It feels so good to be home right now
Tonight wasn’t exactly perfect
You made me wait at the restaurant for hours
Claiming that you had lost your wallet earlier
Who loses their wallet in their own house?
You are just super messy
So it is unbelievable how you always show up to places looking like a million bucks but barely have 100 bucks to your name
Your tie was a disaster and didn’t exactly match my sapphire dress as we had planned
The food was scrumptious but I couldn’t enjoy more than three bites because your phone kept on ringing
I thought it was just going to be the two of us
But you had your boss on speakerphone
Dessert was going well until you fell out of your seat
Was it because of the waitress who kept on dabbing at your shirt to get rid of non-existent drops of water or have you always had trouble sitting still?
The bill was eighty-eight seventy-five but you came up three dollars short
Thank goodness I had a twenty on me
Now wipe that lipstick off your face and go pour me a stiff one

Is there only one way to describe what it means to be home?
Some say a house is only a home if there is a mother to talk to at the end of the day
Others believe that a house is only complete if the silence is replaced with a child’s laughter and barking dogs
But to me home means coming to you
Your eyes serve as the windows to show me all that is beautiful in the world
To gain sight of all that I am still ignorant about
Your body serves as the four walls to protect me from the unknown dangers that permeates the air
Shield me from thunder and rain
Save me from the dark and bad dreams
Your arms serve as the door to protect all that is important including my honor
Your heart serves as the room inside this house
A room for one
Where the walls are papered with memories of us
The floors are made from all that flowers you have given me
The furniture built from our dreams and desires
Electricity runs on your love for me
So I hope it never goes out
The best part is that only I have the key
So pucker up and let me in!

Made Up
It is time for another night out with freinds
I have been looking forward to this
I pray that bill behaves tonight
He tends to smile a lot and becomes a little too friendly with woman in our group of 8  
The past few weeks have been on him with his foster mom passing the house needing more repairs and a possible down-sizing at work
so i did not say anything to him yet
I have my dress all pressed and ready to go but i am not sure of  what shoes to wear with it
my feet have not yet healed yet her dropped a box on it the other day
he said it was a mistake so i believe him
My crimson hair is still a disheveled mess he hates it when it tie it up
so i keep it down even though it gives me a headache
But what to with my face?
Can concealer and a proper foundation hide the  scars left on my face because I forgot the house keys at work and was late my picking up tommy from school because to much traffice
My eyes are a dark shade of blue I say they my best feature but my eyelids are colored purple. So maybe a little eyeliner and mascara e hide the damage
My lips have a healed a bit from last night
Dinner did not exactly as planned
The chicken was too spicy and the potatoes a little under seasoned
In my defense-- it was a new recipe
They are already a peculiar shade of red I may  have something in the top left drawer to match that color.
I best leave my hair down for tonight
I do not want anyone finding out about the burn marks
Petunia Georgia and June will  only gossip about this
My shoulder and arms still feel tender
leather is not good for the skin
Good thing my dress has long sleeves
Now where are those pesky shoes
I think i saw my purse somewhere here as well
The room is a mess- He raged about something earlier
Well i should be getting dressed now
He hates waiting on people and I know better

This marks the end of another stressful day
Y'know working for a law firm isn't all that glamorous
and defending woman and children is very draining
It certainly does not help that you are in a room only two doors awauy
the walls and closed doors do nothing to conceal your voice
The voice that told me It was time to see other peoples
what I gave you was not enough
You did not waste any time in socializing
while i stayed back drinking away my pain in liquids
One shot for Valerie my red haired ex best friend
One shot for Ronnie. the piano playing colleague at work
One shot for Ashley my cousin the successful lawyer
One shot for Rita the almond skinned doe eyed newbie at work
Lets not forget the pills
because no martini is complete with an olive or three

Black and White

A friend asked me about you today

We were having lunch today together

At Mickeys- lunching on seared tuna, leafy greens, and sparkling wine

Remember that classy little whole in the wall on 59th street
The owner’s words not mine

Something must have been off about me today

Because we almost never talk about you

I told her we are happy together

But she did not buy it

So I have to admit that things are not that great between You and I

Yes you are still attractive smart and charming time has not changed that

Yes I still enjoy coming home to you

But the moment my keys scratches the door lock, a sense of apprehension sets in

It comes home with me and that was never there before

You smile, and ask for a simple kiss but my lips greets the lips of a stranger

Warm and then nothing

You ask about dinner but you are usually to busy to help with the process or give out helpful tips like you always did in the past
Its been like this for the last couple of months

You decide you want to watch a movie together
We pick one out the popcorn is ready but the for the next hour you hide yourself in the sanctuary of your room talking away on the phone only to come back minutes before the ending

We prepare mixers every now and then. I prefer mine with dessert
and you like it with a stack of manila envelopes and your old fountain pen

The clocks read 11:00pm and you make a dash for the bathroom to get ready for bed What happened to cleaning up together?

