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Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I am so confused.
Confusion is a precarious state.
I feel so depressed
into the oblivion of a thousand lethargies I plummet.

I don’t know how to let it out
From sadness I cannot rest
so it rolls on for perpetuity.
It rolls on unexpressed

I could slice my flesh
Paint a beautiful artwork with red
but I’m so tired.

I could eat my feelings, then purge,
Until my stomach aches, hands shake
but I’ve already done that.

I could lash out in an epoch
of hidden rebellion
but I can’t escape my fortress of living hell.

There are no ways out

I don’t have the motivation to exist.
I don’t have the motivation to breathe
But I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to die.

I am supressed  
I am oppressed
I am depressed.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I opened up to you,
about my struggles, my destructive behaviors
and you said just don't do it.
If i could "just not do it",
I wouldn't have any secrets to be sharing with you.
I wouldn't be so depressed that I needed you.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I sat
       staring,
           at the wall.
                   Pleading,
                             for how
                                   life was
                                           before.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I am the Target that is placed on a wall
You are the arrow shot from a bow
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I am devoid of something,
I am a void of nothing.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
Among the grass there is a rose
Beautiful and intricate
He lives in a world of his own
Be he will never be picked
You see
Because he’s different
He’s labelled as a freak
"Touch him and you get a disease"
But they don’t get that
He is just a little boy
Not some dysfunctional toy
That can be sent back
To the factory
With a stamp saying
Broken
Reject
Spaz
People say kids can be cruel
I don’t know why they do what they do
But by saying this you condone it
So they never own it
when they’ve made a little boy question
"What is wrong with me"
When my little brother
Looks me in the eyes saying *****
"Why can’t I be normal?"
A part of me will die
As if normal is something you want to attain
If normal is taking the knife from your back
And stabbing someone three times harder
I'll refrain
His differences change
The way he sees the world
He would never deceive you
Incapable of malice  
He would never be mean to you
His differences will change the world
Albert Einstein
Where do you think he was on the spectrum line
Still people don’t see him
He loves everyone
Still people choose to beat him
To tear him down
Not all of this has happened now
But another part of me will die
When he goes to school
And I look into his eyes
Black and blue
Because he didn’t understand
that what he did was little strange
so, some kid raised their hand
and tried and rearrange
his beautiful face
the thought makes me physical ache
a person with autism is not disabled
no
they are enabled
to see the world for what it is
my brother
I would die
if it meant
Those big brown eyes
Are never made
to cry.
Sorry this is a bit off a long poem, but I feel that this issue really needs to be addressed. People with autism suffer in silence and on top of that they are being torn down and bullied for something that makes them beautiful for the way they were born.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
old habits die hard

and when he doesn't die
he craws up next to you at night
arm on your waist
voice in your ear
"why haven't i seen you lately
my dear"

old habits will be the death of me
every time i get free
he knocks me down
onto the floor
he screams just do it
old habits has opened his door
just complete the ritual
just do it
no one will know
it's our secret
old habits
please keep it

old habits, old prisons

old habits die hard
i thought it would be fine
i gave into his lies
just one more time
but this time
i thought i was dying
i felt like i was dying
hunched over crying
i knew he'd never let me free
old habits has enslaved me
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