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Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
like it wasn't even there at all

an anvil in the sky

proclaimed, one day,

that the city in the frough, fried

would become a sight to the eyes.

So it matched it's creator's ties,
mix matched the hearts and souls of many,
and watched the silly little poor people dance,
too far away to see the look in their eyes.

One day, however rich the city became

the farmers marched forth, from fields and hay

to arrive, from outside, to the center,

where they kept the dreams of their children,

to crash them to the floor. Smiling as the glass shattered.

Smiling as the crowds stopped, to stare at the torch thrown

to poverty, and the torch ignited to the city.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
When rain falls to earth,
and you hear the patter,
do you think of the crowd inside the ground?
Or the worms that die after?

When thunder strikes the sky,
like a hammer to a skull,
does depression whisper,
or does it scream above all?

Can you feel it?
The rain says to me,
under broken words,
as the sad wringing returns.

Yes, I can feel it,
but you wouldn't know the
half of it. No, you wouldn't
get it at all.

The rain does not understand the
feeling it brings down to earth,
like pikes to egyptians, or a puddle
in the desert.

The rain does not know of
the world that it soaks.

It does not feel for the people
who lie underneath the gloating,
roaring sky, nor does it fear the
trees that fall because of it.

The rain is stoic, and emotionless, and
destructive. But still we personify it,
we rectify it.

We ***** a monument to every bitter flash of
lightning; every whimmering rabbit trapped
in their holes, flooded out to the street
in wonder. But not wonder of.

Rather, wonder when the sky became dark, and thoughtless,
and when every morsel of sun became hidden.
It's strange we can't personify the deadest things,
like the worms that crawl from the earth to later die of thirst on the pavement.

It's strange that we personify the rain as a creature of ferocity, when the rain simply does not know when it falls.

I'm just terrified, that one day, the rain will fall on itself,
and she will see what she has done,
who she has become,
and the world that is spinning around,
on an axis that runs parallel with the ground.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
what
if
all
I
need
is
a
thought
to
get
the
ball
rolling?
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
the worst part is-
nobody, anywhere, can help you.

They all see you, and they decide-
you're uninteresting, or boring.

Then comes the mania-
where you convince yourself, for days, weeks, years,
that you're okay, and they're the reason
for the heartbreak, the distrust, the jaded
worldview.

But it was you.
And you can stare into the waterfall,
or into the photograph,
or into the mirror,
and see that it was you.

The sanity, in the whirlwind of self absorbed thoughts,
is what reminds you of those days.
It brings you back,
dragging you all the way.

Till your brain screams-
ugly, useless, worthless.

The only good thing about me was my collarbone.
And I was so ****** up, to ever be distraught, at
the fact that my parents hated me, and would
never allow me; hurt me, if I was close to you.

Do you see the irony like I see it?
Where you tell me I'm not ugly,
then show me that I truly am.

Actions speak louder than words,
sounds like something you said once.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
I am a hymn, in a hidden drawer.
I'm just waiting to be found,
like my grandfather,
and his father
and the father
before
him.

But what if-    I am the broken shower rod,
the abandoned one?
the less-than important one?
I ask because I'm terrified
of losing more than just
myself .

Self commentary aside, are we not all
two halves of the same loaf of bread?
Destined to grow mold, or become hard and
bitter? Can we not see our own mortality until we
are truly and utterly faced with it?
I know it's just a maze.

And like my Father's son, I am a mouse looking
for cheese in the farthest corners, the deepest
pieces of my own existence.
But like cheese,
and like mice,
one day I will grow old, and wither away.

So brush the dust and burn the fur,
watch my skeleton grey.
Don't mind the mess
from the "accident."
I was never meant to stay.
No, I was never meant to stay at all.
Patrick Harrison Apr 2020
why
do you
look at me
with such perfection?

Am I ugly? Would someone please tell me.
Am I ugly? Or am I an *******? Or a monster? An Animal?
I'm so sorry, I don't think you should love me, I don't think--- that-

I don't think you should
hold me, closely, or you'll see
the bags beneath my eyes; that's right,
I was up all night worrying about you.

Does it make you
feel good?
to know
I am
numb.

I know
              deep down
                               like the bottom of the ocean
                                                                            or a staircase,

I am numb.






and it hurts so bad.





and I'm so sorry.






But I must be leaving-





nevermind what I had to say.
Anxiety just chokes me whenever I'm around people I find attractive, and it's so horrible to know that I'll probably never be able to express myself. There isn't a deeper meaning to that feeling, but it feels like there should be. That's how it traps you into never living your life,  or finding people you care about, because it's all in your head; just implanted there by previous relationships that have gone sour.
Patrick Harrison Mar 2020
Imagine,
                   writing simply, or rather simply for yourself.
It's a bold move to pretend to be someone else.
                     and I hope that the first draft is as bad, as it could get.
But the demon in my veins tells me that it's just begun so.

I don't care if you take your time, just listen to me, just remember me.
I don't care if it hurts a little while, just listen to me, just listen please.

Because I can't hear you when you talk to me,
I have so much I need to tell you please-
listen to me. I can't wait to be heard, I need to be heard.

Something in my head hurts-   it needs to know where to start-
to take over your heart, with every boring line about the stars.
They show me what these writers really are:

Just fools afraid of death, afraid of love that leaves and life that bleeds to an end. And I hope so badly that they find happiness, or a book to read that they think is magnificent, that they can treat as a friend because--- well-

I know that feeling better than anyone I know-
when your friends say they'll reply to you, then ignore you, but they're ALWAYS on their phone. It hurts pretty bad to know that something you tricked yourself into believing was false.

It hurts even worse to know that just as they left you, they will leave others too, until they are alone.

So I hope that they find love- or something close because I can't bear thinking about their notes-   where they beg someone to stay, it really isn't hard to see that they made themselves that way.

But I hope that--

I don't know.

But you think about it all the time.

Beneath the mental nothing social media masks over our young minds, to **** us out of our individuality to buy products we neither need or use, or anyone would use.

It makes it no more surprising why I self-abuse.

Because I CAN'T STAND THE CROWD THAT BLOCKS MY VIEW OF THE OCEAN AND ALL IT'S WAVES. THEY ACT AS IF THEY WERE MEANT TO BE THERE, LIKE THEY WERE BORN TO STAND IN FRONT OF OTHERS AND MAKE THEIR LIVES SOMETHING LESS, OR INFERIOR.

But you would never hear me if you tried,
I thought I took over your heart,
no, it was just your spare time.

so I hope that-

I know that you are doing well.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there.

And all is well,

I just need to let it go,
and find a way to look over their heads to whatever is on the other side.
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