I climb into bed and you are out cold

Why is our love so black and white?

I always thought it was all about color.

So... there is this girl that I like
She goes by the name Fiora
She is about 5’2 with dark hair and beautiful green eyes
Like green emeralds with a touch of grey
I have never seen anything like it
She has the cutest little laugh and dimples
I should know because I made her laugh just yesterday
We attend the same college together but we are not in the same class  
Or part of the same caste a lot like star crossed lovers
The problem is that I do not know how to tell her that I like her
Notice that I said like and not love!
I am a pro at talking in front of people but whenever I am in her presence or  come up of a hundred ways to get to close to her.. To pass her paper and ask for the textbook of course I start to stammer and my ears become bright red… Not very attractive I know
But I believe that love should be patient, so I wait everyday till after school at the bus stop, hoping that I see her so that I could take the bus home with her and so far that has only happened once.
I believe that love should be kind, so I walk her to class every chance I get and carry her books as well.
I believe that love does not envy, so I do not become agitated or sad whenever she decides to sit next to another boy during lunch time or talks to one near her locker
I believe that love does not boast, so I do not brag about my capabilities and assets to the public I do my best to remain humble at all times.
I believe that love is not proud, so I make sure to apologize to her whenever I have say or  do the wrong thing by accident
I believe love does not dishonor, so I come to her defense whenever someone feels the need to belittle her in order to make himself feel better by playing with her insecurities and calling her unflattering names.
I believe that love is not self seeking, so I go out of my way to help her whenever she is feeling low by bringing her a small trinket, if she is stressed I make her laugh and if she wishes to be alone I give her space.
I believe that love is not easily angered, because I have plenty of patience. Though she is smart, pretty and kind she can also be an annoying know-it-all sometimes
I believe that love does not keep a record of right or wrongs, so I forgive and move past a few of the times she has hurt my feeling by not wishing me on my big win during Debates or changing her mind last minute when she promised to help me study for a biology exam
I believe that love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth, so I kept a brave face the day she told me that she was interested in a nobody, which I was not good enough for her because he came from a lot of money, swore too much and was held back twice.
I believe that love always protects, even though Fiora has decided to go out with this guy I let her know that I am only a call away if things get out of hand
I believe that love trusts so I trust her to make the right decision during the date.
I believe that love hopes so I can only hope that she feels the same way I feel about her tonight
Now what god?

I wonder if he has forgotten
What you may ask?
It is not Valentine’s Day
It is not my birthday or our first anniversary
But the little things that make relationship really great
Don’t get me wrong I still love him
He has gentle eyes and an easy laugh
I know some woman prefer great abs and a killer smirk
But that is what I always look for in a man
He laughs openly, works tirelessly, and loves unconditionally
I couldn’t ask for anything more
But I am still waiting on that morning coffee!

I know life goes on and time waits for no one
The moment we are up there is something that needs to be done and sometimes even re-done.
Now what if all that was to come to a halt one day?
Your usual check-up with the family physician turned into something dreary?
He does not welcome you with his usual smile but frowns at you instead
Looks over at the small sheets of papers in his hands and quickly leaves the room
To have an elderly nurse come in and all tell you that your time is short
You have only 3 days on earth
Today is Friday and you expire on a Sunday
The day of rest…
The long lasting feelings of fatigue
Your fine hair thinning out
Hunger, no longer an issue
Thinking that it just stress and sleepless nights responsible for your horrid state.
Your mouth isn’t working but hands reach your eyes and to your surprise there are no tears
You don’t have time for that either
On your home you think about what you will tell the mother who looks forward to seeing your face first thing in the morning
The father who patiently waits for you to take over the family business so that he could stretch his legs
The baby sister who expects you at her wedding dressed in your finest
And the sweet man who promised you that sleeping alone will soon be a thing of the past
What about your dream?
That child like wish you held on to for years to become a superhero wearing a stethoscope and handing lollies to all the sick children left and right
Suddenly the path to your house, the same one you grew up in is over
And the heavy oak door opens up
To let out frenzy of noise complete with laughing children and talkative adults
Bessie the friendly black Labrador is there too
You look to the sky and sigh “I guess this can wait till after the party”

