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Rose Cliff Dec 2019
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Why is it we are predisposed
To find the smallest signs
To confirm our worst beliefs
.
Rose Cliff Jul 2020
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I want to write,
but I write what I feel

and I can't feel anymore.
Rose Cliff Dec 2021
𝙸 πš•πš˜πšŸπšŽπš 𝚒𝚘𝚞.
π™±πšžπš 𝙸 πšŒπš˜πšžπš•πš πš—πšŽπšŸπšŽπš› 𝚜𝚊𝚒 πšπš‘πšŠπš
πš‚πš˜ πš’πš— πšπš‘πšŽ πšπšŠπš›πš” 𝚠𝚎 πšŒπš˜πš–πš–πš’πšπšπšŽπš πš˜πšžπš› πš‹πš›πš˜πš”πšŽπš— 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚜.

𝚈𝚘𝚞 πš πšŠπš—πšπšŽπš πš–πšŽ 𝚝𝚘𝚘.
π™±πšžπš 𝚒𝚘𝚞 πšŒπš˜πšžπš•πš πš—πšŽπšŸπšŽπš› 𝚜𝚊𝚒 πšπš‘πšŠπš
πš‚πš˜ πš˜πš— πšπš‘πš˜πšœπšŽ πš—πš’πšπš‘πšπšœ 𝚠𝚎 πš‹πš›πš˜πš”πšŽ πš˜πšžπš›πšœπšŽπš•πšŸπšŽπšœ.
π™³πšŽπš•πš’πš›πš’πš˜πšžπšœ πšπš›πš˜πš– πš˜πšžπš› πš‘πšžπš—πšπšŽπš›.
Rose Cliff Mar 2021
Into the oblivion
of one thousand lethargies
...
I plummet.
A
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
***
addiction
breathe in, breathe out
open the bottle pour a glass
breathe in, scream and shout
how long did I last
drinking oceans hoping to drown
smoking fires hoping to choke
I am spiraling down
I won’t admit that I can’t cope
Rose Cliff Sep 2021
I’ve tried every anodyne  
Alcohol, nicotine
Waiting for it to fix me
Rose Cliff Sep 2019
I know you never approve
I always disappoint you
But this is my life
And I have a point to prove
Mood
Rose Cliff Aug 2021
The air is thicker than it use to be
It takes too much strength to fill these lungs
Why did they change the way we breathe
Weren’t we trying hard enough
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
Among the grass there is a rose
Beautiful and intricate
He lives in a world of his own
Be he will never be picked
You see
Because he’s different
He’s labelled as a freak
"Touch him and you get a disease"
But they don’t get that
He is just a little boy
Not some dysfunctional toy
That can be sent back
To the factory
With a stamp saying
Broken
Reject
Spaz
People say kids can be cruel
I don’t know why they do what they do
But by saying this you condone it
So they never own it
when they’ve made a little boy question
"What is wrong with me"
When my little brother
Looks me in the eyes saying *****
"Why can’t I be normal?"
A part of me will die
As if normal is something you want to attain
If normal is taking the knife from your back
And stabbing someone three times harder
I'll refrain
His differences change
The way he sees the world
He would never deceive you
Incapable of malice  
He would never be mean to you
His differences will change the world
Albert Einstein
Where do you think he was on the spectrum line
Still people don’t see him
He loves everyone
Still people choose to beat him
To tear him down
Not all of this has happened now
But another part of me will die
When he goes to school
And I look into his eyes
Black and blue
Because he didn’t understand
that what he did was little strange
so, some kid raised their hand
and tried and rearrange
his beautiful face
the thought makes me physical ache
a person with autism is not disabled
no
they are enabled
to see the world for what it is
my brother
I would die
if it meant
Those big brown eyes
Are never made
to cry.
Sorry this is a bit off a long poem, but I feel that this issue really needs to be addressed. People with autism suffer in silence and on top of that they are being torn down and bullied for something that makes them beautiful for the way they were born.
Rose Cliff May 2019
I lost my black dog.

Today he came home.
Rose Cliff Sep 2019
Its an estranged place of beauty
Magnanimous cruelty marks its face
the land of such awe screams mutiny
pleading for a safer place

desert oaks tenaciously grasp the ground
lightning struck gums an effigy to protest
the cataclysmic weather reigning down
the incongruities perpetually contest

spurious clouds pass over head
mocking the parched plants, they ****
despite the drought amongst the dead
orange melts a sunset onto every hill

the beguiling desert offers many wonders
surely it will draw many in
but it only takes one that ponders
to see it represents our brokenness within
Rose Cliff Jan 2020
You came to me
With your head held high
Looking down on me
Intoxicated with pride

