You don't have to be alone
To feel alone.
I still struggle with that
Despite how much I've grown.
I still have my friends,
My family, my fans.
But when I look down, all I see
are my empty hands.
It's the chaos that makes the orderly
And this I tell you solemnly
It's the crooked man that draws the straightest
The crazy eyes that make the greatest.
Beauty is from ugly spawned
The frog prince in a wild pond
The genius with his untamed hair
Wright Brothers with their crazy dare
An artist with a broken mind
Led out of chaos by this kind
I want to do better,
But drugs want to do me.
Poisons and potions
Past years of emotions
Regretting my actions
Forgetting my passions
Feelings can't be felt, I've drowned them and numbed them out
I'm insecure and full of doubt
Any chance of hope, I snuffed it out
Replaced it with fear and impending doom
Get out of my way please give me some room
All alone, isolation is home
Pushed everyone away so I can suffer alone
Look in the mirror, see a stranger I fear
No longer trust anyone, death is near
Can't handle feeling, won't allow it
Redirect my thoughts,
self destructions my power
Silence is deafening, hour by hour
Forget I exist, I won't be here tomorrow
No hope, just dope, is how I cope, I'm a coward
Self mutilation, my ****** creation
The more I bleed, closer to freed
Please God forgive me, my souls in need.
If you ever see me
on the ground.
something wrong with me.
or that I’m not conscious,
don’t look for my breath
don’t reach for a phone to call
an ambulance that will drive me
to the hospice
to which the world throws you in
when your window sill climbing,
in the dirt rolling
like child with freeing thoughts drooling
or law-culture breaking
gets too much
of a crime for them.
don’t ask me if I see still fine
your two or four fingers
yet look for the tears in my eyes.
For if I don’t have them anymore
and won’t get myself then or ever again
to truly cry,
it is only then
that you’ll know
I stopped fighting,
I ultimately ***** myself
and I forgot
there is more Beyond.
and without that
my existence isn’t worth
looking for the pulse
I will not be worth
of seeing stars
as a boy
I swear on you
Thought of when once I felt
That the Village’s walls want always
To take over us
And make us forget
There is actually worth
Thought of when imagined
That I would cease to wonder
Cry, bless or use my Legend
When I thought how others are unwelcome
Of my antics, Liberty and the New I carry
Every time you wake into
Walking this Village’s annihilation
That one day you’ll come
To agree to it all.
This is what others don’t know as Death
Everything I thought I knew
Turns out it wasn't true.
Now I find myself feeling blue
Only because I believed in you.