i think i like the illusion of you more than you

'When the moon is in silence with his stars in the night, on one side of the circle. The sun shines through her clouds on the other side. On some days they collapse together. The sun will sometimes be obscured If it is too much for the moon to alleviate. To share what is hidden in two souls, a piece of the same, to be as one and spin again in the perfect formation.'

She then wears her special smile
an inamorata's conspiratorial
signalling her arousal, need to get me closer
right there in a room full of people
all of us in the midst of serious business.
I have deep yearning in my eyes
that in turn sets fire to her love central
we burn to be in each other's arms
lovers in exile, commandeer private moments
deflecting watchful eyes of jealousy
every time our secret rituals of amour
take unexpected arms and win wars.

My desk is never clean.
pipes and wads of paper
broken pencils and half full glasses of water
a mostly finished bottle of wine.
the cork is lying around here somewhere
my wax melter spilled little candles
and there is a thin layer of kief under my mat.
I do everything here
with a rolling chair I found
I'm not sure where anymore
draped coat arms dance when I spin around
in the chair, swinging up to say hello
to me, pen in hand,
a fresh glass of water to soon join the others
and a lamp that is too bright for my eyes

in between all my uncertainties,
I'm almost sure about one thing
but I'm going back and forth between
a plan for my body and a plan for my soul
I'm beginning to lose sense of what's right
and starting to feel like it's wrong...
all wrong...
but how can a path so tempting be the same
path that would lead me to your mountain
of destruction and chaos
of beauty and delight

in between all my uncertainties,
I'm almost sure it feels right with you...