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406 · Aug 2022
Weekdays Fade
Chatting with Friday in The Blue Note,
She mentioned leaving for Scotland.
A friend commented on your body
language, I could not shake that.

Thought I saw Monday walking The Promenade,
I turned my head only to see you also looking
back. We waved, and it struck me

how we were kids once
and how much time has passed.
Passin’ Me By,
The Pharcyde (1993)
406 · Oct 2014
Definitively
Immanence is spirituality derived from reality,
Transcendence is when the spirit moves beyond this reality.
Emancipation is in the life of love, and in the struggle to remain young.

To understand is to become; "We are what we pretend to be,
So we must be careful about what we pretend to be.'

Choose your fate wisely.
Quotes:
-Line Three from Young Archimedes and Other Stories - Adolus Huxley.
-Lines Four-and-a-half to Five: Mother Night - Kurt Vonnegut.
405 · Dec 2018
Reality Draws A Breathe
I had such a dream, it ****** me up.
My first girlfriend, the vitamins; I came
to so confused. I quit my job the next day.
I've hated myself, but no longer. "The world
was on fire". I wonder what's left

since love was quenched.
In the spirit of Four Tet, I believe
There Is Love In You yet.
Quote:
Lines Four to Five from Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
405 · Dec 2017
Some People Believe In Fate
Our lives are the purest form of poetry,
Each moment is potent,
We are the cosmos in motion.

Some people believe in fate,
I say believe in flourishing; ask yourself:
What doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things?
Say nothing of chance, nor necessity.
404 · Feb 2013
<3
<3
Heaven is dark
and the dark is warm.
403 · Aug 2017
Avernus
Like glass bottles kiss the pavement,

The Kωκυτός (Cocytus) and
The Ἀχέρων (Acheron) broke
around the stone I stood upon.
A mephitic fog enveloped me as
I left, it urged me to forget myself.
I ran from the mists of oblivion and
afterwards I swore an oath on the Styx,

Reminding me to let life
get under my skin and run
through my cavernous veins
,
Like the lines of some sibylline poem
uttered on the shore of a chthonic lake.
403 · Oct 2014
Closure, Actually
I finally got closure
at four thirteen in the morning
eighteen months later.

I feel like I can stare
into the eyes of the future


For the first time in a long while
I could feel again: And it felt magnificent;
To be feeling things once more.
Alive, Finally
402 · Dec 2016
Torchlight (Cast By?)
Oh those cold, dreary, wet, winter days spent inside, warm and dry, looking out into the drizzle of these grey skies.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
Lovers are patient, or so they say.
The quiet hours of our strange days
hold me close as hours pass and I look
into the clearing sky, a cold horizon falls
upon this tired denizen of the little
idiosyncrasies that life grants, such as
remembering, detailing, wondering what
atmosphere is and wandering down its path.
Follow your heart,
Consider with your head.


For awhile I thought innocence still lingered
in this old world. A fool I was,
That young word is used
against those who would
otherwise loiter on this old earth.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
The future never arrives, plans contend
with the present just trying to survive;
We need be content, lost in sometime
and sometimes I do, I wish I was high.
I remind myself of someone,
I am so lucky to be alive
and when I realize
I am content enough to rest
for a time; sigh
What little of me did ever survive.
I wish I could offer you more
but I am selfish, I write
only for myself.
Ar scáth a chéile a mhaireann na daoine.
401 · Jun 2018
Regaining PLURalism
What things I've written
over the years, I wonder
what will they remember,
What image will be left for
those I leave behind? A few
weeks ago I had an intense
realisation. What would I do
if I were terminal?
I'm still wasting time trying to
come to terms with my question
and to find some strength from it.
I remembered to breathe today
(so often I forget). I had a couple tokes
and got a little ****** but I don't miss it
as much as I thought (though I miss the times
and the humility of tripping). I avoid work like
an expert, lapping up the sun while it shines and
buying synthesizers; I did just finish
8 months of therapy.

Another realisation, or rather
the application of knowledge
I already possessed, a cause is
merely something we construct.
Supposing how and deriving why
are a useful set of fictions to abide by
yet they cease to serve when I assume
it's my fault and I should be able to make
a change or difference.
I persecute and victimise, recuse myself from
my own life, wondering whatever could rescue
the person I was
as a child.
Music might.
☮ <3 ☯ & 尊
Like a steam engine eats black diamonds are my pupils.

