When it started, I felt butterflies flapping frantically in my chest
Whenever you spoke, whatever you said
And those sweet words that rolled off of your tongue,
Your voice light and loving and lilting with charm and candy-coated promises
And so on it went, weeks and words,
months and words,
Always the same words.
The butterflies grew tired of all the same words.
The air they flew in has grown stale
They’re off to find fresher skies now
And they’ll stop in to say hello, but only on days
When clouds, memories, bittersweet longing rolls through the sky.
But they don’t stay anymore. This isn’t their home, anymore.
They want a place where they can land on your fingertips, leaving their feathers on your palm,
Watching your face light up like the sun that always seems to be overcast, nowadays.
It’s not a lie to imagine if you never believed it could happen.
And so the air stays still,
And the clouds linger,
And all we have now is
Words.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

In the room across the hall,
You see me, I’m all alone
Behind deadbolts and locked doors,
I built them on my own

You knock and knock, my ears are closed
To everything outside,
I’m smothered under voices,
And all they let me do is hide

“No one’s knocking,” I’m convinced
The door is closed and locked.
And to all the affirmations
My head is being blocked

The walls keep getting smaller,
I’ve barred myself inside
Chained down by doubt, by every word,
“I love you” is a lie.

I can’t hear you over all the buzz,
Just tell it all to stop.
I want the truth, never said I could take it
I’m bracing for the drop

I’m locked inside this room,
And I’m just about ready to snap,
And you don’t know to let me out
Because you don’t know that I’m trapped!

I’m trying to believe it.
Someday I’ll ask you for the key.
Just know that I, I’m sorry.
For the nightmare that is me.

Pillows lay the case to wake up past 3 oclock
Face faded in dreams make razors on cheek comfortable to me
Blond bold because i barely gave red a try
Is breakfast ready for me
Backing beauty with a blue t , turning to me all bright and free , afro messy , eyes maybe brown, maybe green
Did i mention i couldnt see
Reality just came back to me
Even tho these eyes rarely catch seas
I still see star shaped almonds in cereal bowls put before see


Meet her meteor shower plastic kungfu hopes
My mettle met with metal, she was bars for the screen
So in between things, i smell scent and add my two cents
But when change comes short,  gasoline gases up things
Thunder booms and she can never quite see was behindthe bangs
But that's another thing cause cereal is really tho
Another taste of almomd milk cheerios

We spent so much time saying “I love you,”
That we forgot to fall in love.

Square stones surround a lake, bright blue
Flirting with the leaves, their hues
Vivaciously vibrant and ever refreshing
Dotted with robins and cardinals nesting

They sing for me, a lovely song,
My attention lingers far too long.
And the water doesn’t make much sound
But my shoes are tapping on the ground

Everything lush, so perfectly fragrant,
It's hard to believe that it ever was stagnant.
The pollen, the sap, the freshwater pond
Of this lively scene, I am growing quite fond.

A breeze blows by, and I am awed
By its gentle pushes, how it prods
“Let’s go!” It laughs, and I follow its lead,
The guidance it gives me is all that I need

For it to be bitter, I was braced,
But I’m surprised how sweet it tastes.
Like iced tea on a summer day,
Here forever, I could stay.