I am change
And the opposite of change.
I am the turbulent turning of the tides
And the repeating rhythms that hold them in place.
I am the relentless forward march of time
And the regular rotations of a clock.
I am the frenzied lunges of a caged animal
And the immovable bars that keep it confined.
I am perpetually in motion
Yet I am confined by strange laws and forces beyond my control.

I yearn for freedom.
I am enslaved by the grooves that hold this roller-coaster in its blind orbit.
I am exhausted by this robotically rambling train of thought that never leaves its tracks.
I am weary of this winding waterway that chases its tail in a helpless cycle,
That only leads inevitably to the same heights of hope and depths of despair.

I want to wander and know that I won’t simply return to where I began.
I want to write a new story where I do not already know the ending.
I want this story to have a real absolute ****** and real absolute resolution.
I want to break the machinery that has fused with my heart and brain and spirit.
I want to hear the scream of steel and hissing of wires as it is scattered into lifeless fragments.
I want to hear the roller-coaster’s final chuffs of protest as it grinds to a halt.
I want to know that it is finished and I am only beginning.
I want to live and know that I am truly alive.

I wish I could be a hero
I wish I could revive the hope in someone’s eyes by soaring through the sky
A shooting star they could wish upon for everything to be fine
I wish I was fast enough to stop every speeding bullet
From leaving every hate-filled gun
I wish I was strong enough to lift crumbled ruins of buildings and people
But sometimes it feels hopeless to even try

I wish my eyes were never blinded by the night
I wish my footsteps never faltered in the failing light
I wish I knew that the wind and waves were on my side
That they would never turn and seize me in their icy fingers
I wish I could trust the ground beneath my feet
To follow the contours of my intentions
And support me through every shift and shiver of this fractured surface

I wish I could speak so anyone could hear me
I wish my voice reverberated across time and space
To reach the people who wanted to hear it
Who needed to hear it
I wish that I could just as easily discern the thoughts and emotions of others
I wish I could synchronise my heartbeat with yours
Until our pulses aligned like two parallel metronomes
Keeping time as one in a sonic eclipse

I wish I could say the word and life would grow where there was none
I wish I could start every sleeping heart
Until we are all wide awake and wide-eyed with wonder
I wish skyscrapers of motion and emotion would assemble themselves at my command
Like a rabbit leaping out of a magician’s hat
But that is a magic that will never spark from my fingers or any wand within my reach

None of these are powers I possess
But this does not mean I am helpless
I may have a single stone but it can bring giants to their knees
I am strong and capable and powerful
I am a force to be reckoned with
I am choosing to use my gifts to make this world better and brighter
I am a hero

Music requires conflict
Confrontation
Force

Without the friction between a bow and strings,
A violin would simply be an ornament
An empty wooden box full of untapped potential
Surrounded by dust and dead air

Like electricity jolting through a motionless heart
Without the collision of mallets or sticks with the smooth skin of a drum,
There would be no resulting thunderclap
No rhythmic pulse
No heartbeat
No life
There would just be the steady tone of a flatline
The deafening ring of absence

Without the force of fingers on keys
No sound could be unlocked by a piano
The black and white shards of a scale would not dance up and down in delight
Like a happy puppet connected by strings to the master of its voice

Though appealing,
Passive peace alone will not result
In the ripple of sound waves that travels across an ocean of air
To reach our ears and our hearts
That moves us and molds us
Into more than we once were

The laws of physics
Say that sound can’t come from silence
Not without a catalyst
An equivalent input
Kinetic energy for sound energy
An alchemy of the soul

Music is the echo of our emotion
Our motivation
Without it there is only emptiness

When the promised hope of spring is swept away by wind and rain
When lifeless leaves are falling like ashes to the ground
When the frozen sleep of winter has muffled your voice to silence
When your ears are ringing because the sun is screaming
And your weary soul can never escape the sound

There is a fir in the forest
Its compass needles will stay firm and true
An evergreen chorus
It will stand through every season
And it will lead you safely home

When every other leafy pillar snaps under the weight of winter snow
When autumn sets fire to the safety of green and slowly burns it to brown
When the scorching heat has left you dry and thirsting for release
When the ice is surely cracking, the clear connections keep collapsing,
And you’re sure that in your lacking you will drown

There is a fir in the forest
Its compass needles will stay firm and true
An evergreen chorus
It will stand through every season
And it will lead you safely home

When the flash of colours through the seasons leaves you dizzy and confused
When the world just won’t stop spinning,
And time it just goes on and on and on.
When all the twists and turning have you yearning
For something to stay the same

There is a fir in the forest
Its compass needles will stay firm and true
An evergreen chorus
It will stand through every season
And it will lead you safely home

Streetlights glow weakly in the darkness like mechanical stars,
A feeble echo of the sun.
Steel sentinels standing at attention.
But they are tired.
Their unsteady flickering pulses
Like laboured breaths weakened by exhaustion.
Each one is a tiny flame surrounded on all sides
By an icy black ocean of isolation.
Each one is a lone soldier of light
Surrounded by an endless army of shadows.

But each spark of resistance
Stands as a lighthouse in the crashing chaotic waves,
A beacon of hope
That fills a small space in the void,
Carving out a slice of the vast emptiness.
Each is a rallying cry shouted into the clamouring clashes of the battle,
A decision to continue.
No matter what.

And so they wait for the break of day
When the sun will rise,
And its natural abounding light will erase the darkness
Into a distant disappearing memory.