the last time i felt like this
i was in a strange place
dancing in the dark
with the shadows in my heart

you told me i was trouble
and i believed you
so i became
trouble
but i can't be that anymore
i can't be dark
because i am light
i can't pretend to be fake
because i'm real
i can't pretend to be perfect
i'm not
i'm a shadow
always will be
and if i'm not in the shadow of the world
i will be in God's shadow
we're all shadows

what makes me different?

remember the laughs when life was real
we built each other up to feel
constantly free
neither do i

remember the times our friendship was strong
and nobody could tell us we were wrong
remember the pure heart?
neither do i

I guess reality can really be fake
we dragged on a beautiful mistake
and when reality came knocking we pushed it away

because we were best friends
but thats not an excuse

so when i lost you
what did i really lose?

Because i don't feel alone without you
and so
i built a home without you
and i never felt the need to cry
i found my own way without you
and i hope i don't distract you
i hope you make it really far in this life

and nothing in our friendship was really true
thats why i don't feel alone without you

I wonder what would happen if i bleached my skin
What kind of twisted world i would live in
If one day i decided to do what the world demanded
And strip my melanin

I wonder what would happen if i burnt my hair to a crisp
If barbie doll hair was on my birthday wishlist
If one day i suddenly looked like
Taylor swift

The problem with this fowl dream
Is that it’s forgetting one thing
The thing in which i live and breath
My sanity

If one day i bleached my skin
And society decided to let me in
I would have tarnished God's creation
For equality
unnecessarily demanding humane unity
And Maybe if i bleach my skin
An officer wouldn’t shoot me
But What should be happening is me taking a stand
And saying it’s not him against me
But us against the hatred that makes individuals choose me
Single me out because of my skin
Fearing me because i’m chock full of melanin
Saying #allLivesMatter instead of #blackLivesMatter because if we let one house burn the rest of the town wins
But at the bottom of this is was and always will be hatred
And just because your side of the boat doesn’t have a hole doesn’t mean we’re not all sinking
So i suggest you do something.

if you pay attention
you'd notice if you stare at someone in the eye
you see light around them
why is that?


is it that God is telling you himself
that when he created everything
he created a wall between you
and the world
the wall is
the holy spirit
outside is
the world
inside
he holds you
no matter what

if you pay attention
you'll realize
God is with everyone

i love how americas problems would be solved if kids took over

i love how nobody admires the clouds til daytime and nobody admires the stars til night
as if silently telling the world "if you don't see it, it's ok to forget it until you see it again"

i love how everyone still calls america land of the free
while we have more kinds of slavery now
than in 1770

i love how people ask people crying
"are you alright?"
because humans don't acknowlage when the answer is right in front of them

i love how i started a war that nobody will ever know about

**i don't think these things will ever change

i remember when it used to be
just you her and me
pretending that we all were alright

but now that i see what i see
it's impossible for you and me to be
i almost let you manipulate me
because you tried

i remember when i first heard
the things you said about
the one you said you loved without
consequence

now i'm here and you are there
and maybe if you bothered to bare
the thought of a church without holy water
we could all be in a room without drowning

but still you stand in you're golden chair
never in need of us meeting you there
so now i say goodbye to you
remembering all we used to do
but there's a wall between a mental saint

