Paper boats, gliding across an open lake
We never thought it’d reach the other side
A note at stake that we thought would sink
In prayer that so will the thoughts we hid inside
The scent of lemons as we sat by each other
Crossing our arms over ourselves, protecting ourselves like our mothers
Should have, should have held us when they had the chance
But we are far away now
Our tears become kites that we fly up in the breeze
To have some sort of embrace, though rather cold
We know that where we go is up where we seem to be
But even our senses are wrong, our emotions not so keen
The smell of sweet salt dances in the air,
As if teasing our eyes once again
To be met with the cheeks until going down our cheeks
Into our hands in a closet
The sweet tang of lemon as a message is written
Burned, the repeated
Through this cycle that we once called life, a game we don’t care to lose
So once again we watch as the paper starts to glide
But instead of the paper boat so carefully folded
A plan with wings made of a feather sets free among the wind
Over the river, over the mountains, over that lake to what we’ve sent
Where it shall go, we’ll never know
And we hope for the words to drown again
To dissolve before reaching the dear God’s hand
Written of travels over his beautiful, broken land
We hope that it remains unread,
But he read our lips before the thoughts were even said

I watch him leave, yelling his fathers name
Rushed steps that only mean another day gone
I wanted this… I must know that it is true—
But each day that he’s here I wonder what went wrong
I wanted a better place but perhaps it’s too soon
But her voice, I’ve seen, has become soft
The faint whispers of loud screams became something I forgot
Perhaps I am too naive- too gullible
Perhaps I have fallen into the trap of words
Perhaps it’s getting better, but I remember the ghost of what was
And what is to be
Is this a right thing to believe? To dream?
Perhaps I imagined it all

If I could
I would go back
To take my weight off your shoulders

TW:b100d, g0re
Nights spent carefully watching as his smile turned to ice
Nights waiting for the call that I knew would not come
A butterfly that grew bright, was fated to fall and die
Leaving behind a world full of flowers and love
From their perspective at least
Nights that echoed from my thoughts racing from his words
Nights that screamed in my ear, the night sky wrinkling in my palms
Nights that I stayed unaware, foggy memories of terror and hurt
Staying at the window, watching for lights, fighting to stay calm
What have I done when his smile had grown too small?
What have I done, when he had filled up his skin and his walls
With drawings I couldn’t stop?
Bl00d is Ill-fated when staining the hands of a civilian
Easily turning a human into a monster that twists behind the mirror
A world full of people but still I thought you were one in a million
Biting back, I thought in a way that didn’t make it any clearer
But yet
The bl00d drips
My fingers become frozen ice that doesn’t feel, a world that seems so unsafe
I don't wait for your breath that has become empty
I had thought it was you all along, but the story is told in many faces
The ink that ran from our eyes were different colors, and I saw mine as black
But I know now it is red like the bl00d in your veins
Spilling out onto the carpet, spilling out of your head
It’s hard not to feel insane
And that smile, I realized, was just carved into your cheeks
The other side of the water, was not just my reflection
It was a strange thing to be seen…

Lights flash on and off along with the faint call of car alarms
A whisper of the breeze of this already freezing day
The air filled with murmurs of thoughts, thick with concentration
That would just fade back into the blurs around me as the lights change from red to green
Automobiles screaming at each other through the stops
Where did everyone have to go that was so important?
How did they see through this blurry mess that rests in my eyes?
Standing in the middle of the crosswalk, frozen
The stink of metal, and the smell of pastries
And for a moment, everything was silent—still
And the world was beautiful as it became clear
The scream of tires, and flashing lights, and——
Shoulders bumped into mine, urging as the students released from the day
And from their cloudy skies rained down into stomping feet that moved with mine
Into the screaming lights of the cars, back into a place where people rushed
To rise and to go back into the motions that I have memorized
As if eyes closed, because they might as well be blind
I can’t see a thing

I've left pieces of mysef in every place I've ever been
Under playgrounds, in closets, against the counter:
Everyplace I've tried to forget
Maybe that's why I'm ready to start a new life
Carve a new smile, a new pace over the one that was never mine
In some sort of reality, it's the god collecting those parts of me
Watching me trying to become someone I want to be--- Could never be
Suffocating loud; Where do I go now?
Where do I go back to collect those pieces to look away again
In my scrapbook
Each and every one with a note, but I can't remember where to look

Some days, I carry my heart in my hands instead of my chest
Sore from being squeezed behind a cage for so long
Finally free, it cries crimson tears; hating me although it knows I'm doing it for the best
"My child," I say, "I'd rather you be locked away than you to break and be lost."

Some days, I would rather live in silence than survive through quick fixes
Some words aren't meant to come, and I'm told it won't last
People come and go, and I want someone to care, but each time I end up with stitches
So in the end, my own thoughts are what I have

Some days, I collect my tears, sweat, and blood
To convince myself that there is something more in society
Spend my days looking at the storm clouds. The only tears I give up
Unnoticed, in the midst of the loud, I leave quietly