When I’m sad all I think about is you
Sometimes I wish you were dead or I just wasn’t born to you
Because you told me you loved me so many times
And it wasn’t true
I trusted you to help me, I needed you to save me more than anyone in the world
But you abandoned me for him
You choose him over me
And that **** still messes with me
I can’t stop thinking about him touching me
And how even when you heard my story
You still wanted to be with him
It didn’t even phase you
When I was a cutter
And I begged you day and night to make me a doctors appointment
But you were too embarrassed to say anything
I screamed at you saying I’d end up killing myself if you didn’t do anything
Until I decided to overdose and you called your husband first to tell him I did this all because of a boy
A boy? You honestly thought I’d **** myself over a ******* boy? I tried to **** myself because your husband who knew me since I was seven, who was supposed to protect me
Was always touching my ***** and asking me to undress in front of him
And many more things you know happened but refused to admit
You knew before I told you but you didn’t care
And you stuck me in a psych ward for 9 days and didn’t even visit me once
You let your husband who molested me since I was 10 tell me that there’d be people who would try to cut me and hurt me
How it’d be the worst day of my life like I wasn’t scared enough
You didn’t let me talk to the one person who understood me because you were insecure that I loved her more than you
You were right I’ve always loved her more than you
Always
I don’t care that you don’t love me
Sure it’d be nice but I have enough
Even though that when I’m not on my meds or I’m sad I think of you
I don’t love you
I don’t want you
I shouldn’t want anything to do with you
I want a mom
I want my biological mom
But not you
The person you were supposed to be
The one who loved me
Not the one who lied to me
Not the one who didn’t believe me
The one I could laugh with
The one who said she’d do anything to protect me
But I guess those were all lies too, huh?

The rainbows in hell are incredible.
If you saw one you wouldn't forget it in a hurry.
You've got this black sky,
And there it is.
The colours are not as clearly defined as I remember them
The edges seem to blur, think of the
First painting of one you did as a child
Then imagine that in almost total darkness.
I asked someone of it was to remind us
Not to give up hope,
That there is a way out of this place.
He asked me what hope was.
You know, hope you can find your love again.
He asked me what love is.
It's when you care about someone so much
You would gladly lay down your life for them.

The little train
Goes around the track
Straight through the station
Leaving plastic arms
Stuck in midair.
I like to lie down
Get my head really close
Where everything looks bigger.
On it goes,
Into the countryside
And the plastic people
And sheep
That never look up
And the farmer's wife
Whose eyes see
Right through me.
On it goes
Through the wonderful tunnel
Driving me round
The bend
Until the batteries
Run out
Leaving me stranded.

Quiet winter evenings
Spent by the fireside with you.
Gentle moments of love
With the loudness of the day
Suddenly somewhere beneath us
And the coldness of the rain
Far above.

And when the moaning wind
Became caught in the curtains
Blew the candle across the room
I would sit in the corner
Writing long letters
To not so old friends,
Wondering what they were doing
If they meant the love
Their letter sends.

Peaceful nights
By the fireside with you
Feeling love, all the warmth I used to
Yet a strange emptiness
Waiting for that sad glow,
Only recalled by whispering ...
Memories.

The best poems are
written when we are
in the midst of emotional
turmoil.

Why do these skies seem clear,
while they hide rain clouds
that house the impending thunders?

untitled (for you know who)  09082020

thought i  knew of love-or just
the mention of the word- what
does it mean- truly deep down-back then
I had no idea, until I met you- the love of my life-
you-who has evoked so many feelings; inside my head-body, soul
having taken our vows- to understand-you are God's gift to me
you are the love that makes me so high -ready to touch the sky
I would name a star just for you-nothing will ever feel the same
all because of you, I would  sacrifice my life- simply, for
the ground you dare to walk upon-I have been blessed
-me for you, so with the on- coming years- ready for us to look
ahead- know with each day that passes- my heart still beats
and my pulse quickens faster, even after all these years, it will always happen- each and every time you walk into the room

by Michael Perry