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Suzy Young Oct 2018
It started out joking
Hypochondria, fear, the usual comedy
Your expression attracted my eye
Despair, longing, pain
So purely pressed into me
Radiating from those dark sunken eyes
That hard line of mouth

"I'm sorry, it's sensitive"
Little cousin I called her
Just 20 this year
That's as old as she'll get
Stage 4, there isn't much hope

Mom said she's done
She'll take her own life
I'm calling her everyday
Hoping she'll feel better
Stay my mom for a few more years

The tears started flowing a dismal parade
I don't have friends here
All I have is you three
With our few hours of playtime
Per month of agony

I needed this
I needed you
I needed someone
To keep me from breaking
To keep me trying

We are all gonna be dying some day
It's good to know we'll have someone
Willing to be there and listen
When we are giving up, sunken
Someone to hold us
When we just have to cry
To my friend Jaimie. I'm sorry.
Suzy Young Oct 2018
Aging
It begins with a whisper
Different goals, lower expectations
The past beginning to fold in
Aching creaking bodies
No longer too young to die
Pressures displaced
Making babies
Paying taxes
Slimming debt
Years begin to scream
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE YOU THAT YOU WANTED
TIME IS RUNNING OUT
Pipe dreams shredded with old receipts
Your bunkmates married with kids
Another old conversation
Saunters through brain waves as you stare at wedding photos
Buy an expensive car
Have a scandalous affair
Peirce strange places
They ask why?
Because
That’s just what people do
Get old
Get scared
Pretend
Suzy Young Oct 2018
I cannot remember the last time I cried
It used to be a daily activity
I felt so deeply
Every moment hurled at me
Jealousy, longing, love, passion, sadness
Now in its place
All consuming fear, dissatisfaction, confusion
Pain
Is this what growing older is
Doomed to a fate of feeling nothing
Pushing through to get it done
Without a thought for happiness
No concept of the emotions so long in my company
I am numbed and destroyed
A shriveled husk of my former passions
It has been so long since I have felt something deeply that I decided to write a poem about  losing my passion and creative energy
Suzy Young Oct 2018
Smells of sweet damp earth
Sun, sparkling through trees
A squirrel runs, mouth full of food.
Watching, sleep deprived
Drawing deeply on the cheerful air.
Tears collecting, unchecked.
One cool wind brushes bare skin
Hairs standing on end
Drops slip passed beaming lips
Absolute ecstasy
One day a few years ago after a particularly late night of studying I had a moment of true pure simple joy on the way back to my house after class. The wind brushed me in just the right way the sun hit me in just the right way and everything was good. I cried because no moment had ever been so perfect and none have since.
Suzy Young Oct 2018
I imagine you beside me
Dreaming of what we could be
Sitting together under our tree
Dreaming and dreaming of you and me
Why can’t you see
I love you more than I’ve ever loved me
Playing with some end rhyme.
Suzy Young Oct 2018
Trapped in a room staring at sheets, screens, and walls
Mind slipping to crunching leaves beneath my feet
Times of peace in a different world
A world uncontrolled
Nothing is simple only free to live in the light, untamed
Scratches on the door soft whimpers
Come here my boy
It could just be you and me together in our world
Soaking up the smells willow branches dancing around us
You and I embracing the uncontrolled
Running, laughing, sharing our silences
Tail wagging, dragging me from contemplation into a smile
Up with me
A friend unparalleled, companion in my fear and anger
Comfort in my sadness, destroyer of my loneliness
Lets go together, escape this life and join the leaves
Feel the underbrush, the rays of light together.
Just us two together with the wild
No more struggling to make life into more
Just being with the hum of the woods and the babble of brooks
Tomorrow maybe you and I we will go for a walk
A run
Into a new life, free together
Dedicated to J. Jarvis and his dog Boomer

— The End —