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 Jun 2018 Jo Barber
Sam
1.
You love like it’s effortless.
Like it grew in with your bones,
like you have always known how to, like the idea of not openly expressing love is foreign.
(Love is a choice, you say,
like it’s obvious and certain,
Love does not intend harm)

2.
You love like you are waiting for someone to stab you in the back.
Careless, and freely given, until the line is drawn on the grass and you expected this in the first place - you live as though you expect to need to cut your losses at any second. (Until that point, however, you love wholeheartedly— hell hath fury on those who harm the ones you love.)

3.
You love as though it will break you if you don’t. Your emotions are bursting on the surface, and it will hurt you more to turn a blind eye than it will to take a trip down another’s misery. You love earnestly and obviously, and your own bleeding heart will come second always, but you understand what can happen, heartbreak - will risk it again and again despite that the odds may now be ever against you.

4.
You love like it’s a forgone conclusion that everyone knows love exists. Like it’s just there, and of course it’s supposed to be good, and of course it’s supposed to be freely given and returned. (And you seem so confused when others do not follow your simple ideology.)

5.
You love cautiously. Because you thought they weren’t out to get you, once, but they were. (And not all parts of you survived it.) So now everything terrifies you, and you create holes to jump through, tests to run - your use of the word trust is seldom, of love rarer still.

6.
You love in secret. Like a facade will protect you from life, but all it does drive people away who don’t come back for the second look. You love as though you’re unlovable, but you know what it’s like to be loved, and you willingly go with the ones who come back through.

7.
You love people like they will save you. A hope that they will rally to your side. You need them, but you need them to need you, and you know how to be calculating, but you didn’t want to be. You love freely, though, until they burn the bridges you once crossed together.

8.
You love people who don’t expect it, and you love like you’re on a mission, non-malicious, because you’re really just trying to give others a little piece of the world they don’t yet have, and the love and affection that comes afterwards is an unintended, albeit not unwelcome consequence.

9.
I love like it’s forbidden.
As though the minute it is admitted, the love will disappear, by nature of simply acknowledging the fact.
(And so they fade away without ever knowing.)

10.
You love like it’s an afterthought,
like you didn’t know you were allowed to.
It drips from your shoulders,
in an array of colors
I have never seen before.
And yet, it’s kept tight against your body
As if you’d rather it be hurt then you.

(You’re allowed to be loved, and love in return. You already are.)
10 interpretations of how different people love, the first 9, of 9 different people from my perspective, the 10th an interpretation by my friend in response to reading the poem, on person 9 (me).
 May 2018 Jo Barber
Edmund black
Love is too amazing
      For anyone
  To be sorta loved

        If you’re
Going to reach for
The heart , I would
Hope  that you use
       Both hands
               For
The heart is never a thing
      To be taken lightly

          Don’t try
Grabbing it with one hand
           While
       Holding on
 To someone else’s
          Heart

Never to embrace
          The new
 While holding on To
          The old

       Remember
                      
   Love isn’t love
           Until
   It moves beyond
           Words
  Action is everything
  
  If you truly want
           To be
  In someone’s
          Life
You will create the best
       Possible
Way to get  there

            For
 We all  deserve a
Consistent kind
            Of
          Love
 May 2018 Jo Barber
PoserPersona

Dear Journal,

     The wheel turns on the black Bic lighter and conjures a restless spark,
thus igniting once sincere letters. In turn, arctic winds are evoked at dark.
Couple's ardor inspired prior to her departure abroad to Denmark.

     Confederate embers scorch paper, but less so than this dolorous heart.
Blazing in solidarity on a barren porch; a pyre for finest silks torn apart.
With weeping wounds cauterized, the true healing now just starts.

Sincerely,
Rekindled

// i’m terrified that next year i might hate winter; that the glow of the lights will remind me so deeply of you eyes that i’ll get that agonising ache in my chest again.

it’s always been my least favourite season, but for a while my dear, you changed that.

there was always something about the weight of the air,

thick and heavy with coldness and fog.

you made me realise that it’s the only time of year that everything tastes ever so slightly of cinnamon and ginger; you tasted like cigarettes and bubblemint gum.

after you left i took up smoking for a week purely because it tasted like you, maybe also because the burning in my chest was the closest feeling to being in love with you.

in my mind there is just us and you aren’t here to leave.

you whisper into my skin and i don’t cough up your words in the shower the next morning.

in my mind you don’t kiss me to forget and i don’t shake when you touch me.

the lights don’t stay off anymore,

you look me in the eyes as you **** me.

warm bedsheets tangled in a heap of exhausted limbs.

                                                 
his bookshelf was splitting at the seams;

bukowski

plath

keats and frost.

he asked me what i thought about love and i told him; it’s the bits of us that we give away with no sense of expectation or consequences. when you feel this empty you’ll do anything to fill the void in your ribcage.

we feel more pain than we know what to do with

so, we paint, draw, write and sing.

anything really, anything that helps us cling to the edges of humanity.

that was the thing, you always knew that you could count on me to get down on my knees for you babe, didn’t you? //
i’d rather write about the freckles on your back than think about all of the ways in which you quite possibly don’t love me.

i feel sick at the very thought of you picking me apart the way you did; fingers grabbing and stroking in a catastrophic symphony of skin and vulnerability.

let’s read between each other’s lines; share my sentences and punctuate my paragraphs with your mouth; because i can breathe easier on the mornings where i wake up wrapped around you.

because my moods change like the ******* seasons and the spinning in my head doesn’t want to stop.
                                         you tell me that i should probably get a therapist because no one that thinks about all the ways in which they could **** themselves has an ounce of mental stability.
                                          i tell you that i have been to four.
                                          names faded into a blur with hazy snippets of conversation remaining.
20mg.
                    30mg.
you tell me that trust issues and scars aren’t endearing and i tell you that neither is counting up the potential number of pills needed to dissolve your body into the living room carpet.

let me sink inside your skin and make a home in your flesh;
i tell you about the nights where i lay awake in the bath turning the water red.
                       tragic, isn’t it.

you tell me that this isn’t how my head should work and i tell you that i already know. everything you could possibly tell me i already know.
i know that 400 calories a day isn’t normal, and my hands shouldn’t shake all the time.
                                             i know.
please let me stitch myself into you, even just for a while; until i no longer feel dizzy and my world stops spinning.
i don’t need you to tell me that it will be okay, because honestly i don’t think it will be and, that in itself, is okay.
                                                                ­                 let me stitch myself into you, because my own skin can’t take it anymore.

let me call you back when my voice stops wobbling and my vision straightens out, but honestly, i’m terrified that it never will. what if this is it. headaches and tears and shaking and blood.
                                             and the debilitating, gut-wrenching feeling of pure and euphoric emptiness.

                                              tragic, isn’t it.
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