The walls are caving in
Darkness setting in
Not a single ray of light seeps in
But i like it.

Everyone
Everyone i knew
Everyone i had
Everyone i loved
And still love
Everyone that i gave a piece of me to
turned away
and walked away
with that piece
never looking back.
not even once,

But i like it.

Everyday
I feel as if
I am walking under clouds
That are raining knives
With the knives piercing through me
In every way it could
Just like innocent raindrops.

But i like it.

Each night
I wet my eyes
With my own raindrops
Then i shut them tight
and lock myself away
Repeating the mantra
Don't wake up.
Don't wake up.
Don't wake me up.
But when the morning comes
I will be awake
And my eyes were allowed to be opened.

I have no choice then
I have to get up
And live it away
Bleeding as i walk around
The face of this Earth.

People throwing words at me
as i walk
You need to stop.
You need to get out of this.
Lets find a way together.

But no.
This pain is a drug
That i am addicted to
And no rehab nor therapies
could fix it.

And i
Love it.

In my veins you flow.
In my mind you run.
In my heart you live.
In my soul you exist.

but if I am ignorant I am happy
I'm happy- I meant ignorant
Maybe I'm ignorant about my happiness
Or happy that I'm ignorant
I'm really not sure anymore

Tonight -
it's just me
and my cat
laying
on the same bed,
not caring
about each other
and i'm glad, at least -
it's not another
human
who is ignoring me
on the same bed