I tend to tell everyone that I’m fine
and that things are getting better
also that the pain inside is fading
but I still feel the sting of the pain
there are scars deep in my heart
and they are only getting deeper
the pain in my eyes is lingering
i’m trying to hide my tears all day
every second of the day
I can’t look into your eyes
cause my guard will be teared down
I’m trying to hide away the pain
for my own and everyone else’ good
I’m hurt, ashamed and scared

*(s.m)

I look happy, don’t I?
there are no cuts on my wrists
all you see
is the smile on my lips
maybe even a spark in my eyes
and all you hear
is me telling everyone i'm fine
maybe even a laugh once in a while

but when will you look deep into my eyes
look beneath the spark and the blue color
see the emptiness and the darkness in me

   when you will realize
the smile is a facade
i'm not happy, it's fake, i'm hiding my tears
   when you will see
the spark is a blur
i'm not happy, i’m on the edge to tears
   when you will hear
the laugh is a scream
i'm not happy, i’m choking on pain

did you check my heart? it’s filled with scars

*(s.m)

why is it that I can’t leave my things
without you having to open them
they are mine, and they are personal
they will scare you and make you cry
so for your own good, don’t open them
my world is darker than the color black
you have never been where i am and
you will never understand it so don’t,
leave my things alone, they are mine

*(s.m)

Sitting in class
pinching my wrist
trying to focus
my eyes hurt
and itch from
all the crying
i did last night

Sitting at home
i put on my
happy face
acting up
like nothing’s
wrong and my
day went great

With friends
i laugh
with them
acting like
i’m happy
and without
worries

Sitting alone
music blasting
writing proems
thinking and
worrying, trying
not to cry
falling apart

*(s.m)

she gave me a piece of paper
and told me to write it all down
all my thoughts and my feelings
and explain all my demons inside
all the pain that occurs in my body
just write it down for me she said
stared at the blank piece of paper
paper that was white as pure snow
and it was still blank after hours
but that explains it very well though
i don’t feel anything

*(s.m)

sometimes it all just gets to much
i get so sad and upset that i can’t breathe
so how on earth do you expect me to talk
and tell you about all the demons inside me
when they are sitting on my lungs?

*(s.m)

Yesterday, I felt like I mattered to someone
she remembered my name and my face
how I used to look and where I’ve been
she asked me about some things that
i barely remember, but she did
she’s unbelievably amazing
she saved my life back then
and she doesn’t even know
i had a perfect night
she saved me
once again
yesterday

*(s.m)