I can't see through my eyes as these tears are blinding..
I can't breath through all my wheeping
I try to feel but my body is so numb..
I can't find the strength to stand as my legs are shaking
I want to help but my heart has been left to shredded pieces not able to be mended.
I try to speak but I can't find the words needed to be spoken.
My thoughts race as I try to picture what your future holds now,
I have begged and pleaded, been emotionally abused and used. I have given all I had down to my last dollar.
Where does it stop how does it end, when will you listen and live a good life.
Wasn't three years of your life enough to live behind those prison walls?
Is this too much for a mother to ask, as there's no promise of tomorrow, what if I were to die to day my precious son, please ask of yourself ,
Could you live with that.

I have done my best as a parent to raise my children right, but the pain I'm enduring right now is a pain I can't speak from my mouth I can only write.
My son has cussed me, stole from me, used me, drained me, tried to destroy my relationship, he has called me while he was hitting the dope ****** he lives with, as I'm begging him to stop while my chest is in so much pain, he continues with no thought at any moment I could die from heart failure,  he has put a knife to his throat in front of me and through it all I find myself hopeless but I still love him hurt for him want to hold him and tell him it's all going to be ok. Because at the end of the day he is my baby boy. He has drained me for every penny, blamed me, told me he was going to **** me, I didn't need to be on this Earth and through it all I still sit here this morning searching online for ways to save him because I know his heart and I feel his pain I'm supposed tO I am his momma . My emotions are torn beyond repair I get angry, mad, sad, hurt and frustrated not knowing how to help him but at the end of it all I cry with hope and prayer that God will bring him peace and comfort within himself  I pray that he remembers how he was raised and humbles himself enough to get the help he needs he has seen and been through more than most grown men could ever imagine and he survived so I am fighting a battle that he feels he has already won because he has survived so much more but still the end of the day the battle he faces is the rest of his life and it's all about a choice a simple seemingly choice.  The choice to continue a road to destruction for the rest of his life or the choice to humble himself and get help , we as mother's have wiped the tears from our children's faces throughout their life. We have cleaned their scrapes and nursed their fevers. We have fed them and clothed them we have spanked and loved we have faught their battles and stood in front of them to protect them from danger and when faced with their addiction we have found that the choice isn't ours anymore and that is the hardest most hurtful things to have to face when we can't take their hand to lead them from danger we can't tell them the fire is hot and will burn you and it's harder than anything in this world because at the end of the day we are still their mother. No excuse, no blaming the drug or drugs, no I'm sorry, it won't happen again, will ever erase the hurt inside my heart. But nothing can take away the blessing God gave to me, the gift of my son. Because when it's all said and done, I'll catch him when he falls and wipe his tears and clean his scrapes, I am forever and always "His Momma"

As I lay in my bed rivers of tears streaming down my face,
Every hateful thing you said I'm trying to erase.
I've never been so hurt and torn apart,
There is no mending the scars your words left on my heart.
You, my only son, the reason every day I wake..
Your words were so hateful something I can never shake.
I never knew you felt that way, that you held so much hate for me inside.
I'm sorry for failing you I honestly thought I was a decent mom or at least I thought I tried .
Now I know the truth about how you feel about me and it's hard for me to accept.
23 years of anger inside you,  you have kept .
I am nothing now but a hopeless memory of the mother I meant to be.
I haven't even a soul inside wanting to be set free.
I don't know when my children concluded the feelings they have that their lives were ever so bad.
It was hard raising two children alone being a mom and a dad.
I worked hard trying to provide their wants and needs.
I can't think of a time that they asked and didn't receive .
We didn't live poor, I sacrificed things to make sure they wore nice things and lived in a nice place.
Looking back now, none of it was good enough as they have both slammed the door in my face .
I'm not claiming perfection by all means I know I made mistakes.
But they worship the ground their father walks on and believes every word he speaks.
None of this even makes a difference  or matters much anyway
My children have broken my heart with every hateful thing they could ever say .
My Breath is worthless from now on.

The prosana you stage is so visible to everyone but you. Claiming to be something you aren't, judging others for the same things you do.
Thinking that your life is so bright with that black cloud over your head.
Your purpose would be far better served if you would stop throwing stones and sweep your own doorstep instead.
Such a simple minded person to believe you do no wrong.
One day you will answer for your actions and it won't be long.
You invite misery wherever you go
I received your invitation so I guess you should know.
I won't be attending your party of misery. So you can count me out
I hope one day you can open your eyes and see what this life is really about .

As shadows fall upon a saddened soul
Breath grows faint as hope lays still against her fragile heart.
She feels alive inside her trapped existence
Attempts yet failed to rise like the sun
Her mind races among memories of the past
Reliving each one in her mind but faced with the reality of no escape
The feeling of urge trying to break through
But her strength weakened from many attempts of failure.
Praying for chances to stand again, the soul of so much hurt and pain searching so hard for a smile of pleasure to break the force and allow a breath to rise for her life. .
Her story of life like the petals of a flower, falling to their death she slowly fades asleep
For her pain and sorrow too much to bear as the last petal floats to the ground, her soul flies away now she too like the petals that lay beside her has gone.

She struggles so much more than a young woman should , she never surrenders  like most probably would.
She' is treated poorly, pushed down by the ones that should stand by her side..
Somehow she manages to maintain her pride.
Through all of this sadness and pain she always manages to find sunshine in the rain.
She has turned her world completely around .
I've sat from afar and watched her pick herself  up off the ground.
She works hard every day to take care of her son
Since the day he was born, he's been her number one.
I am writing these words because I think she should know how precious she is and how blessed I am to have her and her son in my life.
They may not be blood but they are my family and one day her daddy will make me his wife.
No matter what the future may hold I want her to know im in their life to stay
Family doesn't always mean blood and I will never go away.
I love you both with all of my heart
Know matter where the roads of this life lead us I'm always here for you just like I've been from the start..