My grandfather taught me things.
Things I didn't have to learn because I saw someone hooked up to a hospital machine,
But the tiny things that mattered,
Like how you should never play with you fork,
Because you could poke your eye out,
And while we're on the manner of table manners,
His constant hand grabs,
Moving plates and glasses,
Farther and farther in,
For a fear they may fall,
I was so curious of why even now when I'm not as small.
For now I wonder,
Is it so you don't fall,
So you feel safer,
Is this why u always push re plates in,
Have your little problems with everything,
And not afraid to share them with the world,
And try to push them to be perfect,
When you haven't figured out no one is,
I know that you see things in me,
No one else does that I don't even see,
All the potential and this future you constantly go on and on about,
And I think to my self what future,
But you don't give an inch,
And tell me I'm worth something,
That means something to me,
They say you don't chose your family
But I would of chose you still,
Your still going to be old and stubborn,
Like the old folks are,
But your unique in your pushy way,
That wouldn't of honestly made me care about you as much,
If you weren't the way you were,
I love you times every plate you pushed in at dinner,
To ever time you told me to stop playing with my fork when I was eating,
And nothing will change that,
Like nothing should ever change you,
And like you've taught me,
Don't change for anyone but you,
And to push myself to go the distance,

6:30 a.m. you wake to see,
a lovely girl.

the type a girl,
who comes with the proper set of manners,

but looks like somewhere,
this girl lost her standards.

7:00 a.m. she wakes and sees you.
when you've never had the decency to point out her beauty,

you're so swell thinking about,
how you can get her for a second round,

never calling her beautiful,
or flawless during the round

you act lousy to her,
even though

you were really hoping to do more than to embrace her,
but you soon forget all this,

as you lie in bed,
at 10 a.m.

sleepy,
like the loath you were,

10:30 a.m. your fast asleep,
while she feels the ever growing solitude,

11:00 a.m. she stands in front of the window,
beams of sun on her like the angel in heaven planned it,

as she sips the coffee she made for the both of you,
11:30 a.m. the coffee is cold, and she contemplates her purpose here,

by 1:00 p.m she is wondering if this relationship,
will ever evolve into something more,

1:30 p.m. she realized he doesn't care about her presents,
and wonders if any man would.

2:00 p.m. she fears no one could ever love her,
she's found herself filling notebooks of flaws that are too great to love,

it is now 2:30 p.m. on the dot, and if someone was to walk in on her,
it would be as if she was omit from the world for years..

a minute passes and he walks in,
pours some coffee,

he drinks, and swallows the cold coffee,
puts the mug down,

he looks at her with disgrace almost,
and walks away,

to who cares where, because at 2:36 p.m.,
she wrote one more flaw,

my coffee was cold and he left me again,
and that was enough to tell her she was worthless.

and he sat in his chair,
not once getting up to say,

or tell her,
how he thought she was beautiful,

flawless,
or the fact he loved her,

the order,
the routine,
the rules,
the reasons I want to skip class,
the reasons I do,
the reasons I get detentions,
the reasons I never show,
the schedule,
the lack of order,
the up,
the back down?
the back up then down again but across the school on top of it!
the swimming pool,
the ******* swimming pool,
the **** no I'm not swimming,
the I won't make it to math class.
the guidance office,
the guidance counselor,
the guidance counselor who says she hopes she's not taking up my time,
the period is my lunch,
the location i'm in,
the guidance office,
the problem,
the fact its every monday wednesday and friday,
the fact I may wanna eat,
the fact I wanna see my friends,
the fact you're taking my little social life away,
the bell rings,
the ring is the most joyful irritating noise I hear all day,
the fact I forgot about the freshman for a second,
the ring is the second irritating noise I hear all day.
the next class is science,
the fact your required appointment runs too long,
the fact your class is so far away,
the fact you have a minute rather than five to get there,
the fact you don't make it halfway before the bell rings,
the fact you start crying because you are late for class,
the fact your life is over,
the fact you duck into the bathroom,
the sticky doors are of no concern right now,
the bathroom stalls are all empty,
the middle one you claim and you sit,
the floor you sit, you cry, try to be silent,
the effort to breath, trying not to have a full on panic attack,
the things going on in your head,
the dread pours in,
the anxiety levels rushes in.
the thoughts poor in and spill even when its over flown,
the fact you call your mom,
the fact she gets you off the floor,
the fact she reminds you,
the fact you have to touch that sticky door,
the door you touched once before,
the hand you touch the door with you used to wipe tears with,
the sly way to open the door,
the silence you make,
the bent down head,
the quite,
the trying to act normal,
the nothings going on trip,
the way to the main office,
the fact you on the phone in the hallway,
the fact you made it to the office,
the fact the principal wants to see you,
the fact you start explaining what happened,
the schedule,
the wrongs,
the wrongs they caused,
the people they put in classes to embarrass you,
the abuse the teachers gave you,
the list rambled on and on,
the fact he yelled at you,
the fact he said you were not being respectful,
the fact this school never gave you respect,
the fact they took everything you had left,
the fact he continued to yell til the office ladys got up
the ladys got up,
the people flocked to the door,
the principal went silent,
the fact you still continued to cry,
the fact he acted as if nothing happened,
the fact he tried to say he was gonna fix it all,
the fact you both knew nothing was going to happen,
the fact you both were right,
the fact once you parted ways you were then greeted with a call down,
the fact someone sent you to the nurse,
the walk was the best part,
the pondering of what its for, allergies, medication information?
the arrival is shocking to you,
the nurse greets you and leads you,
the small room you cornered into,
the place where she asks to view you,
the places on your body like your arms,
the fact she implies other places could be searched
the next time
the fact you now know this will happen again,
the fact you having an anxiety attack,
the fact you wanted to say no,
the fact you know if you did,
the next act they'd do is send you to the hospital,
the scare tactics is not fair,
the fact you go home,
the fact you cry,
the fact you don't wanna go back to this place,
the fact they won't let you transfer,
the fact you have done all you could of done.
the fact that they still have the nerve to of ****** up your schedule.

