Mammy, you’re a warrior,
You have shown such courage,
As I wrapped my arms around you, I hold back tears.
I haven’t been able to think or do too much,
I’ve been going back to when we could have helped you,

Those little death sticks must be laughing at us, they have the greatest hold, almost like a secret to never be told.

You look like yourself but I know you’re trying to break though, don’t worry mammy I do see you.

It made us feel so happy,
Knowing that you were there,
Whenever we needed someone to talk to
We knew you would always care.

When we would visit to see how you were,
You would look up and smile,
It would bring a tear to our eye,
When we would talk to you for a while.

When we found out that you weren’t feeling well,
We didn’t know what to say,
By then, we couldn’t tell.

Now, your journey has come to an end,
Our hearts go out to you,
We will never forget you,
We will always love you.

Brain fuzzed like a cloud of smoke,
Every bad thought just vanished,
I am not going to lie, it feels amazing.
Cocooned in a loving embrace,
It makes me feel safe.

Once the cocoon falls off, my mind is racing.
Every thought comes back like one massive hurricane, hurling every emotion like debris,
Out through anger and frustration.

Once it stops, I stand and look,
Broken promises and conversation like shattered glass spilled onto the floor making it hard to walk.

Everyone is shocked at my actions, my parents heartbroken and hurt. My siblings, they pretend not to notice but I see the sadness as they refuse to talk.

I still don’t care, I love feeling numb,
I love not feeling myself and feeling ****** up,
So I then again turn to my old friend,
Then the cycle begins once again.