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  Sep 2014 Q
Austin Heath
I was fired from [sandwich shop X] for
"insubordination" and "attitude".
******* cowards, the whole lot.
What hurts the most is that I tried,
because someone vouched for me,
but they still stepped all over me
and then threw me away.
**** jobs.

Checked my horoscope for *****;

"If it's true that you reap what you sow, Libra, you're in for a great harvest in the coming months. Your hard work and focus will start to pay off handsomely with promotions and raises just when you may have given up on being acknowledged for all you do. Hang on to your great energy, passion, and enthusiasm. Doors are about to open for you. Get ready to walk through them."


Found a stone in the graveyard with my name
and told it how much I wanted to **** myself
and how much I hate everything.
From here, hell looks reasonable;
like at least there'd be a reason for everyone
to be so ******* useless and miserable,
but heaven?
Heaven looks like a ******* insult.

But what the **** do you know?
I got no job, no home, a mother in a women's shelter,
failed applications for food stamps, college debt,
no old friends, what?
What the **** have I got?
Why the **** does everyone treat suicide
like it's so ******* morally reprehensible?
I never win.
NEVER.
Even my victories are
offshoot chances to lose more
than I had before.

I'm tired, and I hate all of you.
Q Sep 2014
I would put my hand into your chest
And rip your heart out, watch it beat
Because there must be something about it
That makes you so impossibly unique.

I wish I could keep you up until early morning
I wish I could talk until you forgot about sleep
Because that's when the deepest, darkest conversation
Is finally, finally let free.

I want to amaze you until you can't think
Of a single snarky phrase
And keep on amazing you
For years, and centuries, and days.

I want to let you break me
In all the ways I want to shatter you
And when we're both blood and dust
We'll grab the duct tape and glue.

I want to know you like no one has
Until I know every word you'll ever say
Until your mind and my mind
Become our mind in the best of ways.

I want to spend years memorizing
The way you say my name
Because, as much as I hate it,
The way you say it isn't the same.

I want to memorize your genome
I want to know all of what made you exist
Because when I can't sleep
I'll recite the entire list.

I want to sit with you in silence
Without a hint of uncomfortableness
Because there are words in every breath
That passes through your nose or lips.

I want to describe you in detail
Until a stranger could find you in a crowd
Because I'll never experience a pride
Quite like knowing you brings about.

I want to see your smile
And hear your laughter until I die
Because, come good or bad with us,
You'll still be what gets me by.

I want to frown at you
And cry and scream and shout
Because I'll never quit this fake smile
Until you shut it down.

I want to argue with you
Over the opinions you don't accept
Because I didn't know all your thoughts before
And I don't know them all yet.

I want to show someone
That this is what I feel
Because, when it's too dark to see outside,
I can't help but believe it isn't real.
At this point, I should probably just make a collection of the poems I've written about him, because this couldn't possibly get more pathetic.
Q Sep 2014
As in, "*******."
As in the statement made
When I've offended you?

Or perhaps, "**** me."
Because, doll, you just had to ask.
Nicely.

Wait, maybe, "**** this!"
That's a bit extreme for the situation
Breathe out, breathe in.

Or, "****!"
Because that sounds perfect
For any situation.
  Sep 2014 Q
Grace
You think you're special then you realize
he talks to one
two
four
or eleven
other girls
the same way
Q Sep 2014
She's been running longer than I
On this dark, dilapidated road
And you, longer than her
Covered in deep, deep potholes.

And if the night should take you
While you jog just ahead of she,
She will write your eulogy
And continue ahead of me.

But I will not shed a tear
Though, on this road, I will stop
And fling myself into the nearest pothole
And smile until I collide with the rocks.

And when my marathon has ended
She will show me the same respect she did you
But her feet will not cease moving
She will see her marathon through.

And if the night should take you
It's fitting only she will survive
Because you begat me and her
Yet life has yet to dim her heart and eyes.

Oh, if the night should take you
Understand, I would not care
As the bitter, bitter memories
Are simply buried just under here.

And though I would not survive without you
It's more a means of self-defense:
I'd rather slit my own throat
Than return to live with him.

If the night should take you
Mother dearest, mother hated of mine
Just as you promised me
When I spoke of suicide:

I will go with you
You will not be rid of me long
Come heaven or hell or nothingness
I will come quickly along.
So life is happening again. And, as per usual, I'm reevaluating why I decided it was worth it the last time.
  Sep 2014 Q
rook
I can promise him
and I can promise her
and I can promise myself
                                           but
i will never forget the warmth of summer sidewalks
and how it feels to lie.

i will never forget the beat of roshambo,
thundering in my ears
rock paper scissors

i will have instead forgotten the truest fact -
                 you came back first.

and isn't that enough?
things i shouldn't be thinking: that because you came back first, you cared; because you came back first, i should come back, too. it's only fair
  Sep 2014 Q
Austin Heath
I have nothing to say anymore,
and it makes me into an object
but it feels incredible
so I'm taking a break
and I don't miss you.
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