When I'm high, in this safety, everything's fine.
Don't need your lies, or mine.
399 · Feb 2017
These Cogs Are Spinnin'
My mind,
My thoughts,
My paradise lost;
Only you
dearest
reader
dare I let glance in here,
The corridors of my psyché echo
with the voices of friends and family.

My voice resounds in its chamber,
My thought reverberates on these planes,

I tell myself, the only reason I live is for others
because whatever would they think if I died.
Sometimes I wish I didn't exist, which is futile
because I know I am privileged.
Oftentimes I feel I died long ago.

Now I bask in the shower, its stimulus, the hot water
pelting down my back, I feel selfless, egoless, empty,
Questioning existence, bliss, I enjoy it before I turn
down for what, to the coldest setting,  step into it
unflinching, before shutting it off.
397 · Apr 2018
Go For The Vulgular
I really haven't be reaching for it
of late; this illusion of independent
self-nature doesn't have much weight

until I try to figure what's eating
at me, what I haven't been able
to express as poetry. I keep
thinking to myself, keep
forgetting to get on
with it and tindr.

Cycling home earlier I had a thought:
She won't love me, she doesn't love herself.
Life's a cruel *****, and I am a heartless *******
in this absolute cunting-****-face of a wasted world.
I wrote this about myself but dedicate it to a friend.
It's like
we can't even pretend
to be normal anymore.
Can't  have anything in mind
without thinking of our next score.
Forgotten how to interact without them,
Lost all social mores.
Do we think ourselves better,
More deserving or special?

Feeling the aftershock, again;
What keeps us going?
Serotonin depletion.
396 · Sep 2020
Intermittence
Broke my hand cycling. I fled, away
from something; chasing my psyche.
Felt nothing. Earth-grazer.
Rush of adrenaline. I fall, anger
turned inward does harm unto me;
I see myself spiraling.

They gave me a pair of local anesthetics
for the surgery, not psychoactive (although
the level of physical detachment was curious).
The nerve-block employed lidocaine, bupivacaine,
And the latter was mixed with epinephrine
to increase its duration of action:
This resulted in shivering and anxiety.
I suppose it is the archetypal stimulant.
392 · Jul 1
To Visit The City
Near the center of things, the heart of the sprawl,
The hustle and bustle, the chaos of it all.

I made it to the city, 9 months later I left
having survived and thrived and realized
I'm not sure do I want anyone to live there.

New York, London, San Francisco, Dublin;
The more urban the environment, the more
389 · Dec 2015
Oneironmancy
Praise be oneirongensis,
[404: prophecy not found]

groggily:
**** you sleep inertia.
____________
[End-Of-Line]
(Colours In The Sky [Interlude] - Aer.)
389 · Feb 2013
Sweet Summer Junkiedom
I'd like to say she abandoned me
to the depths of sweet junkiedom,
But that place is yet to come.

I'm waiting for the fall
but I know I'll jump.
Anticipating my fun,
Planning the run.

The summer so far
is yet to come.
388 · Oct 2019
Temporal Exhaustion
Frustrated at myself;

But feel I need say more
than that
about these serotonin fumes
I give off.

Ye Ye - Daphni,
Heard it before
hon'. Where's the sweetness at,
Where've you gone?
H'on.
388 · Dec 2019
Excitotoxic
Acute anxiety, insomnia, hand tremors, and a pre-delirium state.
Feelings of excess glutamate
spurned by GABA dysregulation.
It was not 'the fear', there was no binge.
Rather it was brief, mild ethanol withdrawal
prompted by frequent consumption over the week.

Distinct feelings
of excitotoxicity.
Should abstain from GABAics
for 1-2 weeks, will abstain from alcohol
for 1-2 months.
387 · Jun 2017
Nausea
Woke up
still drunk,
I feel so sick
listening to Cigarettes After ***
while writing this.

These tears I held back
for a few years have
come and gone and
now I'm hungover.
386 · Jan 2017
Voices
I've been fading,
Nothing respects itself,
I am a piece of work, don't even dare to dream
anymore but from way down
deep the memories slip
through while I sleep
and then I can lose
myself to anything
other than all the things
I could be. The things
I write now
are so different
and I'm so confused
by the changing
things, voices
said to me that
"*** is something
to be respected".

