It's unwarranted; I know everything is fine.
                                   stop checking and they'll stab you from behind
It's my personality; I'm inclined to mistrust.
                                           just when you feel safe it'll crumble to dust
Just because it's happened before...
                                          only fools don't listen when they're warned
I'm happy now, I'm just looking for a penance.
                                         with good comes bad; there must be balance


I'll talk to the therapist, he'll know what's wrong
                                      aren't you afraid he's just leading you along?
He's there to help when I'm feeling stranded at sea!
                               of course, and foremost, he's there for the money
I've never thought any of this, I'm not the kind
                                     yes you have, it's all at the back of your mind
I just want to know why I'm thinking these things again.
                             just like the last time, it's the beginning of the end

I'm talking to myself, I've lost my ******* mind.
                                               we already had this discussion last time
I'm actually sitting here poisoning my own brain.
                                            Or, maybe, you're saving your life. again.
I'm listening to paranoia like I haven't already dealt with it.
                           boxing it, me, up doesn't count as dealing with ****
........I'm scared.
                                                and that, exactly, is why we're still here

I'm safe here, I'm just fooling myself, right?
                    absolutely, but i'd check every door three times a night
If no one can get in, I'm totally safe.
                              well, there's the people already inside this place...
My mom would never lay a hand on me.
                   of course not; nor would your brother, so option three...
This is ridiculous. The stupidest thing I've thought yet.
                         that's what everyone says right up till the first threat

I'm not going to deal with this.
                                                          tha­t's fine; you'll be sorely missed
I'm grasping at straws and it's pitiful
                                                         ­  or perhaps, **** near insightful
I'm going to sleep, I'm stronger than this nonsense
                                   but you sleep so deeply, where's your defense?
I hate this. I hate this. Why am I thinking this ****?
                       *it's because you're right, you are, you ******* know it

I want to see rainbows and butterflies
Every time I close my eyes
And reserve the right to be mesmerised,
By the pure delight that awaits me every night;
Waking up in the morning
Ready to put the world to rights.
No more fights or frights.
I want to feel alive.

I want to be happy again.

I want to laugh uncontrollably,
So much that my belly hurts, my face aches
And my body bursts;
Into a thousand little funny bones,
Watch, as the fragile and delicate things,
Carefully piece themselves together and
Turn into big beautiful wings,
Making it easier to see where my sadness ends and happiness begins.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the one that my friends can depend upon,
Not the one who upon a friend needs to depend,
Incase I break;
Break down into a million little pieces,
Glass rainbow dreams shattered and crumble
As I fall to my knees,
Desperate to breath.
Please; I need to believe.

I want to be happy again.

I want to be the surprise
That hits you right between the eyes
As I walk into a room, because you confuse
My smile with the sunrise,
Spreading its rays like the scent of perfume
And all of a sudden there's no more
Doom or gloom left to consume.
Eyes only on you, I'm reminded right now I have nothing to prove.

I want to be happy again.

I want my heart to beat so fast,
That it beats out my chest
And dances around like only it knows best.
The best way to compensate
For the heart ache that won't go away.
I want my heart to dance my troubles away,
As I watch it with a smile on my face,
Knowing eventually everything will turn out ok.

I want to be happy again.

I want to dance in the pouring rain,
No longer feeling the pain
That each little splash brings to my face;
Clouds the shape of tear ducts,
Pin ****** falling, piercing my skin
As the poisoning begins,
Tainting my thoughts with memories and eventualities.
Too many realities are taking toll on my sanity.

I want to be happy again...

I want you to build me a staircase
Out of rubber bands, hold out your hands,
And carefully lead the way to the forgotten lands;
Where you'll remind me no matter how often rainbows fall from the sky,
You will always be there - my sunrise,
Wiping away rain drops as they escape from the clouds in my eyes,
Helping me to replace each and every rainbow that falls from my sight.

I want to be happy again.

I need to be happy again.



I will be happy again.



© Karen L Hamilton, 2013

You've got me crying tonight
I've never heard the things you say to me.
I've never had the opportunity to enjoy
Sweet words without pondering
Contemplating
Wondering if I'm being mocked.

I can't breathe through the lump in my throat
I can't think past the disbelief
That you're with me. Like me. See me
As something special.
It boggles my mind and guides me
Straight to tears.

I'm smiling and I'm crying
I'm happy.
I don't have the right words
For this feeling
But thank you for it.
You have,
You will,
And you do amaze me.

Constantly.

I broke a poets heart.
Now I’ll be immortal in their pain.
I’ll be the ink drops on their paper.
Their demons never slain.

I’ll be your seven wonders,
Your Atlantis and your Heaven.
I’ll be simple, I’ll be complicated,
I’ll be whatever label I’m given.

When you said you loved me,
You knew we weren’t meant to be.
You took my heart and claimed it,
But never did you see.

My heart is with another.
My mind, never on you.
It’s simple, black and white.
To my heart I must be true.