Hello Daisies

Hello Daisies Mar 2019

Heroism

I watch many shows
About a savior
Who is separate from the world

They were chosen
To save everyone
Yet they are so depressed
Being seperate from everyone

Buffy wished she was normal
She considered herself a freak
Eventually stopped being alive
And inside she died

She had friends
But felt so alone
She could not socialize
And show her trueself

She was a freak
But everyone saw a hero
She was empty inside
She wished for death
But only could hide

I watch these shows
Almsot religiously
Becuase I feel i grow
As buffy losing reality

All i wished for
As a little girl
Was to be normal
And see the world

All I get
Was being a freak
While everyone else praised me
For being innocent and sweet

They look to me as a saving grace
Their last fall
When they hit their face
Then they leave

The hardest thing in this world
Is to live in it
Buffy said
As she dove into her death

Only to awaken even more dead
Inside a deep grave
Living life depraved
Of basic emotions

Everyones falling apart
All around her
But she has to work
And be a good girl

I dove head first
Into numbess
I died
And woke up
With no bliss

I see your suffering
I do not care
I'm so gone
I'm going nowhere

I lost my morals
And sense of heroism
I wish to destroy
The city of hell
That is my prison

Maybe then i can be free
And see my reality
Show love to those around
And finally be proud
Like a normal girl

Hello Daisies Mar 2019

Normal

I was raised
To be broken
I feel faint
Every day

I never before could explain
Why I loved you
And wanted to be with you
In the pouring rain

I love you because
You were normal
Being around you i almost felt
Just like everyone else

I could watch you
With all others
Showing affection
You had no clue

The pain of malnutrion
Hiding any emotion
Being alarmed of human touch
No one could listen

Its blinding
How sick i truly am
My body craves health
It all seemed so winding

Yet i see it was simple
I needed nutrition
The ones everyone else has
That they find so little

I'm too afraid to grow
I let my body rot
For love and affection
I never did know

Starved for life
I crave such simplicity
I want to Hug you
And let go of this knife

I hold onto it bleeding
I only know how to open
With pain and suffering
How can i show happy feelings

I'd say I'm lost
But that implies i once
Knew where i was going
I was born with no cross

I hold no meaning
Or hope for anyone
I suffer for nothing
I want to stop screaming

What's it like to be alive
In your eyes I almost saw
Peace of mind and a desire
To be normal and let my emotions
Finally arrive

Hello Daisies Mar 2019

Should I write

Is it time to let go?
Time to move on?
I keep feeling as if
It's wrong

It feels so long
Since i wrote
Yet i know
It wasnt much
Time ago

Should i write?
Should i pass
Should i sit and wait
In the grass

It was a field of green
Wind blowing
Sun out
Now it's cold
And snowing

The grass is dying
I think I'm crying
Should i try
To start flying
Away

I talk about you
Everyday
But the drama
Got in the way

You probably don't
Even care one thought
But the worry
Maybe you do
And this distance
Is for naught

I almost wrote you
Yesterday
Or was that today
My days melt into each other
As we once did

I used to write
Every other week
A silly antidote
Or a simple hello
Made me smile

Now i try to type
But the letters scurry away
Theyre afraid
I'll upset
The weather

The storm was always coming
But i never listened
To adults
Who told me how to take
Cover

I'm at a loss
I feel so lonely
You surely don't care
As much as i do

My pen is fading
My thumbs are numbing
Mt heart aches
To type a letter
As my hands break

It's wrong
I didn't belong
But it's been so long
Maybe you miss
My silly
Song

Should i write?
Maybe a smile
Will cross your face
And I'll feel in place
Again

Should i pass?
Maybe annoyance
Would disrupt your tune
and take away
Your calm moon

I'm at a crossroads here
Which way do i go
I always pick the wrong path
Yet i still don't ******* know

Should i say hello
Or say goodbye

Trying to talk or have romantic interest with people just hurts me everytime

#love #anxiety #lonely #confusion #alone #romance #bittersweet

Hello Daisies Feb 2019

Her

Let her out
Let her cry
Let her shine

Go ahead and pout
Go ahead and shout
Go ahead and freak out

Don't be afraid
Of what's inside
Stop trying to hide

She's in there
Screaming for freedom
Let her sin

Let her breakdown
Let her be a *****
Let her out

forget their words
Forget their judgements
Forget their hate

Shine as much as you need
Shine as far as you want
Shine until you want to stop

I finally feel her
She wants out
I still have fear
Stopping her

I hear her shout
I hear her dreams
I hear her pouts
I hear her screams

I want to grow
I want to love
I want to let it all out
Even the dark
Im so afraid of

