I lost my baby daughter
She was two months old
And for many years
My heart stayed very cold
Then I finally realized
All good people He lets in
But He only makes angels
Of those who live and die without sin

the beasts that claw and creep within
are often wearing human skin.

this is how i die
i guess
my legs are stiff and my back pops whenever
i try to get up
my face is dry and
itchy
i can't remember the last time i ate
and tasted the
food
it's a sneaky descent
that's just how it goes
i thought that these bruised knees and
swollen knuckles would
keep me afloat
i was wrong

this is how i die
i know
rotting alive

I've started hating all
of the music that
I love
and maybe it’s because
I hear you in every
song

Dark hair.
Dark hair was what
I was always after.
That was until you swept
into the room with
blonde curls
falling down your
forehead.
And I can spot that
red Mustang from miles
and miles away.
I started to paint
my nails red.
My lips red.
Even though I was never
that fond of the color red.
You painted my life
a different color
when you entered it
and im afraid that i will
never be able to get rid of it.

I always find myself looking back at my life and being thankful that I'm not sixteen anymore.
I think about all of the drugs I was high on.
I think about all of the men that I let touch my body because I was so desperate to be loved.
I think about how mean and angry I was.
I was so desperate to fit society's idea of perfect.
There was no one on this earth that hated me more than myself.

I always find myself looking back on my life and wishing I was 16 again.
I think about all of the adventures I went on.
I think about all of the people that I let touch my heart because I was so desperate to love.
I was so happy and carefree.
I didn't care that I wasn't society's idea of perfect.
No one loved me more than I loved myself.

I think about all of the thing I would change if I was sixteen again.
I think about all of the things I wouldn't change if I was sixteen again.

I think about all of the things I know now,
And I wonder why I'm still struggling to change myself.

I am in love with you,
Love.
I want so badly to need somebody,
To be the somebody that they need.
To commit my whole heart to them,
and for them to commit their whole heart to me.
Too often do I love the idea of a person,
Rather than seeing them for who they really are.
Love intoxicates and skews my vision.
And it tears my heart apart.


Oh, I am indeed in love.
Not with him and not with her,
But with an idea.
The idea of loving someone who is deserving of my heart.
The idea of loving so fiercely that our spark will never dwindle
I am in love with you,
Love.