I believe in myself
I know I am real
Because I think
Because I feel

I might not be
How I appear
But I know
That I am here

The world may be
A grand delusion
Altered wavelengths
Of confusion
Illusional
Balance wheel

But I KNOW that I am real

it was dark
the closet
small, too
i put the sandbag down
he did too
i tried to leave
when he grabbed me
wrapped his arms around me hard
pinning my arms to my sides
and i was frozen
all i could say was
“Boy, what are you doing”
(stupid, i know
but thoughts were frozen in my head)
and he
kept squeezing
like we were old friends
when i considered him a stranger
i was frozen
petrified
a thousand other synonyms all applied
is he going to hurt me?
he lifted me up slightly
and i said again
“what are you doing?”
that’s when
he slapped his hand on my mouth
said “you’re under arrest”
but then someone came in the room
and he let go of me and left

i went through
every poem
about her
and made them
disappear

maybe now
it'll be easier
to feel better
to feel free

i have no more poems
about the good times
for the bad times
outweighed them

i feel freer
although i am sad
my most popular poem
is gone

it is for the best
i am freer

i’m trying to be better
a better leader
a better friend
a better student
a better person
and it’s hard
every step feels like dragging my feet through syrup
but i can feel improvement

i am starting to love myself
to love the way my mind
finds comfort in learning
to love the way
i’m good at things

i feel more free now
no longer someone’s crutch
but now i feel a solid future under my feet
instead of constantly being pushed down

i’m not quite happy yet
not as happy as i was
ignorant happiness is hard to beat
some days i crave intimacy
but i am not a dependent person
and i will wait until i’m better before pursuing someone else
it’s the right choice