Memories
I suppose he has just had a hard day at the office.
My husband normally does not act like this
Harsh  words, red eyes and coughing that hurts my ears
things are very different now
We love each other but something is not there anymore
I think this to myself as I open my closet.
A Box falls out
An old fashioned hat box.
I cannot remember what I kept in there
But I bring it to my bed and pull the top open
I find a few articles in there
A dried up orchid – One similar to the one he bought for me at for prom
I cannot seem to find any photographs of that night
I shrug it off
I pull out yards of flimsy looking material next - A gold dress with sequins
This was from my first night with him. We celebrated new years together when we first started dating
The color is tacky and I don’t think it will fit anymore
I see what else is in the box
I pull out a pair of earrings.
These belonged to his mom she gave them to me on our wedding day
Bless her heart
My hands touch something made from velvet and studs
It’s a collar for a cat
This must be lucy’s his beloved cat- well kitten that he had rescued during a rainstorm
Before I can reach for something else
I see my husband standing in the doorway with a sheepish grin on his face
The same one that me blush only 15 years ago
“You were not suppose to see that until much later Susan”
I smile back. “What will you put next into the box”?
His smile gets bigger and he whips out a Polaroid camera
Snaps a picture and drops it in the box
A picture of you with not a drop of makeup on, hair down and what I hope is love in your eyes.

Its's not quite 6:30 yet
I sit at my desk with the pc on
A blank page stares back at me
and I feel that itch
It starts at my fingers just waiting to tackle the keyboard and ready to type my problems away for the day
deleting my thoughts one by one from my brain and onto the screen
to make room for  life's more mundane tasks
like making sure that Mr breadwinner has his shoes polished and a matching tie to wear to the office
or chase a silly little five year without breaking a sweat because she refuses to wear slippers or let a brush come close to her auburn curls.
I usually enjoy the chase but not today
the sight of her precious face and that shrill but infectious laugh is enough to get a headache going
not sure what that's about but here it comes...
Maybe a cup of joe will do the trick or is it chardonnay?
can't remember anymore
it has been like this for the past couple of weeks.
He goes to work with a happy smile pasted on his face while mine is replaced with a silent plea " Please give me the strength and patience from within to stay on my feet from dawn till dusk"
Should I wait till he gets home  to tell him what is on my mind or save it for the end of the month when all the bills have been paid off and everyone has been waved off until the next month.
It only seems like yesterday I brought Anjulie home buts it has already been 5 years
Motherhood is a blessing  and all but what I really need a pause button every now and then
Where is the remote when you need one?

The clock reads 1:04 pm
I will have to spend this night like every other night
I should be asleep but I feel restless
The silk on my skin feels anything but luxurious tonight
My mind should be free from thought but it replays every memory i have of you
The ones where you spoke to me
The ones where we laughed together
The ones where we looked at each other with love
The ones where lips were kissed, skin was caressed and moans were silenced
The ones where you raised your hand and could not look at me the very next day
It is chaos in there and that was three years ago...
My hands should stay at my side but they grab at the sheets
My eyes should close any moment now but they sting from the tears that are about to fall
You caused the pain, you left behind the memories, injected the bitterness now find me the cure!

I do not know where you are right now
Who you are with or why you left
But not a day goes by that I do not think of you
I must admit I still wait by the phone
Old habits are hard to break and you were my worst habit
What happened to us?
Why did we have to say our goodbyes instead of our wedding vows?
My white dress sits my closet upstairs, the jewellery locked up in the safe and the venue paid in full.
I thought everything was perfect
Isn’t this what you wanted?
You always spoke about spending the rest of your lives together hand in hand
So why the sudden change in heart
You didn’t break mine but left me in pieces.