Do not call me when I am drunk
Words of love may reach your ears but do not blush because you are not who they are for,
Do not come to me when I am drunk,
Hand in hand we may dance, I may pull you closer and feel her,
Thorns and flowers appear the same to me when I am drunk
The ****** may hurt but let it
the rose is worth all the pain that this world has to offer
Do not follow me when I walk away
the footsteps I will leave behind will only lead to sleepless nights,
I will stagger through aisles, through dark alleys and reach the highway where it all ended
My world darkened as her blood ran black, as her ashes drifted and vanished in the river under the cruel winter sun
How many beloveds have you devoured?- I asked the highway

Do not worry,
This experiment won't take long,
We will come back to where we belong,
To the high we call sanity
He said it was the fruit of knowledge that gave us mortality
Thin man, grey beard
It was the truth that he feared
It was written in his eyes, Bold and CLEAR
He said god gave us love just to teach us what pain is
But,do you know what hate is?
She looked into my eyes and looked through
Like she knows me but, does not want to
And its true
She's closed the window from where I once flew
Or that's what she has made me believe,
He said,"you are what you believe you are"
But do you know how far is too far?
I can see the stars, the sun and the moon,
The hills decked with clouds,
The mountains draped in white,
He said gods don't play dice
So I asked them to apologize for the poems that my pen cries
Let us mourn for the love that once was,
The music that this world once played for us
We were like the two ends of the same rainbow
Miles away but one
'we', once meant she and I
Now the word hurts
I can see us in the clouds drifting apart,
The rivers lost in the oceans,
The mountains flushed down,
And in the tears that could once melt hearts
She wants a world where I don't exist
So I pushed a knife inside her heart to set her free
And he laughed

Sometimes I feel old,
So old that I treat the people of my age like babies,
Like they would get on a broom stick and fly to foreign lands,
over the hills and across the sea,
Over the mountains draped in snow,
Over the autumn fields green and yellow
Through the forest where my childhood stood still
Scared and lonely
I look at my fingers and the pen lying dead on my diary
Dear world, do you know that I exist?
I am trying to bridge the distance with poetry
And fill the scars with dreams
Dear sun, please stay
A little longer i beg

This is for a friend whose Facebook status on the day after the sickest **** case in Delhi 2012 was,
"thank god I'm ugly,
No boy wants to be seen with me,
Men look through me,
I'm invisible,
There's nothing appealing about my body but I'm happy,
I'm not beautiful so thank you god for the freedom you have bestowed upon me,
I WALK FREE"
7 LIKES, 2 shares and 4 comments
Her father: my daughter is the prettiest
Her brother: there's no-one prettier than my princess
Me: its not about the face my friend, animals don't know the difference, we live in the world where even goats and pigs serve as *** slaves + sperms don't seek paradise
She: read between the lines

This is for the high school hotties and plastic beauties who are miles away from the reality,
This is for the teenage wankers and middle aged ****** whose definition of beauty is ****
This is for the poets who use pulchritudinous for a woman's body and immaculate for her skin
This is for the ad agencies who try to convince us that being not fair is being ugly
This is for the authors of bed time stories where ugly characters don't get a kiss from the prince charming
This is for the walking x-ray machines who don't know my friend but know what the size of her ******* is


This is for Facebook cuties and instagram ducklings tormenting my friend with their selfies
This is for the movie industries that keep telling my friend that she'll remain a sidekick
This is for the daily soaps selling stories of moms who do not exist
This is for the celebrities,
Lost in the labyrinth of self obsession
Who cannot face themselves without their masks on
They will never find their way out of it

This is for the bullies who never spared her a peaceful stroll
This is for the organizers of the beauty pageant never held for the soul

My friend was lost in the immense chasm of despair
Scars on her wrists screamed how much she hated herself
Bloodshot eyes sang tales of her sleepless nights
But, she gave birth to her new self everytime she failed to die
Like, three failed suicide attempts made her fall in love with herself
These days, she holds her breath for seconds just to make herself believe that her life is not worthless

This is for the world holding onto fleeting beauty and letting go of everything worth grasping
MY Friend Is Beautiful
Her beauty does not give pleasure to your senses
Nothing pulchritudinous and not immaculate
Its something intangible, something only visible to a good soul- something that will never fade- something real
My friend is beautiful