I just don't know
How to open the gates
And let her escape
To her epic fate

#self #love #depression #fear #anxiety #hope

Hello Daisies Feb 2019

Self love

Somehow within this
The deepest torment
I slowly felt a light
Awakening

I'm still shaking
It doesn't make sense
Freeing myself
As i went numb

It's not me
It's not me
Never was me

I'm shining
Always have been
I'm finding
Each piece

You took from me
Made us all crumble
Because of your insecurity
I'm not broken

I hate you
I hate you
I'm sorry

You're twisted
You shattered all over us
Couldn't handle the mess
But never dare confess

I was born
In self hatred
Always alone
The veil has been blown

Away from our eyes
I do not know why
But i found the truth
Once i decided to die

I'm dead
I'm dead
Yet coming alive

I am amazing
I am loving
I am so beautiful
It's not my fault

Others are jealous
So many afraid of themselves
They hurt others
Im done

We have become one
I feel it now
I'm not backing down
I will love myself

Truly this time
I didn't understand before
My love was bruised
Like my soul next to you

The darkest parts of me
Finally broke free
I could feel the light inside
Though terrified

I can be happy
I can be happy
We all can be happy

I'm on the road
To truly love myself
Once i concur self care
You best beware

This isnt very good its a mess but lately ive been so numb i csnt describe how awful my mind has gotten. Ive been depressee my whole life but it's like it all is releasing lately. Im seeing things differently and Ive been hating some people for what they've done to me. I'm growing but I'm reaply ****** up and some others i know are too. And I've hated myself so much indidnt realize how deep it went. Ive bever been so hopeless and so angry and so suicidal before. Ive tried to **** myselfs many times recently. Yet in these dark moments i felt like it...was okay? I felt a small shimmrr of hope. Like this was the right tbing finally. Because now im seeing things differently. I'm seeing how love really is amd how much i should love myself. Because theree nothing wrong with me and never was. So lany people everyone has abused me and put me down. Ive been living life thisnway. Thinking i don't deserve ti exist thinking im stupid, thinkinh im not good enough for anyhting or compared to anyone. Im worth less. And everyone telles me this . when soemone tells me its not true amd they see my worth i necer really beleived them. I listened to the abuse. Idk why i see it now but i do. Those bullies truly were only insecure about themselves. So wanted to bring me down. Im human and I'm beautiful inside and out. I'm not perfect and that's okay. I will grow and i will learn to love and help others again but fjrst i must learn that i can love myself and stop crying all alone in the corner.

And so can all of you. I don't care if its your dad or your lover or whoever don't let them tell you that you don't shine, because you do. Love yourself everyone. Please.

#life #abuse #love #self #suicide #growing #depression #healing

Hello Daisies Feb 2019

Torn dress

It's dark
Dark as coal
Im sitting here
Screaming

Head buried in knees
White dress torn
Crying trapped in here

I see you appear
In my dreams
Of hell

You i can tell
Have also fell
Into the dark

I lie here torn apart
This torment only i own
Only selfishly

Open my eyes
I see you in the sky
Dark and crumbling

My lips fumbling
You are trapped
In the same torn dress

We suffer the same stress
My mind closes in
I see your tears

It grows my fears
For a second
I give up all hope

Why bother trying
When you're in the same *****
Shimmer of light peaks inside

For if i can take this life
And not back down
You are with me in this

We will share the crown

#depression #hope #sad #love #lost

Hello Daisies Feb 2019

Burn

I let them all out
Now there's pity
Burning in my city

Power gone out
It's all on the news
I blew the fuse

This isn't what i wanted
Stop recording me
Stop feeling sorry

The more they help
I take advantage
Taking the city by rampage

Put them back away
Ignore the flicker
It would be simpler

I see the wrongs
The filfth fills underground
Yet i can't ******* make a sound

Im so sorry
I leaked the gas
And watched the town

Burn down

Nothings alright and im just awful