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 Jul 2018 Nis
A Simillacrum
I have a heart
to tell to you
I brace my mind
and begin
I open up to
your mercy
I hold a gaze
into your eyes

All that you have to say is,
"But. . ."
Or, respond with,
"I. . ."

Are you at all
interested
in a life but
yours?

I've met many modern
women and men
Sure as death it
seems you would
rather not share so
much as eagerly compete

Your words and terms
usher in necrosis
I am empathetic
to your plight, but
I have to give it back
and confidently ask,

"Is
this
friend

ship?"

"Is
this
friend

ship
to
me?"

I wish to give of all my self
to those that listen well
as I've been listening in for all my life
and I know your deepest prosperity
is yours to find and not mine,

so

I
will
leave
it up
to you
instead.

Blessing
and
boon

Blessing
and
boon
To the friends I've never met.
It's important to me that I tell you, I've found that expectation
is not the same as setting standards and you're allowed
to distance yourself for health when you can't get through
to a person who wants to be around you.

There is a gentle way to let them down.
Don't make it all about their actions.
Be brave enough to explain how you feel.
If you see their eyes alight and soft.
You will know the love is good and real.

If not. . .

<3<3<3
 Jun 2018 Nis
Ellie Grace
My reflection haunted me
following me wherever I went
each mirror, window, glass pane
depicted a stranger’s body
a body that I wanted to disown
I burnt my house to the ground
abusing my fragile mind and body
distorted images of myself constantly flashed by my eyes
a vision that only I seemed to be able to see
a disillusioned truth I was unable to escape

Picking myself apart
slowly plucking away at each string
Unravelling
searching for something
anything good
yet always coming up empty handed

I desperately craved a sense of satisfaction
I never managed to taste
no matter how much I manipulated my body
making it painfully disappear
it was never enough

Truly believing that my flaws
my insecurities
were the only thing that I possessed  
my refection only ever revealed the things I lacked
the ugliness of it bringing me to tears

My tormented mind drove me to extremes
completely losing myself and any sense of sanity
illogical thoughts became logical
controlling my actions
dictating my life

Somewhere along the way
my quest for perfection
Became a quest for self-destruction

For death
 Jun 2018 Nis
Geanna
Stop pretending
 Jun 2018 Nis
Geanna
I told her that I was tired of faking it
Faking a smile and a laugh
Tired of trying to be 'Okay'
when i'm not

She told me "Then stop pretending"
It took me awhile before I did that

Now I don't pretend as much
At times I fake a smile and a laugh
Just so they won't feel awkward

People are asking me if i'm
okay
..
Even her

Why tell me to do something
if you're going to
Question it?

Here I am,
lying to her constantly
~ G.P.O
 Jun 2018 Nis
Ellie Grace
I am sorry
 Jun 2018 Nis
Ellie Grace
I am sorry i made you watch
whilst i slowly disappeared
abusing the body
you spent 9 months carefully constructing
starving it of nutrients
becoming nothing but
hollowed out bones and translucent skin

I am sorry that i made you watch
whilst i slowly killed myself

— The End —