you put my mind through hell
you're killing me, man
but all you care about is who's having *** with you tonight
I constantly thing about you
but you only think about getting laid
your love is actually a drug to me
its toxic and im dying
but you're too busy
worrying about who's gonna be
******* you tonight
to see how much you're really hurting me.

We talk again
5 months later and sadly,
nothing has changed.
You are so oblivious
how crazy in love i am with you,
you share with me the girl you wanna bang.
Do you have too much respect for me,
or do you think I'm ugly?

I'm missing you
and I bet you're feeling nothing.
I crave your cigarette tasting lips
and I want them for myself.
I am so jealous of all the girls
that you share your beautiful body with.
I am so sad on this August night
because you still aren't mine.

i believed
in breathing
until i realized
every breath
i take
brings me
closer
to death

The tears comfort me
Offering me sweet release from the numbness.
I feel whole.
Sadness and happiness blend into one
As the water runs over my face.

I'm thinking too much again
Every night it's the same.
Regrets, anxiety, fear, guilt
Never go away.
Each one a different voice in my head
Telling me they hate me.

But tonight there are tears.
And as they leave my body
So does some of the pain
And I feel whole again.

and i was
helping him
breathe
while you
were attempting
to drown
him

You always said you wanted
To be an aerospace engineer.
Someone who dedicates their whole life
To something so far away
Something they can never fully have.

I know how painful a life like that can be.
Because I'm already living it with you.

when my time comes
it comes
and I will gladly leave
to those who go on living
the task of sorting out
the mess I have accumulated
over years

let them discover
not only the stamp collection
the bank accounts
but also unknown niches
of their father’s/friend’s/husband’s life
the words unspoken
scribbled on some paper
thoughts never shared
for lack of time or opportunity
the letters to a friend of yore
emails to many people
hints of potential
love affairs that maybe never happened
ideas to change the world
into a better place

here I am
  now with a 7 before my years
envisioning life after death

a sign of vanity
perhaps
or an expression of despair

I am not sure

it may just be
the fleeting thoughts
on a clear winter evening
when cold creeps slowly
but insistently
into your bones

reminding you

   of all that cold space
   in our universe
   how it grows larger by the second

making you wonder
if it has a plan
and if that plan
includes you
speculating
about your destiny

        * *

I still think about you
as you lay in peace
6 ft under the ground
tomorrow is your birthday
you're going to be 56

and that's breaking me
I wanted you to see
me grow in every way
im sorry that you
were in so much pain

just promise me
on April 9th and 10th
you will be there with me
when im performing
my heart out
in remembrance of you