i talked to my mother about you
about how you broke my heart
and how i might have done worse on you
i told her lately you and me feel like a lost cause
and that even if i try you don't want to be found anymore
there nothing harder than loving someone who doesn't wanna be loved
mother said maybe its time to admit that
i have been holding onto something that doesn't wanna stay
that i only grew my nails
to have something to blame for the way my skin bleeds

she came like a butterfly and blossomed my barren land
soothed my strife and sanctified me whole again

put the gun in your hands
trusted you to never put your
finger on the trigger
swallowed the love you
fed me, swallowed the lead
when you left me

fell to my knees,
prayed to a god I
don't believe in.
made a church
out of mouths
that have never
tasted the truth.
found faith in
gutter, found
savior in the
******. confessed
my sins in a gas
station bathroom.
the bible was written
on a napkin and
all it says is how
nothing matters
in the end
anyway.

You look at me 
And say 
I am chaos
when you look.at me 
I am chaos....
Ask yourself why
when you look at me
I explode into chaos?
I  kiss you  
tremble, feel you,
Touch you and
Fade away
Into tiny tiny pieces 
Of myself

I want to run
To run away from you
I want to run far far away
to the land of  dreams
Where I won't find you
Not even in my sins
how much you hurt me?
I have serious scars
My past is painful!
please don't think  
I care for you...
I still haven't decide!
Someone just told me
'What would you do if
I had a magic wand?'
I will just vanish you
I will still love you
But I will just vanish you

let me wither
Let me die in a corner
Let me wither
I don't  want any water
Let me wither
Take the light take the sun
Let me wither
Without an explanation
Let me wither and die