I am not sure why you showed up tonight
But I think it is best if I tell you this now
I do not have much love to give these days
and feel even less
My laugh is a hollow one
I can go out but i prefer to keep to myself alot now
Not ready for hand-holding just yet
I love watching movies but I may forget that your sitting right next to me
My hands may feel like ice when you will try to reach for them
I may stare at the wall behind you as you ask me about my day or my hobbies so don't ask questions about that later
I may stop talking mid-sentence and get lost in my thought so don't feel offended
I may stay perfectly still if you try to hug me
I may turn my face away when its time to kiss good-bye
But please come in, its dreadfully cold outside.

It has been exactly one year since you have brought me into this house
Carried me over the threshold and step further
I have turned to this house into a fine home
Looked after your parents like they are my very own
Treasured your sister like the one I never had
I smiled every time you went for work and left me cooped up in the house
I gave it no thought every time you came home and plopped yourself right in front of the TV
I kept quiet when you waved at me from your office because there was always something or someone that always needed your attention
I went about my way every time you asked for the bottle, and never for me
I closed my eyes when you creeped into bed at 2 am in the morning thinking that I would not hear anything
But i must say I am tired now
Tired of keeping appearances and pretending to be happy
When really, every part of me wants to lash out
Smash the fine china to decorate the floors
Paint the walls with your imported poison
And make curtains out your clothes
Acknowledge me while I am still here
Look at me when I sit across you
Embrace me—
“thud” there goes the door

I hate shopping!
Nothing seems to fit
The colour just isn’t right
They don’t have it in my size
Yes you have guessed it
I am a curvy girl
I think I look great for 23 but mother dearest disagrees
She says hunting for a wedding dress should be anything but easy
I mean what’s the big deal with wearing white?
I refuse to enter another boutique with its fancy designer name
With their Fictitious beauty consultants looking so prim and proper with their hair done up and nails glued on.
Or choke down another glass of cheap champagne.
All I see is a sea of white, beige and the occasional pink with far too many crystals and beads and 50 different kinds of sashes and scratchy veils
Just once I would like to try on a dress made for me
I imagine it to be blue like the sea-  
With a straight lined skirt that’s flares out like a trumpet (Don’t ask me why)
made from a material that looks exquisite and  envelopes my body like silk
no floral patterns, I prefer seashells instead
Veils and trains out of the question!
A tiara made from pearls and diamonds will do
Now Is that too much to ask for?

I know it’s just you and I in the room
Not another person in sight but I can still feel his presence
I know none of it makes any sense.
His words ringing in my ears, breaking the silence and I cannot hear myself think
Mocking me from so far away until I am an on the brink of crying.
What kind of love is this? I wonder
I go out with you but always feel the need to look over my shoulder even when it is time to cross the street
When you place your fingers in mine. I start to panic, it starts all the way from my toes and keeps on rising and only goes away at the very end of the day.
Your kisses touch only skin and nothing else.  
When you come close to me I feel the need to pull away, even though there is no force or ugliness between us
When your lips close in on the nape of my neck I feel cold instead of warm and close my eyes to embrace emptiness
When it gets dark and the door closes I am filled with dread.

Yesterday
Are you like me stuck in the past but still living in the present?
Does your mind wonder back to the past loves, regrets and losses?
Does the sun reminds you of all the times he chased you in the grass
Does the moon remind you of the long walks you two would go on at night
Do the stars remind you of all the nights you spent over the phone wishing upon a star for the things that no longer matter
Do the flowers remind you of your first valentine
Does the candy remind you of the way he surprised you on the day of your 3 month anniversary when you first met back in high school
Does chocolate reminds of the way he would make up with you after a small disagreement on date night
Does red remind you of the color he loved to see you in every friday when he would take you out to the movies
Do teddy bears remind you of the carnival you two went on during the summer
Do diamonds remind of you the night he proposed under the water fountain before the moon and stars
Dec 31 now a reminder of the day he lost you

Doctor, doctor I think I might be sick
What ails you dear madam?
Well It is like this…
My checks get warm
I being to feel queasy from the inside
My vision blurs and head starts to spin
My knees go weak
I cannot digest my food not even mothers famous lasagna!
I feel as if time is passes by  and very slowly
A minute feels like eternity
It keeps me up most nights and I find myself smiling for no apparent reason even in my sleep imagine that!
I hum when running errands and sing if no one is looking
What could be this be? I have been feeling this way for weeks now
The doctor looks up from his desk and gives his great big mustache a tweak
You have been… bitten by the love bug
A tiny thing, almost impossible to see
It is to be expected at least once in a person’s life time
I was 23 myself
So what should I do?
He smiles, but a sad one.. I am afraid there is no cure

