She tried to block
everyone out.
She told herself she wouldn't
allow anyone to hurt her any more.

She lied.

She knew, deep down, that the walls
she prided herself on - the ones she
claimed she topped with barbed wire
and electricity, were really just small
white picket fences with far too many hinges.

She knew that there was a
“Welcome” mat sitting at the door
to her heart that had been caked
with the dirt from the previous men
who had walked all over her.

Yet it still lay there, cheery and
hopeful as ever, that one day
someone would walk in and
make themselves at home-
maybe someday someone wouldn't
end up walking right back out.

She was naive- blind sided by her
own dreams that one day things
would be different;
that one day she wouldn't have
to hurt any more. She dreamt that
she would finally meet someone
who wasn't like everyone else.

Someone who would stay.

Her dreams would never come true;
but no one had the heart to warn her
of that-
even if they had she would have
disagreed, even though
subconsciously
she would have known she was
the one who was wrong.

Her heart may have been weak but
her will was weaker.

She never had the strength to
protect herself; or to build better
walls; or to burn the welcome mat;
or to lock the door.

She’ll never know
how not to let people in.

So instead he greets the
with a smile and dives in
heart first, granting everyone
a chance to get inside
and destroy her, every time.

She’ll never learn…

She must've gotten tired
of slicing her wrists with razors
And setting fire to her skin
So she burned herself on lovers
And cut herself on friends

It hurts so bad I forgot how to cry
I still smile through each day
Stumbling
Blind
To everything I feel
Blundering towards the unknown
Not a tear will fall
Sometimes
It just gets hard to see
Hard to push my numb legs to walk
And my tingling fingers to feel again
Blatantly lying to each face i see
A smile will make them forget,
My scream
Tear-filled eyes bubbling up
Clenching and unclenching fists
The inability to breath  
My lungs burn as I give up the ability
To fight back
I can't run I am stuck

I hate being the strong one
The one everyone knows they can rely on
When I cry they're confused
I'm not the one who can do that
When I break they don't get it
I can't do that either
But I do
And I fix things before I give them to others
My smile
My laugh
Everything I say
I filter it into what they need
They need to hear it so I say it
Sometimes I forget
And I show them who I really am
I show them the person I am behind the strength
The fragile being I truly am inside
They get scared and confused
And run away from me
Or they stay and try to fix me
I don't appreciate that
I fix myself by helping you
And if you start helping me
I may just fall apart completely