From the moment I saw you it was love at first sight .
I held you in my arms and cuddled you tight.
Your hair a soft glow of  brown,
With little curls softly falling down.
Your eyes angelic as they turned emorald green
Oh and that smile , the most precious smile I had ever seen.
I watched you grow into your own little you.
One of a kind a little mischievious too
The years flew by in what seemed to be in the blink of an eye
I taught you manners, morals, honesty and respect.
For all through your life these are things you should never forget.
I taught you to crawl and how to talk
I taught you to stand before you could walk .
I picked you up when you would fall down
I wiped your tears away and made you smile instead of frown.
You brought so much joy to me you made my life full.
Before I knew it you were headed to school .
I could go on forever with each year that's past
I just wish they hadn't all flown by so fast.
I miss your hugs and your kisses too
I miss my baby boy this I know is true.
I don't know what happened or where I went wrong
I just know you  left me and have been gone to long .
Lord I'm nothing without him I'm empty inside.
I wish more than anything he could see the tears I have cried.
He and his sister have turned their backs on me.
They were my reason for living you see
Now all that's left are the memories they must have forgot.
All the struggles and sacrifices, hopefully they will not forget all the things I taught.
The sky above me has turned to grey it use to be so blue.
I have failed as a mother to your sister and you.
You made me a promise you would be out to take care of me one day.
I never dreamed out of anyone that you would be the one to walk away.

I long to write of happiness, joyous days and mindful bliss.
My pen however flows of truth, each word written silently.
It tells a story of sadness how The tunnels of this life have confined me
Blinded walking in disbelief how I've allowed the people I love cause me so much pain.
Living yet never learning I only have myself to blame.
The sacrifices, the tears I've shed over things in which were out of my hands
I've confined myself in this tunnel by granting others demands
For now it is I have nothing left to give
My strength has grown weak, my life seems to have lost purpose as to even want to live .
I will always wonder what it's like to have someone to turn to in my times of hurt and despair.
For Everytime I was needed you turned around and I was there.

I can't see through my eyes as these tears are blinding..
I can't breath through all my wheeping
I try to feel but my body is so numb..
I can't find the strength to stand as my legs are shaking
I want to help but my heart has been left to shredded pieces not able to be mended.
I try to speak but I can't find the words needed to be spoken.
My thoughts race as I try to picture what your future holds now,
I have begged and pleaded, been emotionally abused and used. I have given all I had down to my last dollar.
Where does it stop how does it end, when will you listen and live a good life.
Wasn't three years of your life enough to live behind those prison walls?
Is this too much for a mother to ask, as there's no promise of tomorrow, what if I were to die to day my precious son, please ask of yourself ,
Could you live with that.

I have done my best as a parent to raise my children right, but the pain I'm enduring right now is a pain I can't speak from my mouth I can only write.
My son has cussed me, stole from me, used me, drained me, tried to destroy my relationship, he has called me while he was hitting the dope ****** he lives with, as I'm begging him to stop while my chest is in so much pain, he continues with no thought at any moment I could die from heart failure,  he has put a knife to his throat in front of me and through it all I find myself hopeless but I still love him hurt for him want to hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok. Because at the end of the day he is my baby boy. He has drained me for every penny, blamed me, told me he was going to **** me, I didn't need to be on this Earth and through it all I still sit here this morning searching online for ways to save him because I know his heart and I feel his pain I'm supposed tO I am his momma . My emotions are torn beyond repair I get angry, mad, sad, hurt and frustrated not knowing how to help him but at the end of it all I cry with hope and prayer that God will bring him peace and comfort within himself  I pray that he remembers how he was raised and humbles himself enough to get the help he needs he has seen and been through more than most grown men could ever imagine and he survived so I am fighting a battle that he feels he has already won because he has survived so much more but still the end of the day the battle he faces is the rest of his life and it's all about a choice a simple seemingly choice.  The choice to continue a road to destruction for the rest of his life or the choice to humble himself and get help , we as mother's have wiped the tears from our children's faces throughout their life. We have cleaned their scrapes and nursed their fevers. We have fed them and clothed them we have spanked and loved we have faught their battles and stood in front of them to protect them from danger and when faced with their addiction we have found that the choice isn't ours anymore and that is the hardest most hurtful things to have to face when we can't take their hand to lead them from danger we can't tell them the fire is hot and will burn you and it's harder than anything in this world because at the end of the day we are still their mother. No excuse, no blaming the drug or drugs, no I'm sorry, it won't happen again, will ever erase the hurt inside my heart. But nothing can take away the blessing God gave to me, the gift of my son. Because when it's all said and done, I'll catch him when he falls and wipe his tears and clean his scrapes, I am forever and always "His Momma"

As I lay in my bed rivers of tears streaming down my face,
Every hateful thing you said I'm trying to erase.
I've never been so hurt and torn apart,
There is no mending the scars your words left on my heart.
You, my only son, the reason every day I wake..
Your words were so hateful something I can never shake.
I never knew you felt that way, that you held so much hate for me inside.
I'm sorry for failing you I honestly thought I was a decent mom or at least I thought I tried .
Now I know the truth about how you feel about me and it's hard for me to accept.
23 years of anger inside you,  you have kept .
I am nothing now but a hopeless memory of the mother I meant to be.
I haven't even a soul inside wanting to be set free.
I don't know when my children concluded the feelings they have that their lives were ever so bad.
It was hard raising two children alone being a mom and a dad.
I worked hard trying to provide their wants and needs.
I can't think of a time that they asked and didn't receive .
We didn't live poor, I sacrificed things to make sure they wore nice things and lived in a nice place.
Looking back now, none of it was good enough as they have both slammed the door in my face .
I'm not claiming perfection by all means I know I made mistakes.
But they worship the ground their father walks on and believes every word he speaks.
None of this even makes a difference  or matters much anyway
My children have broken my heart with every hateful thing they could ever say .
My Breath is worthless from now on.

The prosana you stage is so visible to everyone but you. Claiming to be something you aren't, judging others for the same things you do.
Thinking that your life is so bright with that black cloud over your head.
Your purpose would be far better served if you would stop throwing stones and sweep your own doorstep instead.
Such a simple minded person to believe you do no wrong.
One day you will answer for your actions and it won't be long.
You invite misery wherever you go
I received your invitation so I guess you should know.
I won't be attending your party of misery. So you can count me out
I hope one day you can open your eyes and see what this life is really about .