It has been so long since I have heard your voice
A little raspy maybe but very unique
It sounded worse than thunder every time we fought, for reasons I can no longer remember
Just tearing throughout the house and bouncing from one wall to another
Although more soothing than any lullaby I have ever heard when night time came with my head on your chest and arms around one another
Now it seems like I am never warm enough no matter how many blankets I surround myself with
This house is much too big for just one person and the silence is deafening
The walls are still painted that shade of green you liked so much because you wanted to bring Mother Nature inside
But the walls are void of memories
Memories of you,
Of us,
Yet is feels likes this is enough to make me suffocate
The walls just seem to close in on me now
And that smell... it lingers
A musky spicy scent
It wafts by during the day even when all the windows are closed
And creeps into my bedroom like an uninvited stranger during the night
The smell so overpowering, it erases all traces of sleep from my weary eyes
And leaves my body aching all over
But I emerge only to find an empty room and a picture that never answers back
As my cries of anguish go unanswered night after night
Our days had been numbered and my happiness always short lived
I could not live with you then
And I cannot live without you now
So I stay busy just to make time go by
But a feeling of emptiness has settled in
It grows heavy day by day
How long before it seeps the life out of me?

Never have I felt a love like this before
Different and not like any other
One that I have always hoped for
But also dreamt about often at night


A love full of friendship,humor and heart
Where days are filled with laughter and colour
And nights are spent in comfort and and nothing but the sounds of out hearts beating as one
A love so beautiful from inside and out
Free from tears and pain
Untainted by feelings of hearted and jealousy

A love with soul
Tender and true
A love that I have found
Only in you...

I haven’t hit home yet but least I’ve got a roof over my head
Food on the table
Clothes on my back
But it’s nothing like the days I’ve spent with you
The good days- even if there was only a few of them
Working beside you during the day and cozying up against at you night
The pleasure of waking up next you every morning and coming home to quality time, kissing and caressing
No I still haven’t forgotten
Yes I am away from you but I have no peace of mind
My appetite dies as I wonder if you have still eaten
My days turn grey even when the sun smiles down at me
My sleep fades away when I find myself thinking about you at the middle of the night
My skin goes cold when I remember the feel of your embrace
And my eyes flow with the tears that have never been shed
For all the days spent on our bitter fights
Time wasted on cruel words and accusations
The nights you came home staggering through the door reeking of cheap alcohol and cigarettes
All the nights that were wordlessly spent even though we lay next to each other in the same bed
The thoughts of you still torment me by the hour and keep me up at night
But the day after is the absolute worst
No kind words or coffee to wake up to
Only an empty house filled with our old trinkets, and faded memories
Every day I embark on the same quest… of finding my old self again
Trying to relive the days that I vaguely remember and bring out all the pleasures I’ve denied my self
Some days result in triumph but most nights end is tears and despair
It is not my spirit that’s broken but my heart
My aching heart!
that still cannot seem to forget you
but beats with the hope that you will one day come back as a changed man

I Love you Pumpkin!

As they lowered my mother’s casket into the ground
I held on to my father’s hands tightly
I looked at my father—failing to read him
His grey eyes looked at nothing in particular
And lips uttered words only he understood

He let go of my hands abruptly and started walking ahead
Leaving me behind with my aunt and her husband
I stayed with them till it was time to go home

Home- the word sounded strange to my ears
What good was a home if you did not have a mother to go home to?
One who you could talk to about all your worries
Rest your head on her lap and feel all your tensions drift away every time she stroked your hair

But I had to go anyway—It has been raining and I was soaked to the bone
When I got home
The air smelled musty and everyone was still in their “mourning clothes”
If I had my way I would throw away my Wednesday Adams inspired frock and Mary Janes into the fire once and for all
My father, aunt, uncle and grandmother sat around the kitchen table and tried their best not to weep into the food that was sent by the neighbors
I had no appetite to even begin with so I left the table without saying a word
I went to my room changed my clothes and flopped on my bed
I was too tired for anything else and wanted to be left alone for the rest of my days
But this was just wishful thinking
My problems started during the next couple of days
My aunt and uncle had graciously stayed with us for 2-3 days, before leaving on a Friday morning
But not before my aunt took the liberty of rummaging through my mother jewelry box stealing a keepsake or two
“Oh something to remember my older sister by” she laughing said
But I knew better
This had upset me a great deal but it was the least of my worries

My father had started behaving strangely
Coming home late into the night and bringing with him empty bottles and strange odors instead of dinner and clothes
Forgetting to restock the fridge and pay the bills on time
I was busy with school but I pitched in to help whenever I could
But nothing ever pleased my father!

