you're online

I found a paperclip in my bathroom
strange place I'll never know

it's disheartening
sadly I won't message you anymore

I won't speak to you anytime soon

if this is a mistake
then I'll regret it later
for now I will try

can't say goodbye
confrontation is my weakness

another night I wash my feet in acid
stop myself from walking back to you

burdened
by social customs.
this day has been dreaded ever
since I can remember.
every gift I got.
every card I wrote.
was to appease you.
and i'm still a prisoner.

I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

The only thing I’m good at is being drunk.