I found it hard
to reconcile this
with my past.

I hope one day
you'll forgive me.
I hope one day I can forgive myself
and forget my faults.

Memory always gets me,
I can't help myself, I fall
into its music and lose myself.
Quote:
Line Seventeen and Eighteen from Sense8, S2E1.
385 · Jul 2017
Callista
It's so strange
how little I'll let slip
compared to what I share

here, with you.
It's so odd
how much I've put out there
compared to what I keep

here, with us.
I need to come out of this
pain. I love

and hate
everything because
on some days I'm worth it
and on other days I'm not.

So I write
this terrible poetry
that means the world to me
and briefly the world stops
destroying me.

In this act of creation
I can breathe, poiesis
frees me from fear, it

releases me from my own
agony, I can believe at last
and all I can see are moments
shared between people, kept in memory.

It is bittersweet, καλλίστη.
Saki Kaskas died
eight months ago, Captain Ginger
is dead, yo: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4StTjnaqVls
384 · Feb 2018
Antitoxin
Is it being high
or getting higher

to which we should aspire?
You know which feels better.
384 · Jun 2021
True Neutral
Do what seems to be a good idea.

Good is better than evil after all,
We would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones.

Be mindful that
good, evil, law, and chaos
are prejudices and dangerous extremes.

Act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion.
383 · Jan 2013
Unequalibrium
The following sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.
An eternity of infinite paradox.
Unequalibrium,
Unto itself in another universe.

When lies are all you have they become truth
and right now all I have is you.
382 · Apr 2019
"Know Thyself"
"On my temple in Delphi there are two words written:
Know Thyself.

It's good advice,
Know yourself. You are worth knowing.
Examine your life. The unexamined life is not worth living.

Be aware that people have equal significance.
Give them the space to make their own choices, and let their choices count as you want them to let your choices count.

Remember that excellence has no stopping point and keep on pursuing it. Make art that can last and that says something nobody else can say. Live the best life you can, and become the best self you can.

You cannot know which of your actions is the lever that will move worlds. Not even Necessity knows all ends. Know yourself."
from p.364 of The Just City by Jo Walton
380 · May 2018
Lost Friends
A long summer's dusk
yawned
as if this side of the earth
were tired
of day and wished to usher
in the quiet of night. I found
myself sitting on a stone bench
overlooking the river, cathedral
and town as magnanimous indigo
stretched so spritely to ripple across
the sky and corral the light so that the
stars could guide me home.
Something shone
so I asked, where have all my people gone?
The reply, they're still here.
This lonely fiend's new friends
remind him how temporary relief
is
because I have done this too many times
and I have lost interest in living
as I wander this town,
My sweet city
split me
into
I thought sacrificing my ego
would make me better; praising The Entheon
could make me happier.

I was wrong, without an ego
I lost everything, one needs
a coherent self to function.
I'll pray to The Apotheon
and give myself to the enemy.

I will lose nothing
in the dark and embrace the thing
I held back for so long.

I will study the dark arts again,
Sorcery and addiction.

I will trust in myself to do the right thing.
I will reclaim the Entheon.
A philosopher is unable to question the value of philosophy
without engaging in it. Knowledge is a pleasure, and the object
of my love is bracketed by that question.

I am ashamed by my inability to explain this, this love is ineffable,
I can say it is true (even though that is a circular redemption).
Every reason seems bracketed by the unknown, seeming
to include the unknowable, yet I try to answer for this.

All I can say is that this love transcends the universe
and has left me behind, I feel poetry is the only way we could know
as to why one loves, and whyever
we have knowledge so.
378 · Jan 2013
Hallowed Eve
Stripped skin,
Get your intoxication on;
Night falls after dusk dawns.

I can't justify it,
Only explain,
It's on my mind,
Choice, Change.

Less than three,
More than words,
Under the influence
and high on her.
378 · Nov 2022
Helle Technokratie
Speak the phrase "Civis Europaeus sum"
and safety is guaranteed to one's data
when traveling through the internet.
All roads lead to FVEY.
377 · Jul 2017
Optimism (For (A) Change)
Love is eternal
though spirit
may change.

Once you love you always love.
A moment in time is suspended
as past diverges from present,
Love becomes attached in memory.