“Lola why are the eggs burned” that earned me a pinch on the arm
“Take out the garbage” he would yell out and smack me across the head
“The soup tastes like dishwater”

The complaints increased with time and the beatings as well
There were 7 days in a week and he may be spared me for two
Everything and anything ticked the man off

I on the other hand was changing colors like chameleon from blue to purple and looked more like a ragdoll then a 14 year old girl
I hardly fit into my school uniform anymore

I could not remember how long this went on for but soon enough it was routine
He would beat in the day
And come to my room to sooth my wounds during the night

He never apologized- all he had to say was this “I love you pumpkin”
As if that was enough to heal the cigarette he placed on my arms and legs

My bruised face
Purple eyes
Broken bones

Things took a turn for the worse on my 17 birthday
My father would only come home now at night just to slowly creep into my room and check on me
Not on my wounds but my body instead
My eyes remained closed the entire time but that never helped
He was big man and had me easily pinned to my bed
He slapped me about when I tried to get away and thrashed around like a fish out of water

He only had this much to say
“I love you pumpkin”

Going to the police did not help
I could not inform my aunt and
My grandmother was buried six feet under the ground

July 1st The day of his birthday
I decided to end this once and for all
I made Chinese and baked a cake
My father always got home around one in the morning
So I thought I would surprise him by dressing up like his lovely dead wife

I walked into my mother’s room for the first time after she passed away and opened up her walk in closet.
I didn’t waste any time in looking at the dresses and endless arrays of shoes and handbags
I picked out a black dress—one of my fathers favorites
Adorned myself in her precious jewels and spirited on her favorite perfume “Haiku”
So it was the first thing my father would inhale when he walked into the house
Just like I predicted the vile man finally came home
I made myself comfortable in the family room but sitting on my mother’s favorite chair with a glass of wine

The front door suddenly creaked open and I could hear the sounds of heavy footsteps making their way to the living room

The lights came on and I got into character
My father was very startled to see me
“Luna” he croaked
“Yes John It is I”
The man was definitely drunk
I put the glass down and stood up to embrace him
He ran to me like a child
“My darling how I missed you” I mimicked
I gingerly embraced him before coaxing him to sit in my mother chair and offered him the wine

He protested but I did not take no for an answer and begin to massage his neck
Just like the mother used to do it without getting sick
And hummed a tune of my own
After an eternity later I could see he was a little calmer then before
I continued what I was doing but this time using only one hand
And reached for the frying pan I had kept behind the sofa before hand

Before he could take my mother’s name again
I brought the pan down and struck on the head
I smiled when the blood finally started to trickle down

With a satisfied smirk I only had this much to say “I love you pumpkin”

Who knew… (Part 1)

Such a day would come
Where I find myself feeling guilty, alone and burdened by memories of you
Of us..
I did I best to be your girl and then one day your wife
At the tender age of 19
What did I know back then?
But it had been one of the best days of my life
I never looked back since
I thought my life had been set
But soon enough problems began to trickle into our small perfectly built-up world

The voice you so dearly loved and longed to hear over the phone suddenly sounded too shrill to you and annoyed you out of your mind
The eyes you looked into so deeply at times had soon turned into a sickening shade of purple—which you say was just the result of anger
The lips you so tenderly locked with your own—was ripped and bleeding
The body you loved to kiss and caress all of sudden repulsed and one fine day you decided that it would now serve as your new punching bag

Swinging to the left, then to the right
Punching up then down
You did what you thought was right
To see me so small and broken forcibly pushed to the corner
Brought you immense pleasure, to this day I cannot imagine why
Everything I did angered you
Nothing was ever good enough and everything was always flawed
My words were just useless noises filling up the air
Conversation had turned into torture
Every minute I spent with you lasted longer than the previous one
But living under the same roof was unbearable

