You say my emotions are irrelevant
and send them to jail
but you can't just gatekeep
the way that I feel
But I sympathize
with the way you fall apart
so maybe one day we can cry
about who broke your heart

killing a butterfly
is easier from far away
colors meshed into brown
is just another cockroach

Sometimes i fear
that my poems don't make sense
but then again
neither do my thoughts
and then i realize
we are all just trying
to make sense of it all

one day i got tired of swimming
and let the sea devour me
my feet floating
timid
expecting floor below
i realized there was no rock bottom
before the waves turned cold
water entering my lungs
like a kiss not given permission
hands on my body like it was given
to someone who didn't know how to listen
feet being pulled towards a depth that had no meaning
no indication of seaweed
just empty space so full it felt freeing
learning to breathe while suffocating
is something you don't learn until needed
friend once pushed away is greeted
desperation gets you places when you need it
being still will make your mind run away
another cold and empty day
you can no longer feel the waves
until a shark comes along
mind in check
body moves
waves are crashing down on you
and it all feels like a fever dream
or so it seems
until you're onto shore
cough up the water
cause you don't need it anymore
and from that day
you pray that you
will never find your way back
to the ocean

it hurts.
i wish it hurt enough to cry.

Some days I wish
you had never given me
the time of day
just enough to make sure it hurt
when you walked away

you said "I'm sorry"
but were you really?
when I didn't give you
what you wanted to hear
you just left me
with more things
to forgive