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Life's a Beach Jan 2016
I hate you, I wish you were Dead
**** me
**** me, please
**** me
You have something to live for, I
Do Not.
**** me!
Put a pillow over my face and smother me
It would be so easy
cries
Please. Please, **** me.

Do you have any heroine?
You will never be enough
You will never be enough to
make me happy
No one will.

A girlfriend who's doing way better who he'll lose or end up sponging off of
No Friends
Can't Die
Nothing
I could stand in the street and punch myself until everything bleeds, you wouldn't stop me
I could invite you over and stab myself
You would do nothing.

You popular *****
How are you going to last
without alcohol?

Didn't realise I was that far down the list
Nice.

You will never understand

You will never understand how
it feels to be alone with your
thoughts
All alone.
I just want someone to care
for me.

I could slit my wrists in front of you,
I don't think you'd care. I don't think
you'd do a thing.
If I died, you'd probably move on in
a couple of days.
You will always find someone to care
for you
Nobody cares for me.

Die.
Remember this conversation.
*******.
Have a ******* good time
I hate you.

I wish I were ******* dead
And I wish you would
******* die.

Aisling.
I'm done.
I'm going to slit my wrists
I'm going to hang myself
I'm going to walk into the sea
I'm going to overdose
Hopefully suffer a heart attack and explode
It doesn't matter
I don't believe you
I'm going to **** them
I'm going to **** them all
Stab them
Shoot them
Beat them to death
Nothing you can do
I just want it all to end

I'm going to make them disappear,
I've done it before.

Have you ****** someone else? It
felt like there was more room in
there.
I feel like you don't want me to
touch you anymore.
I don't want you to touch me.
You only get Freshers' flu if you've
been ******* someone.
You want a hug?
Sure you don't need a safe word?


Do you hate me
Do you hate me
Do you hate me
I bet you hate me
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Take a ****** joke
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
You aren't the same
I want you to be with me
Not like this.
Sorry I've been angry
I can't really stand talking
to you

I didn't mean it;
I was high
I was drunk
I was angry
I wasn't me

I'm a horrible person
I'm a ****
I'm a ****
I'm a liar
I'm an idiot

You're going to leave me
Do you want me to leave?
Shall I leave?

Hold me
Spoon me
Give me a hug

I love you
**I love you too
Quoting. I'll add as stuff happens/as I remember. I'm done with them circling inside my skull.
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
I was more than this

More than the sieved shelled
husk in a hallway
Waiting for relatives to
scavenge fragmented
memories

More than the salted sinner
deserving of slaughter
Further than the fear in
my shivers as I stared down
a bullet; and lost.

More than just a media martyr
A way to sell papers
A symbol of massacre
Emotional wankery; societies comfort

That isn't me

I am more than just bravery
I am not merely someone's
More than a parent
More than a child
More than a hero
More than a minute of silence

I was my own.

A scribble;
Hobbies, Quirks, Tics,
Snarks, Anger, Laughter, Tragedy,
Sexuality, Inside Jokes,
Embarassment

I was secrets, that no-one else will
ever know.
I am secrets locked inside a rotting mass
I am forgotten; because I can no longer remember.

A stockpile of emotion,
reduced to a photo,
and the title of 'victim'
'hero'
'martyr'
'missed'

Today I am 2D
Today I 'RIP' Remembered

Tomorrow, I hope to be real
and forgotten

Tomorrow, I hope to have
**lived
Life's a Beach Jan 2016
Don't wanna be your final meal
Eat your own heart
And taste just how it feels
Red track marks oozing down your chin
I wonder,
Will you blame it on the ethanol again?

Because I'm not your favourite Heroine.
Not your favourite Nicotine.
Not your favourite way to shoot up or
smoke up or
Reason to stay clean.

Instead, I'm your ***** hangover, the
dregs in the syringe. Perhaps
You'd understand my bitterness if you
spent some time in the bin
Or I could save you the trouble
Smell me.
That's my stink.

I'm not your favourite heroine.
Not the soft satin of Fantasy, I'm the
Bearer of Reality
I'm Nothing
I'm Everything

I'm the water that you reach for
In the morning after sin
I'm the coffee with no sugar
I'm the box of biscuits, that turns
out to be a sewing tin.

What I'm not is another substance
I am sick of playing 'bin'.
Life's a Beach Dec 2015
Our noses touch,
But we mustn't kiss.
It doesn't matter;
This is still bliss
You remind me
Of Security I've missed.
Maybe someone likes
Me after all?

And, I wish this hold
Could last a year.
I wish I wouldn't just
Return to fear
For now, I make you
Lend an ear;
So, I can whisper in it
Nothings for the night.
Pray the curtains won't
Let in the light.

In case you disappear like
Star light in the sun

Can't bear to think reality has won.

So, we stay in pause,
Your breath on my lips
Instead of a kiss.
Never missed if it
Never happened.
Yet still so
Unfinished.
Life's a Beach Oct 2015
10w
Loosen up your anchor chain
You're reducing me to
Bubbles
Life's a Beach Oct 2015
Emptied out the suitcase of my thoughts
I'm kinda tired of lugging them around
Searching for a place to just feel sore
Without some ******* telling me
To flip my smile around

If I could? Don't you think I would?
If I could just blank out the bullcrap of today
If I could? You bet I would.
Funnily ******* enough, things don't quite work that way.

Wiping away the scratchmarks of the day
With the antiseptic wipe of yet another pill
Work in progess
Life's a Beach Oct 2015
To erase, a half prayer that I
could peel off my face.
Hoping my mind would die inside
So I could rebuild, start to replace, the
memory within my fingertips
Of your missing pulse
The way your eyes screamed
contention, and the
sight of your bodies post-
mortem convulse,

I want that to stop
Still

Smash in every clock, for
when Time doesn't link us, why should
I hark to a ticking that
slices at a life
already half empty, rather
than half full

Keep topping myself up with ethanol
Central Nervous System policing
the cheat, puncturing my
sockets to free the
holograms of happy memories,
in a silver stream

No substance left now that it's
tainted
No substance strong enough to take
this pit away

Shovel thrown away, but never
clean, bones and teeth,
muscles oiled and lean,
cling to the metal of
my mouth.
All eyes drawn south, because
dust always draws flies

Like the worm trodden mess
of your thighs

And the way I can still feel
you on my breast

Like a coffin's weight
I bare you

Never at rest
Always a race

Perhaps I'd find peace if I tore off my face.
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