Floor: Poems

Apr 2019 · 125

gasp

Floor Apr 2019

gasp

And as I'm watching the flower petals hit the ground
I realize life is short enough to fall
I can gasp for the air once left in my lung
but finding it back is harder than I thought

#depression

Mar 2019 · 274

Gone

Floor Mar 2019

Gone

Can you show me how to live
Because I tried but failed many times
My bones still fractured and skin still punctured
I can't seem to find the right stitches to get it back together
So I stay in bed and rest
In that comfort I find a hole
It's as big as a nikkel but it gets bigger over time
Now I can't help but wonder when it's big enough to fall
I can feel it lurking under my back
I find the strength to look around me
My thoughts are on my nightstand like a succulent plant
It's not necessarily a plant to feed, but I keep forgetting I already gave them what they needed
Now they are drowning in their flowerpot
I can see them dripping away as the time goes by
I can feel myself disappearing

#depression #suicide #mentalhealth #sanity

Mar 2019 · 230

Gun

Floor Mar 2019

Gun

I let my body be the gun
Shooting myself with silver bullets
Pulling the trigger with pleasure and joy
I find myself on the ground with thoughts keeping me down
and silence leaking out of me
I smell blood and metal
It slips away like time and day
All what's left is biterness
And for a splitsecond I felt the pain
That one thing I was seeking for
Now I lay here still and dead
The numbness took the best of me

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexiaart

Mar 2019 · 492

Sanity shower

Floor Mar 2019

Sanity shower

And I find it so hard to search for words to say
That my sanity went down the drain
Like the leftover soap seeping off my hair
It stings my eyes and turns me blind
The monster picks the moment like a greedy child picking a flower
It closes my throat so oxygen is a word I can't remember anymore
Thoughts drip down my body and I find myself drowning in the condensed walls of my mind
With damp fingers I try to reach for a strategy
But I seem to have lost my sanity

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #art #mentalillnes #sanity #whoami

Mar 2019 · 532

Hurt

Floor Mar 2019

Hurt

I want to tear my skin apart
I want to rip the pieces of my body off my soul and create something beautiful
I want to feel seeping wounds close up and I want to feel the tightness of them healing
I want my bones to snap like sticks
And my teeth to break like bricks
I want the taste of life on my tongue when the pain numbs my body

I want to feel

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #art #mentalillnes

Feb 2019 · 322

The dress-up

Floor Feb 2019

The dress-up

Lacking the feeling of empathy I walk amongst the pavement.
They told me sad was the word I had to put on, but I chose a different dress. Now I can feel how itchy the fabric is and I regret my choice. It never was my choice in the first place, I remembered. The dress restricts me and makes me feel numb, it turns my vision blurry and my body invisible. The sleeves tickle my arms and leave thin red marks where it touches my skin. I wish I could pull new jeans out of my closet, and leave the dress on the floor for once.

#clothing #dress #depression #madness #anxiety #mentalhealth

Feb 2019 · 398

Insect

Floor Feb 2019

Insect

They sound so mellifluous, maneuvering through the skies
As a somnambulist I walk where they wander
Never ending fantasies dripping on my tongue
With shivering wings and etherial looks they pull me in
The petrichor of the first rain starts to work it's way into my memory
Solitude takes my hand and whispers into my ear
I feel welcomed by the bombinating sounds the insects make
They put me at ease while I wander further into society

#poetry #depression #society #art #madness #mentalhealth #anxiety

Feb 2019 · 242

Dead

Floor Feb 2019

Dead

With cold whispers flowing against her heart she walked alone.
Holding her broken pieces in her arms, moving on the beat of the music she kept in her head as if it was her only prove of sanity.
When they looked in her eyes they saw emptiness, almost like a grey depth. It scared them away. She gave up on trying to help people understand. She didn't even understand it herself. With blood seeping through her thin skin she made a path for the people behind her, hoping they would make it through when she wasn't around anymore. With the last breath stumbling out of her lungs she pushed her head through the dog leash. 'Life, I've been your animal for way to long, it's time to give me up.' The grey depths of her eyes changed into beautiful star constellations. The time seeped through her fingers. Life had listened.

