I'd keep the walls down but
Everytime I let hope remove the bricks
I take arrows to my chest.

I think it might be best
To keep the concrete high
And nurse my wounds in private this time.

A ghost or a shell
I never can tell
When I look in the mirror
And everything's weird
The smile I miss
Now a thin line so crisp
The glaze in my eyes
Since the glow died
This skin isn't mine
This body feels like a crime
I don't recognize what I see
I just want to feel like me

Lonely and craving the feel of touch,
The electricity from skin to skin,
The magnetic pull from eye contact,
The I love yous and I miss yous.

But it's a craving best left unfed
To be touched is to be vulnerable and the electricity shocks my brain, the I love yous and I miss yous make me feel insane,
To look at me too long is to pick apart my flaws, and at the end of the day I'm better alone after all.

Only worth what I can give, never allowed to be seen,
I tend their wounds and clean their rooms, but no one's concerned about me.
Money to borrow, chores to be done, tears to be wiped, words to be sung.
And I like to do it, but I'm all worn out
I can't keep on giving when I'm left out.
But I'm talked over, my words not worth your ears,
And my hands are unseen, unless alleviating others fears.
I've asked for help, and patience, and time, but I'm told that's life and I should step back in line.

One man today, another man tomorrow
To have been mixed up with you
Gave me everlasting sorrow
For the time that I spent and the tears that I wept
Always making sure your heart and house were well kept
The mean you that I hated, the goofy you that I loved
I'm not sure how the two coincide or if you were ever in love
Compassion for you I still carry but the anger never goes away, I wonder if I'll ever heal from you, this pain likes to stay.

Passive aggressive, can't be too firm,
This anger inside me I've carried since birth.
I say what I mean but then laugh at the end
You don't think I'm serious, and my mind starts to bend.
Can't be too forward,
Sarcasm my favorite weapon, maybe if I said it straight I wouldn't always end up mad again.

Aggressively passive, I've given up hope, no point in giving a **** when you're taken as a joke.
Why argue my point when you're blind to my mind?
I get better and better at keeping the anger inside.
Go with the flow is too gentle a phrase, for the ***** I don't give the more that I age.
People will come and those people will go, no longer will I cry and let my soul feel hope.

Another year living, another day gone,
The past isn't giving the wisdom I want.

I'm searching for answers, I lay in the rain, I stare at the moon while I'm begging for change.

My face is now creased, from years of worry, I laugh at my young wish to grow up in a hurry.

The right answers never come, I grieve over wrong choices, I'll stay in my bed berated by these voices.

And it's October, but the leaves are still green, the seasons aren't seasons and I am not me.

Twenty seven I might be, but fourteen I still feel, I look at the life I've built but none of it seems real.