People may change but memory is immutable
once its sense is set,
Although knowledge and understanding
are not always the fastest of friends.

Don't be afraid of change,
Embrace it, roll with it and
you always come out on top.
376 · Aug 2018
Effusory, Exfiltrait
A figure from my past
didn't recognize me,
And I didn't say anything.

My time is almost up, I long
to live in the 808 State.
Perhaps someday I will,
Or I may just find Death in Vegas.

What does it mean
to "...remove the issue of skill,
and replace it with the issue of judgement"?
What does it say
when a machine outstrips the human?

I find myself rationalizing
this creature's evolution.
Should I have said something?

Surely, but to what end?
I fear failure, yet I understand
its necessity. The pain of a paradox
so wondrous.

A buried chest full of forgotten anxiety, what a treasure.
As for the map herself, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.
Quote:
Lines Eight and Nine are from Brian Eno
372 · Aug 2018
Saudade
For awhile I blamed my brain, and I tried all manner of things
to adjust its delicate balance of neuroelectrochemical readiness;
But I learned to recognize
less is more. Nevertheless,
My experiences left me with a strange ache in my soul
and a passion that keeps me asking questions

about existence, and whether I will
return to the compounds
I once cherished.
Whether
I am well enough
or simply brave enough.
Whether I will be content to study
the things I love without
holding them in
my skull.
Why should the psychedelic
renaissance be restricted to the sciences,
Why should it be distanced from the humanities?

We need a fair psychology of hallucinogenesis; we deserve
a better philosophy of psychedelia, and of psychoactivity.

Is it too much to ask; does this dream of mine make you laugh?
What about when I write that the downfall of philosophy is
its disdain of poetry, and that the failures of science stem
from its inability to reconcile with the humanities.
Emotion and reason can only listen to each other when
they are on level. Mind is not in the head, the soul is ecological

and humanity is losing touch.
Curiosity is our nature, as is politics.
October looms.
Autumn is here,
I feel an eagerness

to leave and change color.
Cycling these medieval streets,
The scent of **** and rain-clouds

float through the town, NewDad plays
in my headphones. Think I'll skip winter
this year, travel to the southern hemisphere.
I got a tattoo of home to bring with me.
371 · Oct 2021
Anticharm
Embodiment says more about consciousness
than symbolism or analysis;
"Your emotions become your reality".

What anticharms and antistrange ways lie beyond us?

Our eyes take care in their saccades,
We skim the surface, brushing over one's skin
as if to remark that I am here, searching for something.

Being and dissociation.
Quote:
Line Three by Iroh from Avatar: The Legend of Korra, S3E2
371 · Nov 2019
November Hesitant
A swan cruised down Lough Atalia
as midnight struck this brisk November
a second followed in its wake.
Sparse weeknight traffic sews by,
Woven into the quiet breeze of a new Wednesday.

I listen to a few tunes as I cycled down The Line,
Pausing to note this moment
and gaze upon G-twn.
369 · Aug 2017
Poise
Few things are so therapeutic
as discovering new music.

Especially when paired
with 10mg of a rather rare
base tryptamine. I have been
known to enjoy the occasional
obscure psychoactive substance.

Methylisopropyltryptamine
certainly has some merit, MiPT held my curiosity for a number of years but there's only one way to truly know a compound.

I am a proponent of harm reduction
and a research chemical enthusiast,
Ironically enough
the two are not mutually exclusive.
Since 4-**-MiPT and 5-MeO-MiPT have pronounced tactile and stimulant components (and DiPT is particularly aural) I expect MiPT to emphasise the haptic (and aural) over visual or psychic. The difference in pharmacological action between MiPT (and/or DiPT) and that of DMT, DPT or MPT may serve to highlight correlates which could indicate processes responsible for presenting/representing aural and tactile as distinguished from visual or semantic perception.
367 · Feb 2017
Contentedness
The keys of my keyboard
alight with will, imagination
and this mental life
yet all words pale
in comparison to
the scene lying before my mind.
Rain falls, in the garden and on the street.
I see it shimmer on the tarmac, dripping
from an old tree
I remember when it was a mere sapling.