But now your On your knees
Begging me,
Please
Rose Cliff Sep 2019
they played with fire
because they wanted to get burnt

sad eyes blown away with smoke
sadder smiles drinking false hope

playing spin the bottle
trying to kiss the brokenness in each other

they were so lonely
but at least they weren't alone
Rose Cliff Jan 2021
Every flower I touch wilts
And decays
That is why I carry a bouquet
Of dead flowers
Because you cannot **** what is already dead
I am so sorry that I will break you but death follows me around
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I am devoid of something,
I am a void of nothing.
Rose Cliff Aug 2021
we feel in the full fury
of each dimension
our essence constantly filling
but when we express
we force it into the planisphere

we can only express in less dimensions than we feel

our essence is brimming
constantly filling
unable to stop the flood
unable to release the valve
we are stuck in the infinite
forever rising forever filling
forever drowning in a sea of colours
forever deafened by velvet sonnets
forever blinded by lilting mosaics

what a world this would be if we could express in all the dimensions we feel
but would we begin to feel in new dimensions?
perpetuating the need for expression

forever falling
in the positive void coefficient
Rose Cliff Sep 2019
Wine coloured lipstick
and leather boots
divided attention
Cause my minds on you
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
Don’t worry about our lives
Were doing just fine
So don’t worry when we cry
Or get high
Because we all want to touch the sky
Sometimes.
Rose Cliff Jan 2019
I can feel it coming back
The hollow cavity, once again
Has claimed residence in my chest
I can feel it suppressing each breath
It weighs me down, I am carrying lead
It poisons my blood stream
I try to scream
Nothing escapes because my lungs are filling
I can’t breathe
The viscous liquid is killing
The world has drowned
Or possibly
It was me

Like quicksand, the more I struggle
The more the sand buries me
Inch by inch
Gasping for breath the small sediments
sting my throat
there’s no way out
only down
only the ground
that fills my lungs
I can’t breathe
No more sound
The world has drowned
Or maybe
It was me

The grains of sand fly through the sky
The wind picks up
More and more sand flies
It whips my hair, it stings my eyes
The wind gains strength
Calamitous glory
The grains meld together
They move together
They pulsate and writhe
Seemingly devoid of time
They fall and rise
A sea of sand dunes takes the skies
I can’t breathe
There is no more air
The world has drowned
Or conceivably
It was me

It sounds different from the ocean
I can hear the movements of each grain
I can hear their commotion
The tide pulls my legs
The wind rips my hair
The waves crash down on my body
Thousands of tiny scratches cover me
Head to toe
My skin is sanded thin as paper
The current is swirling
The sound of sand rushes
Like the indistinct murmur of hushes
The wave rises
The wave rises
If a wave rises it must fall
The wave falls
I cant breathe
I am crumpled, a paper ball
The world has drowned
Or likely
It was me


The thinnest parts of me rip
I spill out into the sea of grains
Undefinable, my pain
Indescribable
I can no longer tell where I begin
And where the ocean ends
I can now see the way the sky bends
The water becomes salty from my tears
Or maybe the salty water is my tears
My fading gaze flickers to the horizon
It is just a straight line
The world has drowned
And certainly
It was me
but inconceivably
Its all just a straight line
Rose Cliff Aug 2021
It's a hollow kind
of happiness
But I'm addicted to
the emptiness
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
As she drained the bottle of wine
She realised
It was empty just like
Everyone's promises
Rose Cliff Aug 2021
I want to find the eternal sea
Where the horizon dare not touch the sky
But they exist ubiquitously
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
And so my tears they fell
As I sat and watched my world
Fall apart
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
It's hurts so much
To feel everything
But nothing
All at once
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
Drowning in the ocean of your eyes
you leaned in just too far awayΒ Β 
Your lips taunting me
You had me playing mercy
I was begging you to take me
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
In the glow of the fire
Everyone knows your a fighter
How knows Maybe one day
We'll all wake up without pain
Rose Cliff Jan 2021
Finally,
I have the strength to say goodbye
Time brings all finalities and now it is time for ours
Go
Rose Cliff Sep 2021
Go
I want you to melt off me
You burden my shoulders
You are my disease
I cannot live with you
But I cannot make you go
I cannot escape you
You cannot escape me
We are mutually dependant
On the others destruction
This probably isn’t about what you think it is
Rose Cliff Sep 2021
I thought I would come back
But I haven’t
I’m still waiting

Where did I go.
Rose Cliff Jul 2020
I ask you, just be honest,
I'd rather have my dignity
then a false sense of security.
Rose Cliff Dec 2019
Yes I am a woman
And I refuse to be afraid of my hips
Or the way my body dips
Below my *******
Because I might be trapped again

I refuse to believe
I am only worth one thing
I refuse to believe
that I am only for your satisfaction
Because I am so much more
than this physic
And it is your loss
that you were unable to look past
And see the lion beneath
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I am so confused.
Confusion is a precarious state.
I feel so depressed
into the oblivion of a thousand lethargies I plummet.

I don’t know how to let it out
From sadness I cannot rest
so it rolls on for perpetuity.
It rolls on unexpressed

I could slice my flesh
Paint a beautiful artwork with red
but I’m so tired.

I could eat my feelings, then purge,
Until my stomach aches, hands shake
but I’ve already done that.

I could lash out in an epoch
of hidden rebellion
but I can’t escape my fortress of living hell.