Can you imagine, everything took place in the same house I had so lovingly decorated to my heart’s content
The place I spend my first days as a newly married bride
Was now broken and unrecognizable
The walls that once bared memories was now artfully decorated with holes from the endless hours of fighting
Streaked with blood from a sucker punch or kick one too many
Furniture we had bough to together now lay ruined and in pieces from the strength you didn’t know you had
Clothes which had selected for me with artistic eye and keen sense of fashion often ended ripped and torn from your groping hands and angry fits
The jewelry you surprised me with when traveling one of the many places in the world (Paris/Rome/Mexico/) now glittered in a thousand broken shiny pieces

But I picked myself up and shook everything off
Thinking that this was fate and what we were going through was just a rough patch and that hopefully one day everything would go back to normal
I took a deep breath and move forward
Never letting my patience waver or my temper rise
And helped you to your feet

I listened to your worries
I shared your burdens
I basked in your glory
I loved you when you were feeling down
And supported you during your times of need

But what did all that do
Our happiness was always so short-lived
For days to a month at home
Until the vicious cycle began all over again

My mama always said that I was a beautiful baby with brown hair and curious blue eyes
Quiet and obedient as a little boy and studious as a young man in his teens
So different all the other boys in town
Who were always so rowdy filthy and drunk
So I asked her one say when she was busy with her embroidery
Mama is there something wrong with me?
Why am I so different from all the other boys.. In the world?
She looked at me with her blue eyes wide in shock and gave my left ear a great tweak
Why George! Your just perfect
You've got two eyes to see with two ears to hear with, ten fingers and toes to move around and explore with
I sighed... It was useless trying to explain anything to my dear mother
The truth was.. I hated being a boy
Having to cut my hair every couple of days when she wore hers Cosmo get she shoulders
Always stuck wearing dress shirts and pants around the house while got to wear pretty floral dresses and matching pointy shoes
Being told to always do better in school and keep busy by fixing old cars and junk around the house
Yet she was happy baking cakes and pastries,running errands and waiting for daddy to come home with flowers and chocolates
Worst of all, always being told that boys don't cry
But I'm in pain and always so miserable
So why is it so forbidden for me to cry
To shed just a tear or two?

It's nearly 8
The wife wont mind If I go home late
Shes a good girl
But t not good enough--
I'll go where all the fellas go
To her
A woman tall and curvacious
Always dressed up
You gotta wait awhile before meeting her but its worth it
You can tell her anything and she'll never protest
Just sits in front of you and listens
With just one whiff of her perfume and shell make you forget all your problems
She has the power to take over your mind and lull you to sleep
But remember she's cold to the touch
When shes around its always fun and games
But then something hits you--
You glance at your watch and realize its getting real late and you should be heading home
where your pretty little wife and children are up and waiting for you
Suddenly its also time for her to leave
You feel angry and tense
You take one last look at her and sigh
Its no use you cannot take her home
Because you know she will create ruckus at home

Who is she?

I have no idea how I came into this world

I have no family or a place I can call home

But I know there are many more like me

Traveling in 2s 3s and 4s

Its been hard since day one

I stay with everyone and anyone who can afford me

I stay with them, through their times of need

Stress, Break-up Divorce and even Death

I have to endure his clumsy and groping touch

without a being told twice

During the middle of the night or in the dead of winter

For days months and perhaps even years

While he uses me til his 5 minutes of satisfaction are up

And when he is done

He will throw me to the curb, where I will lay naked and spent


Who am I ?

It was like any other piece of jewellery
Made from a thin chain and built to string many memories
The very first token of our love
A flower, for the day we met
A porcelain cup, for the first cup of coffee you made me
An open book for the days, when we worked side by side at the local library
A red car, the same one you would give me rides on
A pair of silver bells, for the day we both said "I do"
A small cottage, like the house we built using only our two hands
A rattle to celebrate the birth of our first child
Roses to mark a 10 year anniversary

It didn't seem like much but meant a great deal
So how could you give it away?
Look for a new owner already?
Slap it on to another woman's wrist
Whose eyes are cold as her heart

I am conceived out of hatred, never out of love
Orphaned right from birth with no parents and siblings
My life altogether is very different from yours
So I spend my days alone
Always stuck in one place
with the shades drawn and always covered up
Unable to breath
You see, no likes the way I look
So when I step out, people always stare and questions get raised
Perhaps because I am a constant reminder of grief and pain
Fear not, I never stay in one place for too long
But don't miss me too much...
We will meet once again

Can you guess who I am?