#depression #mentalhealth #sanity #madness #art

Feb 2019 · 394

She was

Floor Feb 2019

She was

She was a shadow of her own mind
A pitch black hole in the air
When people looked at her the hope that she'd come back would fade away

She was a crack in a perfectly fine mirror
Nobody seemed to notice it at first, but it eventually got annoying to look

She was a papercut in her family's finger
A small stripe of blood and biterness in a beautiful surface that shouldn't be touched

She was broken but all she worried about was how it affected the people around her. And nobody seemed to take a needle to stitch the pieces back together

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #art #mentalillnes

Feb 2019 · 1.8k

Violin

Floor Feb 2019

Violin

She plays violin on her wrists
Sinfully beautiful symphonies appear on her skin
Like paper sheets her blood will flow
With eyes determined on the price
She watches the last bit of her soul seep out of her wounds
A lonely sound escapes her lips
The last lonely sound she'll ever make
Now she's in a different place
And replaced the violin for clouds

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #mentalillnes #whoami

Jan 2019 · 258

Who am I?

Floor Jan 2019

Who am I?

And he thinks it's so easy
Because he knows how to love
But I never met that feeling
I've had a dark cloud above my head and my heart for as long as I can remember
Who even am I?
My brain tells me it's perfect
But my feelings got stuck behind this wall
I can't seem to find them.
Every day I pretend. I pretend that I'm fine.
'yes I ate my dinner, yes I took my medicine, yes I love you'
These lies became a friendly play.
But the glue behind the mask is wearing off and slowly reveals the broken pieces left of me.
I don't know anymore
My brain divided itself into little fragments, hovering all over the place.
The only safetynet is myself, and I can't seem to find her.

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #mentalillnes #whoami #question

Jan 2019 · 1.2k

My throne of bones

Floor Jan 2019

My throne of bones

And they say there's nothing beautiful about bones
But all I see when I feel them appear more and more is pearls
I proudly parade along the pavement with veins and collarbones poking out like a sinful trophy
They are the jewels on my crown
The jewels I had to pick up from the ***** roads I crossed
Instead of making me heavier they let me hover through the sky
I can feel the storm in my head when the last bit of sugar leaves my body
Clouds appear when I stand up
Still looking for my throne I trow the last bit of nutriment aside and there it is. The end of the road shows me the thrown I've been waiting for. I've lost my body, but gained the pride in my head back knowing I can fight my natural desire to eat

#depression #madness #mentalhealth #anorexia #eatingdisorder

Jan 2019 · 717

Anhedonia

Floor Jan 2019

Anhedonia

Anhedonia takes me under her wings,
With the softness of a feather she strikes against my forehead and takes out all the joy.
She smiles at me with crooked teeth and tells me it's alright to die.
Anhedonia forces her hands into my chest and rips my heart out so I can't feel the rhythm of my passion anymore
Then she puts me on her lap and starts to rock me back and forth, like I'm a little child. She tells me it's okay to feel the emptiness. She leans in and kisses me on the lips, ******* out the last bit of energy in my vessels and soul. She picks me up and gently lays my body down. She pushes her thin fingers on my eyelids to shut them as if she wants me to sleep. Yet she whispers nightmares in my head. Anhedonia took control of me, and I can't find a way out.

#anhedonia #sleep #metaphor #depression #madness #mentalhealth

Jan 2019 · 124

The wall

Floor Jan 2019

The wall

And I think they know I care
But the walls are so high they can't hear the whispers
Desperately looking for more than numbness I dig underneath it
All I find is dirt and broken promises
Stuffed in the ground like bones of a memory
I want to tell them
I want to let them in
But my only way to show them is going up
And the sky is terrifyingly blue in contrast with the dark stone of the wall
All I can wish for is their voices
All I can hold on to is the hope that somewhere, behind the wall, some people care enough to stay around to build a ladder

#depression #mentalhealth

Jan 2019 · 275

Sinking

Floor Jan 2019

Sinking

I'm thinking as if I'm sinking, with my head deep down under the water surface.
Choking in the coldness of my thoughts.
I got used to the negative voices after a while, scraping down the surface of my brain like sand on skin. My eyes are closing because of the unpleasant pinch the whispers bring.
It works like salt, tiny crystals blinding my eyes for what's real.
I can hear the people screaming from above. They want to save me.
I just lay there in my thoughts, hoping for a wave to make the final decision, or a rock to give me final hope. It's hard to see with salt in your eyes.
It's even harder when you're the one causing the blindness yourself.

#sinking #water #drowning #depression #mentalhealth #madness

Jan 2019 · 234

I don't understand

Floor Jan 2019

I don't understand

What don't I understand, little girl?
I've seen so much of the world
The pain is temporary, like the youth you used to have
What don't I see, my little girl?
I've heard so much about the world
The sorrow will disappear like the sun dissappears for the moon
What don't I feel, my precious child
I've been here for a while
I know you feel like feeling nothing
But that's how society makes us something
I know I won't be able to show
But eventually these feelings will go

He said to the gravestone

#depression #madness #mentalhealth

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