Sometime otherwise, the scene darkened
and a dusk sky
I fell in love with summers ago
graces us with her subtle indigo
which I see through this window.
I witnessed so much I am thankful
for, every moment remembered has
some significance, rarely is it obvious.
Though this life can be lonely at times
on occasion it is so kind
that I feel in my head
and it feels right.

Once, from a dark desk
in a quiet room
  I felt it
through the window, with it
came the sublimation of all
that I knew. I was contented
then, for a long and wonderfully lonely time.
I savored the moment, sublime, knowing it
fades to leave memory, not answers why;
Contentedness, wandering in mind and
wondering why. Everything has come
together, objects in space, movements
through time; cloud, rain, reflections
in water, tarmac, shimmering, leaves
dripping, time easing, sky clearing, the
opaque steam of a condensate wall fading,
The azure gradually fades into indigo and
again onto navy blue until finally, a black
absence tinted with skyglow, space in all
its darkness, teeming with twinkling stars.

Moments tied to memories, tinged with emotions
evocative of time, reconcile space and my mind
with a sublime environment, separate  from mind.
Its function is to divide subject from object,
Self from world, me from you, I from all
and shade
from hue.
Such are some of things
minds do.
I sit here, at my desk, in wonder
as things I cannot comprehend
pass through,
I can feel them;
Noumenal, innumerable,
Like memories I can't define,
While the afterglow still lingers
I see the world
and it seems
so fine.
367 · Jul 2015
Magisterium
Wandering
on this fading summer's eve,
The evening cusp held me high
in disbelief; so many hours spent
chasing dusk,
Longing for memory
amidst this gorgeous drug-lust.
I can feel sensation, runner-neurons
in their all their majesty.
367 · May 2019
Throw It Back
Among the company of heroes

in a city of villains.

Being there, immersed
in that strange world, living it
meant something for a time, albeit brief.
Now ask ourselves
what's left?
Vonnegut said "We are what we pretend to be,
So we must be careful about what we pretend to be",
But if you're too careful you'll just become your anxiety.
Whatever of pretense, we question
what is spent.
Quote from Mother Night (1962).
365 · Jul 2024
Working With Shadows
During our struggle to attain peace
the heavens open,
You can only smile in the soaking rain.

Practices must be underscored
by a narrative they can be subsumed by
if they are to elicit change

in the person, fashion personality or craft persona.
"But I am straitened between two:

Having a desire to be dissolved
and to be with Christ, a thing by far the better.

But to abide still in the flesh, is needful for you".
[Pulvis et] umbra sumus.
(We are [dust and] shadow.)

Those who cannot be rid of the dark
must lean into it.
363 · Jan 2016
Riddle Me This, Scientist:
In what sense does thought exist?
Do we qualify it as an experience?

Try to look beyond processing power
when you think memory and context;

Tell me what dreams are made of and
why are there so many stars out there?
361 · Sep 2013
Strappare
Ha, just let it come.
Let it take me up
in one grand wave.
I would; heaven, haze.

There's blood on the tracks.
I derailed a train.

Let it rend.
We're gone;
Off the rails.
359 · Mar 2014
Without Input
I've been thinking
far too much
lately.

I lay amidst scattered definitions
without knowing.

The syntax is forming.
The wind is blowing.
I am somewhat disappointed
in myself and those old habits.

I did not intend
to drink or smoke
or take stimulants
last night. Alas, my former zealotry took me by surprise.

I was happy enough just being around my people,
Talking with them. There was no need for me
to be as concerned,
To champion
the cause.

This I regret
for I was far too drunk
when the 4-Fluoroethylphenidate
came out, and its nuances were lost on me.
357 · Dec 2013
Know Entheos
The sound of acid
held high, in lofty esteem.
Like a divine kindness,
These heavenly dreams;
In The Psyché I believe.
Inspiration:
Your Acid My Loft (Fearless Transhouse Mix) - Death In Vegas
357 · Dec 2016
Blackwater City
Aren't I a fool

and a gentleman
and a scholar
and a fool
once again
'cause sure
there is only a
single chance that

I'm getting out
alive.
357 · Feb 2014
Full Sigma
Deep revelation while MDMAzing;
I moved through so many groups
just finding my bearings.
Inspiration:
Everyday - Rusko
355 · Jan 2014
Thrown To The Fates
I feel fated to remain seventeen for the rest of my days,
And they be memorable daze.
in vivo
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