do you see words written in my eyes?
Is it true that you love me still?
Can you tell me what is your will?
What are your dreams?
Tell me your favorite memories until your heart gleams...

Reaching for the stars...
Knowing they are the opposite of wars...
So silent in the sky...
Dancing so far and high...
My hand can only trace...
As they continue their pace...
What is behind that beautiful curtain of the sky?
Can someone there see me cry?
Maybe there is nothing but stars and space...?
But it sings beautifully with grace...
When we lose our hope in our path and road...
Then, we look up and see no load...
When we are hugging ourselves in the night...
That's when we notice the moonlight...
When we have fallen and been pushed to the ground...
When we lie there, we start looking around...
Only when we are running far away...
Do we think differently about what people say...
Lost in our own time...
Hitting our own hearts and stopping to shine...
When shall we learn to choose our emotions rightly?
When shall we stop to search for certainty?
Some things will never be certain...
But looking back at this beautiful curtain...
I also know that we all need our pillars of hope and certainty...
Love, peace, maybe even creativity....?
Just stop feeling home in that sadness and grief...
If you choose happiness you will taste that great relief...
But it's all in your hands and mind...
If you want to be rude or kind...
Just don't hesitate to cry...
It's better to let it go before you die...

I wish I could let my tears fall in the sea...
I wish Gabriel could hug me...
I wish I could run far away...
I wish there was a horse farm where I could stay...
I wish I could sing my thoughts to the moon...
But I know that nothing of that will happen soon...
The days keep dragging on slowly...
And I don't feel less lonely...
My heart is lost...
But it is Gabriel I miss the most...
Why does it hurt me so?
What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to go?
I've lost interest in a lot of things...
All I want is my own two wings...
I want to fly away so the hurt will be left behind...
But I know it will always stay in my mind...
I feel like asking Gabriel if he's okay...
But I've no idea what he'll say...
I want to talk to him...
But my heart is too dim...
Like the song says: I'm faded, so lost, I'm faded...
It's better than hated...
But it's still painful...
God has made my life less dull...
He's my only rock...
Luckily, He'll stay no matter how big the shock...

Sounds become unclear...
And I don't know what I hear...
My vision becomes blurred as I fall...
I don't even feel how I hit a wall...
The world goes black and I'm out...
I try so hard to shout...
But nothing of me wants to move or listen to my commands...
After an unknown amount of time, I wake up and look at my hands...
I hold a book I've never seen before...
Then, I hear the sound of a creaking door...
I look around me to find that I'm not where I fell...
It's not a cage and not a room, but a cell...
But, strangely, I find no door and no entrance of any kind...
A table, a chair, is all I find...
A blanket over me, so I'm not cold...
My attention returns to the book I still hold...
Its title reads "Journal 1."
I open it and I start reading till I'm done...
Short, thin, and small...
I quickly read it all...
A boy that lost the things he cared about...
How he tried but got thrown out...
Lonely and cold, he was left to die...
But he stood up once more to try...
He was looked down upon and laughed at...
But he refused to give up, no matter what...
He successfully became rich and wealthy...
He no longer belonged under the poor and filthy...
The story ends where he saves a girl from being attacked and killed...
People wanted her tongue to be stilled...
But he took her away to a safe place...
So the other don't have any clue or trace...
I turn the last page to find a key...
A note tied to it addressed to me...
"Dear Rain. Sorry for taking you away without warning."
"Please ask if you need anything."
"The latch is under the chair."
"Please watch out and take care."
I climb off and look under the chair...
And I find the latch there...
I open it with the key...
But underneath there is only darkness to see...

The sky is broken...
I'm holding his love token...
And as I look up into the starry sky...
The wind makes my tears go dry...
The waves join the dance...
And, again, the moon reveals my second chance...
I take a deep breath of cold air...
And suddenly I'm elsewhere...
Back in time, when I still had him by my side...
Before all my joy died...
I remember his smile that made everything right...
But, then, I remember I won't see it tonight...
I open my eyes again to gaze upon the lake...
Shock by shock, my shoulders shake...
My eyes are caught by the moon once more...
And for the thousandth time, I see an open door...
My heart lays broken within...
But from the darkness, I will win...
The pain is heavy to hold...
The once beating heart has turned to stone and is cold...
He might be gone right now...
I just need to get to him, but how...?
The past is the past and so it will stay...
It can't change or go away...
The future is what we must focus on...
Before it is present and then gone...
I look into the deep blue beneath...
And suddenly, I don't feel fear's teeth...
I get up and just stand there for a while...
Wild running questions heap up into a pile...
Then, I feel a warm breath from behind.....
And possibilities flash through my mind...
A creak of wood and a hand through my hair...
I turn around, and in his smile I stare...
He takes me in his protective arms...
And suddenly my heart warms...
My sobs rise up and my tears fall down...
My happiness is greater than shown...
After a while, I become calm and start asking...
But he puts his finger on my lips and stops me from talking...
"I wish it was different but this is my goodbye...."
I am speechless for a while but answer "Why?"
He starts shaking his head as his face shows he's in pain too...
He whispers "I love you..."
Then, he fades away...
And I wake up to find it's day...

Time has passed...
Today has come so fast...
And yet so slow...
Just the speed that plants grow...

I've not been able to talk to you...
All this time, I've been stuck on what to do...
There has been a stupid error...
The help team doesn't answer...
Maybe I should call them this time?
Will they help me undo this crime?
Of staying silent to you...
Honestly, I don't know what to do...

So now, I write again here...
Stating everything clear...
Because it's your birthday...
And I just wanna say...
I'm so glad I could've met you...
You were not just a person I listened to...
You were a good friend to me...
Forever you'll be...
One of the sweetest persons out there...
Kind, patient, understanding, you care...
I hope and pray that you have a good day...
That you are smiling all the way...

It bothers me about every day or more...
I can't chat with you like before...
I couldn't even check the message you sent on my birthday...
I only saw that you sent something on that day...
And I appreciate you for that...
Don't think I've forgotten it...

I still love you as a friend...
Believe me, this is not the end...