There are no ways out

I don’t have the motivation to exist.
I don’t have the motivation to breathe
But I’m too tired to sleep
I’m too tired to die.

I am supressed  
I am oppressed
I am depressed.
Rose Cliff Apr 2019
How long do you want me to wait
20 minuets 3 years
I hate myself
Because I know I’ll wait for you until death appears
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I opened up to you,
about my struggles, my destructive behaviors
and you said just don't do it.
If i could "just not do it",
I wouldn't have any secrets to be sharing with you.
I wouldn't be so depressed that I needed you.
Rose Cliff Mar 2020
Some people are designed to collide
In union intricate patterns blossom
Within their behaviour

Whilst the reaction of mixing others
Births a toxicity
that leads to an inevitable decay of life
Rose Cliff Mar 2020
some people believe birthdays
are a time of celebration
whilst mine forces me into a
sobering reflection
each year the withdrawal
becomes stronger
for each year my life keeps
falling
apart
and each year i cut my hands
trying to assemble the broken
pieces
of the past
Rose Cliff Feb 2019
I know there are things I haven’t known
I know there are pleasures unexplored
Feelings in excess unexpressed
I know there are desires hidden I this chest

And then there’s you
You know the things of this life
You make me precariously careless
U set me on fire, I’m burning with interest

But its not just the knowing of knowing
There’s something about you
Your words make me a mess yet caress  
The way you look at me makes my morals less

I know we’re falling in deeper
I know that there’s no turning back
I’m still convalescent from the present
Our past and future I’ll come to resent

We know that it’s now inevitable
Since that first step we’ve been running
Since that first attraction, first reaction
We’ve been each other’s distraction
distraction

I know what we are, our intentions
I know you don’t want a relationship
I know we are only ephemeral not perpetual
I know that what we have is only ******

But…

I know that I’m plummeting
Into feeling and affection for you
Not matter how much I lie and deny
I know for you I would lay down my life.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I sat
       staring,
           at the wall.
                   Pleading,
                             for how
                                   life was
                                           before.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
I know ending us was mutual
so am I being cruel
when I think of you with her
and it still hurts.
Yet I know I flirt
with other guys
and I've moved on with my life.
But late at night
I think of your eyes,
how they held my universe,
how our sweet memories hurt
and how I just realized
your always on my mind
and I miss having you by my side.
Rose Cliff Aug 2021
My soul belongs to the South Pole
But this vessel belongs to it too
Splitting chasms in my existence
my chest is being torn in two
It hurts
Rose Cliff Sep 2021
I could not breathe.
So I gambled with God
And put slits in my throat.
I no longer needed to breathe.
  
But now I cannot stop moving.
Inflicted with indefinite motion,
I am out of chips.

Then Exhaustion tortured me,  
He hit me when I closed my eyes.
My skin stung when I stumbled.
Hand on my throat,
Voice in my ear
He whispered,
β€œThis is how you die,
My dear”

Making sure I will forever drown,
Begging to have died the first time
β€˜round.
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
i am consumed by the overwhelming urge
to up root and change my world

i am sick of seeing
the same things i always see

i am sick of being
the same contempt me
Rose Cliff May 2021
I suffer from an exhaustion where sleep offers no remedy
Rose Cliff Feb 2019
A bird flies into a window it can’t see
Until it hits the glass it doesn’t realize its not free
That it can’t be who it wants to be
That it can’t sing its melody

Now its broken, its shattered
Now nothing mattered
How can lives so simply just shatter
How can it be, the spider web fracture

Once and twice three times now
The rule of three follows me around
If I scream will it make a sound
Does anyone notice I'm going down

Like a bird needs to fly
Like a widow needs to cry
Is how I need to say good bye,
to cut off all my ties

A bird flies into a window it can’t see
Until it hits the glass it doesn’t realise its not free
That it can’t be who it wants to be
That it can’t sing its melody

Like a bird I am confined
Nothing not even my thoughts are mine
In here there is no such thing as time
I am slowly losing my mind
Rose Cliff Apr 2021
I am a hollowed shell
Feeding off dreams and tomorrowsΒ Β 
Except these dreams are two dimensional
And tomorrow never comes
Rose Cliff Mar 2019
The soft drumming of rain
The soft glow of the lights
Why can I feel pain
Why can’t I get through the nights

The soft whisper of the wind
The lights are now out
Why can’t I ever win
Why can no one hear me shout

The soft hum of distant cars
The darkness comes alive
How do I go so far
That I can longer see any light
Rose Cliff Jan 2023
This house
That I have built,
Slowly crumbles
Slowly wilts.

Take my hand
And we will lilt.
With the song,
The song of guilt.
Rose Cliff Sep 2019
we're all just lost souls
looking for more
looking for
more ways to feel the pain
more way to make it go away
Rose Cliff Jul 2021
I can no longer tell
If I hunger for food
Or if I hunger for more
something
Anything  
that can feed the chasm
Of my soul

My soul starves
Rose Cliff Aug 2019
I spend my nights
Making the kind
of memories
that turn into the stories
trees will breathe
For centuries
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