I used to mock couples for their PDA
I used to sneer as they indulged in affectionate displays.
Being self-sufficient was all I used to enjoy
And then, one day, along came this boy...

Just like that, I was completely enthralled
Made a hypocrite by my own free-fall.
Suddenly the world was primary and pastel
Like every year I'd lived was drab gray scale.

I was never the one to compliment a beautiful day
Yet somehow the days are gorgeous now, sunshine or rain.
I'm not the kind who bothers with smiles for smiling's sake
But when I'm talking to him I'm smiling till my cheeks ache.

I used to glare at all that PDA
That one couple I just had to shoo away.
They all still get the same treatment
Though now it's because **** long distance.

I'm jittery as though my blood is made of caffeine
I'm grinning like I just swallowed a ******* sun beam
I'm excited as though I just won the lottery
Because this lovely boy has made a ******* fairy-tale of me.

"Oh love, you are missing today.
And suddenly everyone knows your name."

The crescent moon has my heart in hand,
I'll pray come morning light.
I see your smiles, your laughs, your cries
Immortalized in the dark of night.

You're in every corner I pass,
I see you in every aspect of life.
You're in every being that lives,
You're not here, but you're alright.

I'd beg you home again, like always,
But more than a year has passed since I've seen you.
I'd beg you stay, once more, forever
But I knew from the beginning that you were through.

Wayfarer, wayfarer, where will you travel come morning?
Your loved ones can't recall your face.
Dear vagabond in time, have you forgotten home?
Has your journey become a race?

I'm wishing you well from this living hell
That life is without you.
I'm moving on and finding *home
And praying you are too.

I'm not religious, you know this,
But I've got faith where you're concerned.
If there's a God and a heaven and paradise,
It's yours, it's what you've earned.

I'm not religious, you know this
But you sang Hallelujah and I understood.
And if there's a chance you could have peace
I'll pray until you have sainthood.

I wonder why the moon you adored,
Was the moon that was almost gone.
Just a sliver left, soon to disappear,
Just a memory hanging on.

I wonder, if I could've changed things
I wonder, if I had acted differently...
I wonder if there where signs I should've seen
I wonder aimless and futilely.

I feel guilty every time I so much as think it:
"Perhaps a year is enough time for me to move on."
I promised that Autumn would never leave my lips,
That your memory would never truly be gone.

And here I sit, a year later, with a smile
And here I sit, no longer in excruciating pain.
I feel as though I've a penance to pay you;
Scarred, hurt, and guilty, like the tale of Cain.

I want to be angry with you, I truly do
I want to scream and cry and moan
But I don't blame you at all, my friend, my fortress
I understand this was never your home.

This is the beginning, this is how I grow
This is how I'll move on without forgetting the past.
This is how I hand Autumn to every person I meet
This is how I make you last.


Cole.
I love you; for now, back then, and always.