*and her grandchild

what if i told you that i’m not a stereotype.
that i do what i’m told and try to act right.
and all the words you hear me say
don’t add up to what i’m like.
and what i’m like is an inspiration
trying to as you would say overstep my generation.
and i don’t cry because i’m sad
i cry because you think i’m broken.
like those who came before me made a name for me,
but what your eyes can’t see is that i’m more than what i’m meant to be a stereotype,
walking around like the courageous type.
small as a mouse brave as a lion type
, but no. what you call disrespectful i call the first amendment.
but when i walk into a room they judge by my past
like i’m just a problem they have yet to get rid of
and at last i get the words out that i needed to say.
but why do i feel empty inside without your approval,
without the letters o and k,
because it’s not about you
it’s about what God wants me to be
and if i could scream loud and proud i would scream “i can be me”
wait, you think i’m done i’m just getting started
because the love you think you gave to me
was the love that was parted into three
kindness goodness and, opportunity?
opportunity being the hand you know someone needs
now parents that doesn't mean you can beat it into me.
you say “use your words” but use your hands as a punishment
as if a smack on the **** will bring back their common sense  
and that child you confuse will grow up just like me
a talented kid who everyone says should admit to defeat
but what defeated me?
the words you forgot to speak?
or the fact that judge and jury won’t let me tell my story
and I've picked up some good ones over the years
like that time when i had all the answer but you chose to close your ears
because i’m just that young
so thank you world for showing me what “generational curse” really means
it’s not about your family
it’s about the generation God said you were required to be.
and the heads that turn when they see
you’re just another kid who wants to be
something that they’re not
like extraordinary intelligent or
just plain respectful
because what you call disrespect we call the first amendment
so i thank you past for paving my future
and i thank you parents for believing you are
the kings and queens of YOUR generation
but we were left behind in a cloud of the following
drugs, violence girls getting pregnant
guys who don’t know how to act
and that’s just the start of it
but that’s not us see
the ones you give so much trouble are the ones who are meant to be
something more than what you see on the streets
but wait.
why do you even think that could be me?
so i know you've been waiting for it
so one more question and i want you to think
“why am i judged for the challenges God gave me”
we've all failed one or two
so really there is no difference between me and you

today
poetry is in my bones
tomorrow
it'll be in my eyes
the next day
it'll be in my life
and the next
*it'll be in my hope

i used to cut myself
to heal your wounds

all we had
is nothing
built apon lies
and now that i've left you think it caught me by surprise
but i knew the whole time
thought i could change the melody of our song
but all i changer were the lyrics
we still were being poisened by the piano
at war with the violin
but i'm so tired
i will never sing that song
again

just like a statue
i stand
waiting for your command

just like the wind
i dance
waiting for you to glance over
so i know
i have your permission to go

there is nothing you tell me
that i haven't seen

there is not one wall
that you show me
where i have not yet
leaned

my eyes are so experienced
the world will never be clean

so just like the wind
i dance
just like the sun
i glow
just like the darkness
i scream

**i'm too jaded to know where to go

lifting up
breaking down
crying world
i am your clown
making up who i am now
trusting no one
screaming loud
hurting others
by not hurting self
heart on sleeve
memories on shelf
lifting up
breaking down
look out world i'm on my way to town

the stars feel as dark
as the empty space around them
because they don't light up
quite like the moon

little dove
where's your love
where's the smile you're so proud of?
you know good and well you can't fly
without your daily dose of hugs
little dove
where's your laugh
where's your mouth thats fast
little dove
where's your love
where's the wings your so proud of?

do a little trick in the air
show everybody that you don't care
do a little trick in the air
little dove

see how high in the air you can go
see how low to the ocean you can flow
let your wings touch the experiances
little dove
let it go

don't let them win your eyes
there too beautiful to diguise
fix your eyes on the clouds flying by

to let your wings on the ground
is to say you never flew at all
little dove
little dove
you aren't that small

little dove
where's your love
where's the smile you're so proud of?
you know good and well you can't fly
without the love you're so proud of

i have a problem
with people
when i try to be me
i picture all the things they can do to hurt me
i don't wanna trust you
if i can't make believe the truth

i reach for the stars
but then get shot at by the moon
i wanna take control of my life
soon enough
but i
wanna do my best to trust you

maybe this time
i won't be afraid to fall
maybe i'll close my eyes and not feel so small
maybe i'll fly
and not hide behind it all

maybe i'll listen and still be heared
maybe i'll keep the smallest word
in my heart
because thats where the healing starts

and maybe it'll end
witht he healing of my only friend
maybe i'll be there for you
maybe i'll be strong enough
to believe you'll catch me too
because i'll always catch you

i can cause applause
but that's no the cause
of my succes
it's because you believe
i can be more then high notes and claps
and that's a fact

so maybe this time
trust will be a factor
and in the end we'll still have laughter
<3